ty  of  California 
ern  Regional 
iry  Facility 


ERASMVS. 


E^RASMUS 


IN 


PEAISE  OF  FOLLY 


WITH  PORTRAIT,  LIFE  OF  ERASMUS,  AND  HIS 
EPISTLE  TO  SIR  THOMAS  MORE. 


Illustrated  with  many  curious  Engravings,  Designed, 
Drawn,  and  Etched  by  HANS  HOLBEIN. 


NEW   YORK: 

PETER  ECKLER  PUBLISHING  CO. 
1922 


Printed  in  U.  S.  A. 


PUBLISHER'S    PREFACE. 

HTHE  works  of  Erasmus,  which  have  so  greatly  enriched 
1  the  literature  of  the  world,  have  survived  the  lapse  of 
centuries  that  have  passed;  and,  because  they  contain  that 
"one  touch  of  nature  which  makes  the  whole  world  kin," 
they  will  survive  the  lapse  of  untold  centuries  yet  to  come. 

His  description  of  the  bigotry  and  superstition — the 
ignorance  and  credulity  of  the  masses  of  his  day,  is  as 
true  now  as  it  was  when  first  given  to  the  world  ;  and  his 
account  of  the  pleadings  and  preachings — the  pretensions 
and  presumptions  of  the  dominant  priesthood — is  as  ap- 
plicable to  the  twentieth,  as  to  the  fifteenth  century  in 
which  it  was  written. 

Under  the  pleasing  mask  of  Folly  our  author  has 
uttered  truths  which  are  indeed  sublime,  and  in  the 
witty  language  of  the  Jester  he  has  exposed  the  fallacies 
of  that  Faith  which  has,  not  inaptly,  been  defined  by  an 
inspired  writer  in  the  New  Testament,  as  ' '  the  evidence  of 
things  not  seen,  and  the  substance  of  things  hoped  for." 

Like  the  late  ROBERT  G.  INGERSOLL,  ERASMUS  was 
above  all  things  a  critic,  and  he  has  most  severely 
criticised  the  priesthood  of  his  day ;  while  our  talented 
American  orator,  from  his  tolerant  spirit,  and  from  the 
innate  kindness  of  his  nature,  was  inclined  to  mercy,  and 
looked  with  eyes  of  pity  and  commiseration  upon  the 
entire  priestly  fraternity,  they  being,  unfortunately,  the 
inheritors  of  ancient  ignorance  and  error, — which,  indeed, 
they  did  not  originate,  and  from  which  they  have  not  the 
intelligence  and  resolution  to  free  their  minds.  co 


2007487 


vi  PUBLISHER'S  PREFACE. 

From  the  secure  Citadel  of  Truth,  armed  with  the 
weapons  of  reason  and  satire,  Krasmus  has  in  this  work 
severely  bombarded  the  strongholds  of  Faith, — that  faith 
which  is  founded  on  ignorance  and  superstition — and  his 
reward  has  been  the  continued  popularity  of  his  writings 
to  the  present  day,  and  the  world-wide  recognition  of 
his  unquestioned  talents. 

Perhaps  no  writer  that  ever  lived  could  excel  or  even 
equal  Erasmus  in  painting  a  word-picture  as  vivid  and 
realistic  as  an  object  is  reflected  in  a  mirror  placed  before 
it.  His  well-known  description  of  old  age,  may  serve 
as  an  example : 

"  Some  decrepit  old  fellows,  that  look  as  hollow  as  the  grave 
into  which  they  are  falling,  that  rattle  in  the  throat  at  every  word 
they  speak,  that  can  eat  no  meat  but  what  is  tender  enough  to 
suck,  that  have  more  hair  on  their  beard  than  they  have  on  their 
head,  and  go  stooping  toward  the  dust  they  must  shortly  return 
to — whose  skin  seems  already  dressed  into  parchment,  and  their 
bones  already  dried  to  a  skeleton — these  shadows  of  men  shall  be 
wonderfully  ambitious  of  living  longer,  and  therefore  fence  off  the 
attacks  of  age  with  all  imaginable  sleights  and  impostures."  p.  108. 

On  page  116  we  are  told  that,  "in  the  infancy  of  the 
world,  ignorance  was  as  much  the  parent  of  happiness  as 
it  has  since  been  of  devotion,"  that  in  his  day  u  the  law- 
yers got  the  estates  to  themselves  which  they  were  em- 
ployed to  recover  for  their  clients,  while  in  the  mean 
time  the  poor  divine  shall  have  the  lice  crawl  upon  his 
thread-bare  gown,  before  he  can  get  money  enough  to 
purchase  a  new  one." 

The  affinity  of  Christianity  with  Folly,  and,  incident- 
ally, its  divergence  from  Wisdom,  is  clearly  shown. 

"  It  is  observable  that  the  Christian  Religion  seems  to  have 
some  relation  to  Folly,  and  no  alliance  at  all  with  wisdom.  Of 
the  truth  whereof,  if  you  desire  farther  proof  than  my  bare  word, 
you  may  please  first  to  consider  that  children,  women,  old  men, 
and  fools,  led  as  it  were  by  a  secret  impulse  of  nature,  are  always 
most  constant  in  repairing  to  church,  and  most  zealous,  devout, 
and  attentive  in  the  performance  of  the  several  parts  of  divine 


PUBLISHER'S  PREFACE.  vii 

service ;  nay,  the  first  promulgators  of  the  gospel,  and  the  first 
converts  to  Christianity,  were  men  of  plainness  and  simplicity, 
wholly  unacquainted  with  secular  policy  or  learning. 

"  Farther,  there  are  none  more  silly,  or  nearer  their  wits'  end, 
than  those  who  are  too  superstitiously  religious.  They  are  pro- 
fusely lavish  in  their  charity ;  they  invite  fresh  affronts  by  an  easy 
forgiveness  of  past  injuries  ;  they  suffer  themselves  to  be  imposed 
upon  by  laying  claim  to  the  innocence  of  the  dove  ;  they  make  it 
the  interest  of  no  person  to  oblige  them,  because  they  will  love 
and  do  good  to  their  enemies,  as  much  as  to  their  most  endearing 
friends  ;  they  banish  all  pleasure,  feeding  upon  the  penance  of 
watching,  weeping,  fasting,  sorrow  and  ,reproach ;  they  value 
not  their  lives,  but  with  St.  Paul,  wish  to  be  dissolved,  and  covet 
the  fiery  trial  of  martyrdom  :  in  a  word,  they  seem  altogether  so 
destitute  of  common  sense,  that  their  soul  seems  already  separa- 
ted from  the  dead  and  inactive  body.  And  what  else  can  we  im- 
agine all  this  to  be  than  downright  madness  ?  "  p.  313. 

It  would  be  difficult  to  surpass  the  following  severe 
but  truthful  criticism  of  the  monkish  fraternity. 

"The  next  to  these  [Divines]  are  another  sort  of  brainless 
fools,  who  style  themselves  Monks,  or  members  of  religious 
orders,  though  they  assume,  both  titles  very  unjustly:  for  as  to 
the  last,  they  have  very  little  religion  in  them  ;  and  as  to  the 
former,  the  etymology  of  the  word  Monk  implies  a  solitariness, 
or  being  alone  ;  whereas  they  are  so  thick  abroad  that  we  cannot 
pass  any  street  or  alley  without  meeting  them :  and  I  cannot  im- 
agine which  degree  of  men  could  be  more  hopelessly  wretched 
if  I  [Folly]  did  not  stand  their  friend,  and  buoy  them  up  in  that 
lake  of  misery,  which  by  the  engagements  of  a  religious  vow  they 
have  voluntarily  immerged  themselves  into. 

"But  whenifersfc  sort  of  men  are  so  unwelcome  to  others,  as  that 
the  very  sight  of  them  is  thought  ominous,  I  yet  make  them  highly 
in  love  with  themselves,  and  fond  admirers  of  their  own  happi- 
ness. The  first  step  whereunto  they  esteem  a  profound  ignorance, 
thinking  carnal  knowledge  a  great  enemy  to  spiritual  welfare,  and 
they  seem  confident  of  becoming  greater  proficients  in  divine 
mysteries,  the  less  they  are  influenced  with  any  human  learning. 

"  Among  these,  some  make  a  good  and  profitable  trade  by 
beggary,  going  about  from  house  to  house,  not  like  the  apostles, 
to  break,  but  to  beg  their  bread,  nay,  they  thrust  themselves  into 
all  public  houses,  come  aboard  the  passage-boats,  get  into  the 
traveling  wagons,  and  omit  no  opportunity  of  time  or  place  for 
craving  people's  charity,  and  doing  a  great  deal  of  injury  to  com- 
mon highway  beggars  by  interfering  with  their  traffic  of  alms. 

"  It  is  amusing  to  observe  how  they  regulate  their  actions,  as 
it  were  by  weight  and  measure,  to  so  exact  a  proportion,  as  if 
the  whole  loss  of  their  religion  depended  upon  the  omission  of 
the  least  punctilio. 


viii  PUBLISHER'S  PREFACE. 

"  Thus  they  must  be  very  critical  in  the  precise  number  of 
knots  requisite  for  tying  on  their  sandals ;  what  distinct  colors 
their  respective  habits  should  be,  and  of  what  material  made ; 
how  broad  and  long  their  girdles  ;  how  big  and  in  what  fashion 
their  hoods  ;  whether  their  bald  crowns  be  to  a  hair's-breadth  of 
the  right  cut  ;  how  many  hours  they  must  sleep,  at  what  minute 
rise  to  prayers,  etc."  p.  226. 

On  page  269  we  are  told  that  the  Monks  : 

"  Never  consider  that  their  shaven  crown  is  a  token  that 
they  should  pare  off  and  cut  away  all  the  superfluous  lusts  of 
this  world,  and  give  themselves  wholly  to  divine  meditation  ;  but 
instead  of  this,  our  bald-pated  priests  think  they  have  done 
enough  if  they  do  but  mumble  over  such  a  fardel  of  prayers, 
which  it  is  a  wonder  if  God  should  hear  or  understand,  when 
they  whisper  them  so  softly,  and  in  so  unknown  a  language, 
which  they  can  scarce  hear  or  understand  themselves.  This  they 
have  in  common  with  other  mechanics,  that  they  are  most  subtle 
in  the  craft  of  getting  money,  and  wonderfully  skilled  in  their 
respective  dues  of  tithes,  offerings,  perquisites,  etc. 

"  Thus  they  are  all  content  to  reap  the  profit,  but  as  to  the 
burden,  that  they  toss  as  a  ball  from  one  hand  to  another,  and 
assign  it  over  to  any  they  can  get  or  hire.  For  as  secular  princes 
have  their  judges  and  subordinate  ministers  to  act  in  their  name, 
and  supply  their  stead ;  so  ecclesiastical  governors  have  their 
deputies,  vicars,  and  curates,  nay,  and  many  times  turn  over 
the  whole  care  of  religion  to  the  laity.  The  laity,  supposing  they 
have  nothing  to  do  with  the  church  (as  if  their  baptismal  vow 
did  not  initiate  them  members  of  it),  make  it  over  to  the  priests ; 
of  the  priests  again,  those  that  are  secular,  thinking  their  title 
implies  them  to  be  a  little  too  profane,  assign  this  task  over  to 
the  regulars,  the  regulars  to  the  monks,  the  monks  bandy  it  from 
one  order  to  another,  till  it  light  upon  the  mendicants ;  they  lay 
it  upon  the  Carthusians,  which  order  alone  keeps  honesty  and 
piety  among  them,  but  really  keep  them  so  close  that  nobody 
could  ever  yet  see  them. 

"  Thus  the  Popes,  thrusting  out  their  sickle  into  the  harvest  of 
profit,  leave  all  the  other  toil  of  spiritual  husbandry  to  the  bishops, 
the  bishops  bestow  it  upon  the  pastors,  the  pastors  on  their  cu- 
rates, and  the  curates  commit  it  to  the  mendicants,  who  return  it 
again  to  such  as  well  know  how  to  make  good  advantage  of  the 
flock  by  securing  the  benefit  of  their  fleece." 

Many  subjects  beside  the  priesthood  and  Christianity 
are  critically  and  intelligently  discussed  by  Erasmus 
throughout  this  work,  which  the  intelligent  reader  will 
doubtless  appreciate  and  enjoy. 

PETER  ECKLER. 


THE  LIFE  OF  ERASMUS. 

C  RASMUS,  so  deservedly  famous  for  his  admirable 
1— '  writings,  the  vast  extent  of  his  learning,  his  great 
candor  and  moderation,  and  for  being  one  of  the  chief 
restorers  of  the  Latin  tongue  on  this  side  the  Alps,  was 
born  at  Rotterdam,  on  the  28th  of  October,  in  the  year 
1467.  The  anonymous  author  of  his  life  (commonly 
printed  with  his  Colloquies  of  the  London  edition)  is 
pleased  to  tell  us  that  de  anno  quo  natus  est  apud  batavos, 
non  constat.  And  if  he  himself  wrote  the  life  which  we 
find  before  the  Elzevir  edition,  said  to  be  Erasmo  autore^ 
he  does  not  particularly  mention  the  year  in  which  he 
was  born,  but  places  it  circa  annum  67  supra  millesimum 
quadringentesimum.  Another  Latin  life,  which  is  pre- 
fixed to  the  above-mentioned  London  edition,  fixes  it  in 
the  year  1465  ;  as  does  his  epitaph  at  Basil.  But  as  the 
inscription  on  his  statue  at  Rotterdam,  the  place  of  his 
nativity,  may  reasonably  be  supposed  to  be  the  most 
authentic,  we  have  followed  that. 

His  mother  was  the  daughter  of  a  physician  at  Seven- 
bergen  in  Holland,  with  whom  his  father  contracted 
an  acquaintance,  and  had  correspondence  with  her  on 
promise  of  marriage,  and  was  actually  contracted  to  her. 
His  father's  name  was  Gerard  ;  he  was  the  youngest  of 
ten  brothers,  without  one  sister  coming  between,  for 

(ix) 


X  THE   LIFE  OF   ERASMUS. 

which  reason  his  parents  (according  to  the  superstition 
of  the  times)  designed  to  consecrate  him  to  the  church. 
His  brothers  liked  the  notion,  because,  as  the  church 
then  governed  all,  they  hoped,  if  he  rose  in  his  pro- 
fession, to  have  a  sure  friend  to  advance  their  interest ; 
but  no  importunities  could  prevail  on  Gerard  to  turn 
ecclesiastic.  Finding  himself  continually  pressed  upon  so 
disagreeable  a  subject,  and  not  being  able  longer  to  bear 
it,  he  was  forced  to  fly  from  his  native  country,  leaving  a 
letter  for  his  friends,  in  which  he  acquainted  them  with 
the  reason  of  his  departure,  and  that  he  should  never 
trouble  them  again.  Thus  he  left  her  who  was  to  have 
been  his  wife,  big  with  child,  and  made  the  best  of  his 
way  to  Rome.  Being  an  admirable  master  of  the  pen, 
he  made  a  very  genteel  livelihood  by  transcribing  most 
authors  of  note  (for  printing  was  not  then  in  use).  He  for 
some  time  lived  at  large,  but  afterwards  applied  close  to 
study,  made  great  progress  in  the  Greek  and  Latin  lan- 
guages, and  in  the  civil  law  ;  for  Rome  at  that  time  was 
full  of  learned  men.  When  his  friends  knew  he  was  at 
Rome,  they  sent  him  word  that  the  young  gentlewoman 
whom  he  had  courted  for  a  wife  was  dead  ;  upon  which, 
in  a  melancholy  fit,  he  took  orders,  and  turned  his 
thoughts  wholly  to  the  study  of  divinity.  He  returned 
to  his  own  country,  and  found  to  his  grief  that  he  had 
been  imposed  upon  ;  but  it  was  too  late  to  think  of 
marriage,  so  he  dropped  all  farther  pretensions  to  his 
mistress  ;  nor  would  she  after  this  unlucky  adventure  be 
induced  to  marry. 

The  son  took  the  name  of  Gerard  after  his  father, 
which  in  German  signifies  amiable,  and  (after  the  fashion 


THE  LIFE  OF  ERASMUS.  XI 

of  the  learned  men  of  that  age,  who  affected  to  give  their 
names  a  Greek  or  L,atin  turn)  his  was  turned  into 
Erasmus,  which  in  Greek  has  the  same  signification. 
He  was  chorister  of  the  cathedral  church  of  Utrecht  till 
he  was  nine  years  old  ;  after  which  he  was  sent  to 
Deventer  to  be  instructed  by  the  famous  Alexander 
Hegius,  a  Westphalian.  Under  so  able  a  master  he 
proved  an  extraordinary  proficient ;  and  it  is  remarkable 
that  he  had  such  a  strength  of  memory  as  to  be  able  to 
say  all  Terence  and  Horace  by  heart.  He  was  now 
arrived  to  the  thirteenth  year  of  his  age,  and  had  been 
continually  under  the  watchful  eye  of  his  mother,  who 
died  of  the  plague  then  raging  at  Deventer.  The  con- 
tagion daily  increasing,  and  having  swept  away  the 
family  where  he  boarded,  he  was  obliged  to  return  home. 
His  father  Gerard  was  so  concerned  at  his  wife's  death 
that  he  grew  melancholy,  and  died  soon  after  :  neither 
of  his  parents  being  much  above  forty  when  they  died. 

Erasmus  had  three  guardians  assigned  him,  the  chief 
of  whom  was  Peter  Winkel,  schoolmaster  of  Goude ;  and 
the  fortune  left  him  was  amply  sufficient  for  his  support, 
if  his  executors  had  faithfully  discharged  their  trust. 
Although  he  was  fit  for  the  University,  his  guardians 
were  averse  to  sending  him  there,  as  they  designed  him 
for  a  monastic  life,  and  therefore  removed  him  to  Bois- 
le-duc,  where,  he  says,  he  lost  near  three  years,  living 
in  a  Franciscan  convent.  The  professor  of  humanity 
in  this  Convent,  admiring  his  rising  genius,  daily  im- 
portuned him  to  take  the  habit,  and  be  of  their  order. 
Erasmus  had  no  great  inclination  for  the  cloister  ;  not 
that  he  had  the  least  dislike  to  the  severities  of  a  pious 


xii  THE  LIFE  OF   ERASMUS. 

life,  but  he  could  not  reconcile  himself  to  the  monastic 
profession  ;  he  therefore  urged  his  rawness  of  age,  and 
desired  farther  to  consider  better  of  the  matter.  The 
plague  spreading  in  those  parts,  and  he  having  struggled 
a  long  time  with  a  quartan  ague,  obliged  him  to  return 
home. 

His  guardians  employed  those  about  him  to  use  all 
manner  of  arguments  to  prevail  on  him  to  enter  the 
order  of  monk  ;  sometimes  threatening,  and  at  other 
times  making  use  of  flattery  and  fair  speeches.  When 
Winkel,  his  guardian,  found  him  not  to  be  moved  from 
his  resolution,  he  told  him  that  he  threw  up  his  guardi- 
anship from  that  moment.  Young  Erasmus  replied, 
that  he  took  him  at  his  word,  since  he  was  old  enough 
now  to  look  out  for  himself.  When  Winkel  found  that 
threats  did  not  avail,  he  employed  his  brother,  who  was 
the  other  guardian,  to  see  what  he  could  effect  by  fair 
means.  Thus  he  was  surrounded  by  them  and  their 
agents  on  all  sides. 

By  mere  accident,  Erasmus  went  to  visit  a  religious 
house  belonging  to  the  same  order,  in  Emaus  or  Steyn, 
near  Goude,  where  he  met  with  one  Cornelius,  who  had 
been  his  companion  at  Deventer  ;  and  though  he  had  not 
himself  taken  the  habit,  he  was  perpetually  preaching 
up  the  advantages  of  a  religious  life,  as  the  convenience 
of  noble  libraries,  the  helps  of  learned  conversation, 
retirement  from  the  noise  and  folly  of  the  world,  and 
the  like.  Thus  at  last  he  was  induced  to  pitch  upon 
this  Convent.  Upon  his  admission  they  fed  him  with 
great  promises,  to  engage  him  to  take  the  holy  cloth  ; 
and  though  he  found  almost  everything  fall  short  of  his 


THE  LIFE  OF  ERASMUS.  Xlll 

expectation,  yet  his  necessities,  and  the  usage  he  was 
threatened  with  if  he  abandoned  their  order,  prevailed 
with  him,  after  his  year  of  probation,  to  profess  himself 
a  member  of  their  fraternity.  Not  long  after  this,  he 
had  the  honor  to  be  known  to  Henry  a  Bergis,  bishop 
of  Cambray,  who  having  some  hopes  of  obtaining  a 
cardinal's  hat,  wanted  one  perfectly  master  of  Latin  to 
solicit  this  affair  for  him  ;  for  this  purpose  Erasmus  was 
taken  into  the  bishop's  family,  where  he  wore  the  habit 
of  his  order. 

The  bishop  not  succeeding  in  his  expectation  at 
Rome,  proved  fickle  and  wavering  in  his  affection; 
therefore  Erasmus  prevailed  with  him  to  send  him  to 
Paris,  to  prosecute  his  studies  in  that  famous  university, 
with  the  promise  of  an  annual  allowance,  which  was 
never  paid  him.  He  was  admitted  into  Montague  Col- 
lege, but  indisposition  obliged  him  to  return  to  the 
bishop,  by  whom  he  was  honorably  entertained. 

Finding  his  health  restored,  he  made  a  journey  to 
Holland,  intending  to  settle  there,  but  was  persuaded  to 
go  a  second  time  to  Paris  ;  where,  having  no  patron  to 
support  him,  he  says,  he  rather  made  a  shift  to  live, 
than  he  could  be  said  to  study. 

He  next  visited  England,  where  he  was  received  with 
great  respect ;  and  as  appears  by  several  of  his  letters, 
he  honored  it  next  to  the  place  of  his  nativity.  In  a 
letter  to  Andrelinus,  inviting  him  to  England,  he  speaks 
highly  of  the  beauty  of  the  English  ladies,  and  thus  de- 
scribes their  innocent  freedom  :  "  When  you  come  into 
a  gentleman's  house  you  are  allowed  the  favor  to  salute 
them,  and  the  same  when  you  take  leave."  He  was 


XIV  THE   LIFE   OF   ERASMUS. 

particularly  acquainted  with  Sir  Thomas  More,  Colet, 
dean  of  Saint  Paul's,  Grocinus,  Linacer,  L,atimer,  and 
many  of  the  most  eminent  men  of  that  time  ;  and 
passed  some  years  at  Cambridge.  On  his  way  to  France 
he  had  the  misfortune  to  be  stripped  of  everything  ;  but 
he  did  not  revenge  this  injury  by  any  unjust  reflection 
on  the  country.  Not  meeting  with  the  preferment  he 
expected,  he  made  a  voyage  to  Italy,  at  that  time  little 
inferior  to  the  Augustan  age  for  learning.  He  took  his 
doctor  of  divinity  degree  in  the  university  of  Turin  ; 
stayed  about  a  year  in  Bologna  ;  afterward  went  to 
Venice,  and  there  published  his  book  of  Adages  from 
the  press  of  the  famous  Aldus.  He  removed  to  Padua, 
and  last  to  Rome,  where  his  fame  had  arrived  long 
before  him.  Here  he  gained  the  friendship  of  all  the 
considerable  persons  of  the  city,  nor  could  he  have  failed 
to  have  made  his  fortune,  had  he  not  been  prevailed 
upon  by  the  great  promises  of  his  friends  in  England  to 
return  thither  on  Henry  VIII  coming  to  the  crown. 
He  was  taken  into  favor  by  Warham,  archbishop  of 
Canterbury,  who  gave  him  the  living  of  Aldington,  in 
Kent ;  but  whether  Erasmus  was  wanting  in  making  his 
court  to  Wolsey,  or  whether  the  cardinal  viewed  him 
with  a  jealous  eye,  because  he  was  a  favorite  of  Warham, 
between  whom  and  Wolsey  there  was  perpetual  clashing, 
we  know  not ;  however,  being  disappointed,  Erasmus 
went  to  Flanders,  and  by  the  interest  of  Chancellor 
Sylvagius,  was  made  counsellor  to  Charles  of  Austria, 
afterward  Charles  V,  emperor  of  Germany.  He  resided 
several  years  at  Basil  ;  but  on  the  mass  being  abolished 
in  that  city  by  the  Reformation,  he  retired  to  Friberg 


THE   LIFE   OF   ERASMUS.  XV 

in  Alsace,  where  he  lived  seven  years.  Having  been  for 
a  long  time  afflicted  with  the  gout,  he  left  Friberg,  and 
returned  to  Basil.  Here  the  gout  soon  left  him,  but  he 
was  seized  by  a  dysentery,  and  after  laboring  a  whole 
month  under  that  disorder,  died  on  the  22nd  of  July, 
1536,  in  the  house  of  Jerome  Frobenius,  son  of  John,  the 
famous  printer. 

He  was  honorably  interred,  and  the  city  of  Basil  still 
pays  the  highest  respecl  to  the  memory  of  so  great 
a  man. 

Erasmus  was  the  most  facetious  man,  and  the  greatest 
critic  of  his  age.  He  carried  on  a  reformation  in  learning 
at  the  same  time  he  advanced  that  of  religion  ;  and  pro- 
moted a  purity  of  style  as  well  as  simplicity  of  worship. 
This  drew  on  him  the  hatred  of  the  ecclesiastics,  who 
were  no  less  bigoted  to  their  barbarisms  in  language 
and  philosophy,  than  they  were  to  their  superstitious 
and  gaudy  ceremonies  in  religion  ;  they  murdered  him 
in  their  dull  treatises,  libeled  him  in  their  wretched 
sermons,  and  in  their  last  and  most  effectual  efforts  of 
malice,  they  joined  some  of  their  own  execrable  stuff  to 
his  compositions  ;  of  which  he  himself  complains  in  a 
letter  addressed  to  the  divines  of  Louvain.  He  exposed 
with  great  freedom  the  vices  and  corruptions  of  his  own 
church,  yet  never  would  be  persuaded  to  leave  her  com- 
munion. The  papal  policy  would  never  have  suffered 
Erasmus  to  have  taken  so  unbridled  a  range  in  the 
reproof  and  censure  of  her  extravagancies,  but  under 
such  circumstances,  when  the  public  attack  of  I/uther 
imposed  on  her  a  prudential  necessity  of  not  disobliging 
her  friends,  that  she  might  with  more  united  strength 


Xvi  THE  LIFE  OF  ERASMUS. 

oppose  the  common  enemy  ;  and  patiently  bore  what  at 
any  other  time  she  would  have  resented. 

Perhaps  no  man  has  obliged  the  public  with  a  greater 
number  of  useful  volumes  than  our  author  ;  though 
several  have  been  attributed  to  him  which  he  never 
wrote.  His  book  of  Colloquies  has  passed  through  more 
editions  than  any  of  his  others.  Moreri  tells  us  a 
boseller  in  Paris  sold  twenty  thousand  copies  of  one 
edition. 


EPISTLE  TO  SIR  THOMAS   MORE. 

IN  my  late  travels  from  Italy  into  England,  that  I 
might  not  trifle  away  my  time  in  the  rehearsal  of  old 
wives'  fables,  I  thought  it  more  pertinent  to  employ  my 
thoughts  in  reflecting  upon  some  past  studies,  or  calling 
to  remembrance  several  of  those  highly  learned,  as  well 
as  smartly  ingenious,  friends  I  had  here  left  behind, 
among  whom  you  (dear  Sir)  were  represented  as  the 
chief ;  whose  memory,  while  absent  at  this  distance,  I 
respect  with  no  less  a  complacency  than  I  was  wont 
while  present  to  enjoy  your  more  intimate  conversation, 
which  last  afforded  me  the  greatest  satisfaction  I  could 
possibly  hope  for.  Having  therefore  resolved  to  be  a 
doing,  and  deeming  that  time  improper  for  any  serious 
concerns,  I  thought  good  to  divert  myself  with  drawing 
up  a  panegyric  upon'  Folly.  How  !  what  maggot  (say 
you)  put  this  in  your  head  ?  Why,  the  first  hint,  Sir, 
was  your  own  surname  of  More,  which  comes  as  near 
the  literal  sound  of  the  word,*  as  you  yourself  are  dis- 
tant from  the  signification  of  it,  and  that  in  all  men's 
judgments  is  vastly  wide.  In  the  next  place,  I  supposed 
that  this  kind  of  sporting  wit  would  be  by  you  more  es- 
pecially accepted  of, — by  you,  Sir,  that  are  wont  with 
this  sort  of  jocose  raillery  (such  as,  if  I  mistake  not,  is 
neither  dull  nor  impertinent)  to  be  mightily  pleased,  and 
in  your  ordinary  converse  to  approve  yourself  a  Democ- 

*Mvpia.  (xix) 


XX  EPISTLE  TO  SIR  THOMAS  MORE. 

ritus  junior :  for  truly,  as  you  do  from  a  singular  vein 
of  wit  very  much  dissent  from  the  common  herd  of  man- 
kind ;  so,  by  an  incredible  affability  and  pliableness  of 
temper,  you  have  the  art  of  suiting  your  humor  with  all 
sorts  of  companies.  I  hope  therefore  you  will  not  only 
readily  accept  of  this  rude  essay  as  a  token  from  your 
friend,  but  take  it  under  your  more  immediate  protec- 
tion, as  being  dedicated  to  you,  and  by  that  title  adopted 
for  yours,  rather  than  to  be  fathered  as  my  own.  And 
it  is  a  chance  if  there  be  wanting  some  quarrelsome 
persons  that  will  show  their  teeth,  and  pretend  these 
fooleries  are  either  too  buffoon-like  for  a  grave  divine, 
or  too  satirical  for  a  meek  Christian,  and  so  will  exclaim 
against  me  as  if  I  were  vamping  up  some  old  farce,  or 
acted  anew  the  Laician  again  with  a  peevish  snarling  at 
all  things.  But  those  who  are  offended  at  the  lightness 
and  pedantry  of  this  subject,  I  would  have  them  consider 
that  I  do  not  set  myself  for  the  first  example  of  this 
kind,  but  that  the  same  has  been  oft  done  by  many  con- 
siderable authors.  For  thus  several  ages  since,  Homer 
wrote  of  no  more  weighty  a  subject  than  of  a  war  between 
the  frogs  and  mice,  Virgil  of  a  gnat  and  a  pudding-cake, 
and  Ovid  of  a  nut.  Polycrates  commended  the  cruelty 
of  Busiris  ;  and  Isocrates,  that  corrects  him  for  this,  did 
as  much  for  the  injustice  of  Glaucus.  Favorinus  ex- 
tolled Thersites,  and  wrote  in  praise  of  a  quartan  ague. 
Synesius  pleaded  in  behalf  of  baldness  ;  and  Lucian 
defended  a  sipping  fly.  Seneca  drollingly  related  the 
deifying  of  Claudius  ;  Plutarch  the  dialogue  betwixt 
Gryllus  and  Ulysses  ;  L,ucian  and  Apuleius  the  story  of 
an  ass  ;  and  somebody  else  records  the  last  will  of  a  hog, 


EPISTLE  TO  SIR  THOMAS   MORE.  XXI 

of  which  St.  Hierom  makes  mention.  So  that  if  they 
please,  let  themselves  think  the  worst  of  me,  and  fancy 
to  themselves  that  I  was  all  this  while  a  playing  at  push- 
pin, or  riding  astride  on  a  hobby-horse.  For  how  unjust 
is  it,  if  when  we  allow  different  recreations  to  each  par- 
ticular course  of  life,  we  afford  no  diversion  to  studies  ; 
especially  when  trifles  may  be  a  whet  to  more  serious 
thoughts,  and  comical  matters  may  be  so  treated  of,  as 
that  a  reader  of  ordinary  sense  may  possibly  thence  reap 
more  advantage  than  from  some  more  big  and  stately 
argument :  as  while  one  in  a  long-winded  oration  des- 
cants in  commendation  of  rhetoric  or  philosophy,  another 
in  a  fulsome  harangue  sets  forth  the  praise  of  his  nation, 
a  third  makes  a  zealous  invitation  to  a  holy  war  with  the 
Turks,  another  confidently  sets  up  for  a  fortune-teller, 
and  a  fifth  states  questions  upon  mere  impertinences. 
But  as  nothing  is  more  childish  than  to  handle  a  serious 
subject  in  a  loose,  wanton  style,  so  is  there  nothing  more 
pleasant  than  to  so  treat  of  trifles,  as  to  make  them  seem 
nothing  less  than  what  their  name  imports.  As  to  what 
relates  to  myself,  I  must  be  forced  to  submit  to  the 
judgment  of  others  ;  yet,  except  I  am  too  partial  to  be  a 
judge  in  my  own  case,  I  am  apt  to  believe  I  have  praised 
Folly  in  such  a  manner  as  not  to  have  deserved  the  name 
of  fool  for  my  pains. 

To  reply  now  to  the  objection  of  satiricalness,  wits 
have  been  always  allowed  this  privilege,  that  they  might 
be  smart  upon  any  transactions  of  life,  if  so  be  their  lib- 
erty did  not  extend  to  railing  ;  which  makes  me  wonder 
at  the  tender-eared  humor  of  this  age,  which  will  admit 
no  address  without  the  prefatory  repetition  of  all  formal 


XX11  EPISTLE  TO  SIR  THOMAS  MORE. 

titles  ;  nay,  you  may  find  some  so  preposterously  devout, 
that  they  will  sooner  wink  at  the  greatest  affront  against 
our  Saviour,  than  be  content  that  a  prince,  or  a  pope, 
should  be  nettled  with  the  least  joke  or  gird,  especially 
in  what  relates  to  their  ordinary  customs.  But  he  who 
so  blames  men's  irregularities  as  to  lash  at  no  one  par- 
ticular person  by  name,  does  he  (I  say)  seem  to  carp  so 
properly  as  to  teach  and  instruct?  And  if  so,  how  am  I 
concerned  to  make  any  farther  excuse  ?  Beside,  he  who 
in  his  strictures  points  indifferently  at  all,  he  seems  not 
angry  at  one  man,  but  at  all  vices. 

Therefore,  if  any  singly  complain  they  are  particularly 
reflected  upon,  they  do  but  betray  their  own  guilt,  at 
least  their  cowardice.  Saint  Hierom  dealt  in  the  same 
argument  at  a  much  freer  and  sharper  rate  ;  nay,  and  he 
did  not  sometimes  refrain  from  naming  the  persons  : 
whereas  I  have  not  only  stifled  the  mentioning  any  one 
person,  but  have  so  tempered  my  style,  as  the  ingenious 
reader  will  easily  perceive  I  aimed  at  diversion  rather 
than  satire.  Neither  did  I  so  far  imitate  Juvinal,  as  to 
rake  into  the  sink  of  vices  to  procure  a  laughter,  rather 
than  create  a  hearty  abhorrence.  If  there  be  any  one 
that  after  all  remains  yet  unsatisfied,  let  him  at  least 
consider  that  there  may  be  good  use  made  of  being  rep- 
rehended by  Folly,  which  since  we  have  feigned  as 
speaking,  we  must  keep  up  that  character  which  is  suit- 
able to  the  person  introduced. 

But  why  do  I  trouble  you,  Sir,  with  this  needless 
apology,  you  that  are  so  peculiar  a  patron  ;  as,  though 
the  cause  itself  be  none  of  the  best,  you  can  at  least 
give  it  the  best  protection.  Farewell. 


ARGUMENT  AND   DESIGN   OF  THE 
FOLLOWING  ORATION. 

WHATE'ER  the  modern  satyrs  o'  th'  stage, 
To  jerk  the  failures  of  a  sliding  age, 
Have  lavishly  expos'd  to  public  view, 
For  a  discharge  to  all  from  envy  due, 
Here  in  as  lively  colors  naked  lie, 
With  equal  wit  and  more  of  modesty, 
Those  poets,  with  their  free  disclosing  arts, 
Strip  vice  so  near  to  its  uncomely  parts, 
Their  libels  prove  but  lessons,  and  they  teach, 
Those  very  crimes  which  they  intend  t'  impeach : 
While  here  so  wholesome  all,  tho'  sharp  t'  th'  taste, 
So  briskly  free,  yet  so  resolv'dly  chaste  ; 
The  virgin  naked  as  her  god  of  bows, 
May  read  or  hear  when  blood  at  highest  flows ; 
Nor  more  expense  of  blushes  thence  arise, 
Than  while  the  ledl'ring  matron  does  advise 
To  guard  her  virtue,  and  her  honor  prize. 

Satire  and  panegyric,  distant  be, 
Yet  jointly  here  they  both  in  one  agree. 
The  whole's  a  sacrifice  of  salt  and  fire ; 
So  does  the  humor  of  the  age  require, 
To  chafe  the  touch,  and  so  foment  desire. 
As  doctrine-dangling  preachers  lull  asleep 
Their  unattentive  pent-up  fold  of  sheep  ; 

The  opiated  milk  glues  up  the  brain, 

(xxiii) 


XXIV         DESIGN  OF  THE  FOLLOWING  ORATION. 

And  th'  babes  of  grace  are  in  their  cradles  lain  ; 

While  mounted  Andrews,  bawdy,  bold,  and  loud, 

Like  cocks,  alarm  and  fright  the  drowsy  crowd, 

Whose  ample  ears  are  prick'd  as  bolt  upright, 

As  sailing  hairs  are  hoisted  in  a  fright. 

So  does  it  fare  with  croaking  spawns  o'  th'  press, 

The  mould  o'  th'  subject  alters  the  success  ; 

What's  serious,  like  sleep,  grants  writs  of  ease, 

Satire  and  ridicule  can  only  please  ; 

As  if  no  other  animals  could  gape, 

But  the  biting-badger,  or  the  snick'ring  ape. 

Folly  by  irony's  commended  here, 
Sooth'd,  that  her  weakness  may  the  more  appear. 
Thus  fools,  who  trick'd,  in  red  and  yellow  shine, 
Are  made  believe  that  they  are  wondrous  fine, 
When  all's  a  plot  t'  expose  them  by  design. 

The  largesses  of  Folly  here  are  strown 
Like  pebbles,  not  to  pick,  but  trample  on. 
Thus  Spartans  laid  their  drunken  slaves  before 
The  boys,  to  jostle,  kick,  and  tumble  o'er : 
Not  that  the  dry-lipp'd  youngsters  might  combine 
To  taste  and  know  the  mystery  of  wine, 
But  wonder  thus  at  men  transformed  to  swine  ; 
And  th'  power  of   such    enchantment  to   escape, 
Timely  renounce  the  devil  of  the  grape. 

So  here, 

Though  Folly  speaker  be,  and  argument, 
Wit  guides  the  tongue,  wisdom's  the  Lecture  meant. 


ERASMUS  IN  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY. 

An  oration  of  feigned  matter,  spoken  by  FOLLY  in 
her  own  person. 

HOW  slightly  soever  I  am  esteemed  in  the  common 
vogue  of  the  world,  (for  I  well  know  how  disin- 
genuously Folly  is  decried,  even  by  those  who  are  them- 
selves the  greatest  fools,)  yet  it  is  from  my  influence 
alone  that  the  whole  universe  receives  her  ferment  of 
mirth  and  jollity  :  of  which  this  may  be  urged  as  a  con- 
vincing argument,  in  that  as  soon  as  I  appeared  to  speak 
before  this  numerous  assembly,  all  their  countenances 
were  gilded  over  with  a  lively  sparkling  pleasantness  : 
you  soon  welcomed  me  with  so  encouraging  a  look,  you 
spurred  me  on  with  so  cheerful  a  hum,  that  truly  in  all 
appearance,  you  seem  now  flushed  with  a  good  dose  of 
reviving  nectar,  when  as  just  before  you  sate  drowsy  and 
melancholy,  as  if  you  were  lately  come  out  of  some  her- 
mit's cell. 

But  as  it  is  usual,  that  as  soon  as  the  smT  peeps 
from  her  eastern  bed,  and  draws  back  the  curtains 
of  the  darksome  night ;  or  as  when,  after  a  hard  winter, 
the  restorative  spring  breathes  a  more  enlivening  air, 
nature  forthwith  changes  her  apparel,  and  all  things 
seem  to  renew  their  age  ;  so  at  the  first  sight  of  me  you 

all   unmask,  and  appear  in  more   lively   colors.     That 
(25) 


26  THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY. 

therefore  which  expert  orators  can  scarce  effect  by  all 
their  little  artifice  of  eloquence,  to  wit,  securing  the 
attention  of  their  auditors  to  a  composedness  of  thought, 
this  a  bare  look  from  me  has  commanded.  The  reason 
why  I  appear  in  this  odd  kind  of  garb,  you  shall  soon  be 
informed  of,  if  for  so  short  a  while  you  will  have  but  the 
patience  to  lend  me  an  ear  ;  yet  not  such  a  one  as  you 
are  wont  to  hearken  with  to  your  reverend  preachers, 
but  as  you  listen  withal  to  mountebanks,  buffoons  and 
merry-andrews  ;  in  short,  such  as  formerly  were  fastened 
to  Midas,  as  a  punishment  for  his  affront  to  the  god 
Pan. 

For  I  am  now  in  a  humor  to  act  awhile  the  sophist, 
yet  not  of  that  sort  who  undertake  the  drudgery  of 
tyrannizing  over  school  boys,  and  teach  a  more  than 
womanish  knack  of  brawling  ;  but  in  imitation  of  those 
ancient  ones,  who  to  avoid  the  scandalous  epithet  of 
wise,  preferred  this  title  of  sophists  ;  the  task  of  these 
was  to  celebrate  the  worth  of  gods  and  heroes.  Prepare 
therefore  to  be  entertained  with  a  panegyric,  yet  not 
upon  Hercules,  Solon,  or  any  other  grandee,  but  on  my- 
self, that  is,  upon  Folly. 

And  here  I  value  not  their  censure  that  pretend  it  is 
foppish  and  affected  for  any  person  to  praise  himself : 
yet  let  it  be  as  silly  as  they  please,  if  they  will  but  allow 
it  needful :  and  indeed  what  is  more  befiting  than  that 
Folly  should  be  the  trumpet  of  her  own  praise,  and 
dance  after  her  own  pipe  ?  for  who  can  set  me  forth 
better  than  myself?  or  who  can  pretend  to  be  so  well 
acquainted  with  my  condition  ? 

And  yet  farther,  I  may  safely  urge,  that  all  this  is  no 


Folly  readily  receives  Attention. 


THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY.  29 

more  than  the  same  with  what  is  done  by  several  seem- 
ingly great  and  wise  men,  who  with  a  new-fashioned 
modesty  employ  some  paltry  orator  or  scribbling  poet, 
whom  they  bribe  to  flatter  them  with  some  high-flown 
character,  that  shall  consist  of  mere  lies  and  shams  ;  and 
yet  the  persons  thus  extolled  shall  bristle  up,  and, 
peacock -like,  bespread  their  plumes,  while  the  impudent 
parasite  magnifies  the  poor  wretch  to  the  skies,  and 
proposes  him  as  a  complete  pattern  of  all  virtues,  from 
each  of  which  he  is  yet  as  far  distant  as  heaven  itself 
from  hell :  what  is  all  this  in  the  mean  while,  but  the 
tricking  up  a  daw  in  stolen  feathers  ;  a  laboring  to 
change  the  black-a-moor's  hue,  and  the  drawing  on  a 
pigmy's  frock  over  the  shoulders  of  a  giant. 

L,astly,  I  verify  the  old  observation,  that  allows  him 
a  right  of  praising  himself,  who  has  nobody  else  to  do  it 
for  him  :  for  really,  I  cannot  but  admire  at  that  ingrati- 
tude, shall  I  term  it,  or  blockishness  of  mankind,  who 
when  they  all  willingly  pay  to  me  their  utmost  devoir, 
and  freely  acknowledge  their  respective  obligations ; 
that  notwithstanding  this,  there  should  have  been  none 
so  grateful  or  complaisant  as  to  have  bestowed  on  me  a 
commendatory  oration,  especially  when  there  have  not 
been  wanting  such  as  at  a  great  expense  of  sweat,  and 
loss  of  sleep,  have  in  elaborate  speeches,  given  high 
encomiums  to  tyrants,  agues,  flies,  baldness  and  such 
like  trumperies. 

I  shall  entertain  you  with'a  hasty  and  unpremeditated, 
but  so  much  the  more  natural  discourse.  My  venting  it 
ex  tempore^  I  would  not  have  you  think  proceeds  from 
any  principles  of  vain  glory  by  which  ordinary  orators 


30  THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY. 

square  their  attempts,  who  (as  it  is  easy  to  observe) 
when  they  are  delivered  of  a  speech  that  has  been  thirty 
years  a  conceiving,  nay,  perhaps  at  last  none  of  their 
own,  yet  they  will  swear  they  wrote  it  in  a  great  hurry,  and 
upon  very  short  warning  :  whereas  the  reason  of  my  not 
being  provided  beforehand  is  only  because  it  was  always 
my  humor  constantly  to  speak  that  which  lies  upper- 
most. Next,  let  no  one  be  so  fond  as  to  imagine,  that  I 
should  so  far  stint  my  invention  to  the  method  of  other 
pleaders,  as  first  to  define,  and  then  divide  my  subject, 
i.e.y  myself.  For  it  is  equally  hazardous  to  attempt  the 
crowding  her  within  the  narrow  limits  of  a  definition, 
whose  nature  is  of  so  diffusive  an  extent,  or  to  mangle 
and  disjoin  that,  to  the  adoration  whereof  all  nations 
unitedly  concur.  Beside,  to  what  purpose  is  it  to  lay 
down  a  definition  for  a  faint  resemblance,  and  mere 
shadow  of  me,  while  appearing  here  personally,  you 
may  view  me  in  a  more  certain  light?  and  if  your  eye- 
sight fail  not,  you  may  at  first  blush  discern  me  to  be 
her  whom  the  Greeks  term  Moapla,  the  Latins  stultitia. 

But  why  need  I  have  been  so  impertinent  as  to  have 
told  you  this,  as  if  my  very  looks  did  not  sufficiently 
betray  what  I  am  ;  or  supposing  any  be  so  credulous  as 
to  take  me  for  some  sage  matron  or  goddess  of  wisdom, 
as  if  a  single  glance  from  me  would  not  immediately 
correct  their  mistake,  while  my  visage,  the  exact  reflex 
of  my  soul,  would  supply  and  supersede  the  trouble  of 
any  other  confessions  ;  for  I  appear  always  in  my  natural 
colors,  and  an  unartificial  dress,  and  never  let  my  face 
pretend  one  thing,  and  my  heart  conceal  another  ;  nay, 
and  in  all  things  I  am  so  true  to  my  principles,  that  I 


The  Physician. 


THE   PRAISE  OF  FOLLY.  33 

cannot  be  so  much  as  counterfeited,  even  by  those  who 
challenge  the  name  of  wits,  yet  indeed  are  no  better 
than  jackanapes  tricked  up  in  gawdy  clothes,  and  asses 
strutting  in  lions'  skins  ;  and  how  cunningly  soever 
they  carry  it,  their  long  ears  appear,  and  betray  what 
they  are.  These  in  troth  are  very  rude  and  disingenuous, 
for  while  they  apparently  belong  to  my  party,  yet  among 
the  vulgar  they  are  so  ashamed  of  my  relation,  as  to  cast 
it  in  others'  dish  for  a  shame  and  reproach  :  wherefore 
since  they  are  so  eager  to  be  accounted  wise,  when  in 
truth  they  are  extremely  silly,  what,  if  to  give  them 
their  due,  I  dub  them  with  the  title  of  wise  fools  :  and 
herein  they  copy  after  the  example  of  some  modern 
orators,  who  swell  to  that  proportion  of  conceitedness, 
as  to  vaunt  themselves  for  so  many  giants  of  eloquence, 
if  with  a  double-tongued  fluency  they  can  plead  indiffer- 
ently for  either  side,  and  deem  it  a  very  doughty  exploit 
if  they  can  but  interlard  a  I/atin  sentence  with  some 
Greek  word,  which  for  seeming  garnish  they  crowd  in 
at  a  venture  ;  and  rather  than  be  at  a  stand  for  some 
cramp  words,  they  will  furnish  up  a  long  scroll  of  old 
obsolete  terms  out  of  some  musty  author,  and  foist  them 
in  to  amuse  the  reader  with,  that  those  who  understand 
them  may  be  tickled  with  the  happiness  of  being  ac- 
quainted with  them  :  and  those  who  understand  them 
not,  the  less  they  know  the  more  they  may  admire  ; 
whereas  it  has  been  always  a  custom  to  those  of  our  side 
to  contemn  and  undervalue  whatever  is  strange  and  un- 
usual, while  those  that  are  better  conceited  of  themselves 
will  nod  and  smile,  and  prick  up  their  ears,  that  they 
may  be  thought  easily  to  apprehend  that,  of  which  per- 


34  THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY. 

haps  they  do  not  understand  one  word.  And  so  much 
for  this  ;  pardon  the  digression,  now  I  return. 

Of  my  name  I  have  informed  you,  Sirs  ;  what  addi- 
tional epithet  to  give  you  I  know  not,  except  you  will 
be  content  with  that  of  most  foolish  ;  for  under  what 
more  proper  appellation  can  the  goddess  Folly  greet  her 
devotees  ?  But  since  there  are  few  acquainted  with  my 
family  and  origin,  I  will  now  give  you  some  account  of 
my  extraction. 

First  then,  my  father  was  neither  the  chaos,  nor  hell, 
nor  Saturn,  nor  Jupiter,  nor  any  of  those  old,  worn  out, 
grandsire  gods,  but  Plutus,  the  very  same  that,  maugre 
Homer,  Hesiod,  nay,  in  spite  of  Jove  himself,  was  the 
primary  father  of  the  universe  ;  at  whose  beck  alone,  for 
all  ages,  religion  and  civil  policy  have  been  successively 
undermined  and  re-established — by  whose  powerful  in- 
fluence war,  peace,  empire,  debates,  justice,  magistracy, 
marriage,  leagues,  compacts,  laws,  arts,  (I  have  almost 
run  myself  out  of  breath,)  but  in  a  word,  all  affairs  of 
church  and  state,  and  business  of  private  concern,  are 
severally  ordered  and  administered  ;  without  whose 
assistance  all  the  Poets'  gang  of  deities,  nay,  I  may  be 
so  bold  as  to  say  the  very  major-domos  of  heaven,  would 
either  dwindle  into  nothing,  or  at  least  be  confined  to 
their  respective  homes  without  any  ceremonies  of  devo- 
tional address.  Whoever  he  combats  with  as  an  enemy, 
nothing  can  be  armor-proof  against  his  assaults  ;  and 
whosoever  he  sides  with  as  a  friend,  may  grapple  at  even 
hand  with  Jove,  and  all  his  bolts.  Of  such  a  father  I 
may  well  brag ;  and  he  begot  me,  not  of  his  brain,  as 
Jupiter  did  the  hag  Pallas,  but  of  a  pretty  young  nymph, 


The  Harp  and  the  Ass. 


The  Wise  Father  and  Foolish  Son. 


Jove  and  his  Nurse. 


THE  PRAISE  OP  FOLLY.  43 

famed  for  wit  no  less  than  beauty:  and  this  feat  was  not 
done  amidst  the  embraces  of  dull  nauseous  wedlock,  but 
what  gave  a  greater  gust  to  the  pleasure,  it  was  done  at  a 
stolen  bout,  as  we  may  modestly  phrase  it.  But  to  pre- 
vent your  mistaking  me,  I  would  have  you  understand 
that  my  father  was  not  that  Plutus  in  Aristophanes,  old, 
dry,  withered,  sapless  and  blind  ;  but  the  same  in  his 
younger  and  brisker  days,  and  when  his  veins  were  more 
impregnated,  and  the  heat  of  his  youth  somewhat  higher 
inflamed  by  a  chirping  cup  of  nectar,  which  for  a  whet 
to  his  lust  he  had  just  before  drank  very  freely  of  at  a 
merry-meeting  of  the  gods.  And  now  presuming  you 
may  be  inquisitive  after  my  birth-place  (the  quality  of 
the  place  we  are  born  in,  being  now  looked  upon  as  a 
main  ingredient  of  gentility).  I  was  born  neither  in  the 
floating  Delo's,  nor  on  the  frothy  sea,  nor  in  any  of  these 
privacies,  where  too  forward  mothers  are  wont  to  retire 
for  an  undiscovered  delivery  ;  but  in  the  fortune  islands, 
where  all  things  grow  without  the  toil  of  husbandry, 
wherein  there  is  no  drudgery,  no  distempers,  no  old  age, 
where  in  the  fields  grow  no  daffodills,  mallows,  onions, 
pease,  beans,  or  such  kind  of  trash,  but  there  give  equal 
divertisement  to  our  sight  and  smelling,  rue,  all-heal, 
bugloss,  marjoram,  herb  of  life,  roses,  violets,  hyacinths, 
and  such  like  fragrances  as  perfume  the  gardens  of 
Adonis.  And  being  born  amongst  these  delights,  I  did 
not,  like  other  infants,  come  crying  into  the  world,  but 
perked  up,  and  laughed  immediately  in  my  mother's 
face.  And  there  is  no  reason  I  should  envy  Jove  for 
having  a  she-goat  for  his  nurse,  since  I  was  more  credit- 
ably suckled  by  two  jolly  nymphs  ;  the  name  of  the  first 


44  THE   PRAISE   OF   FOLLY. 

drunkenness,  one  of  Bacchus' s  offspring,  the  other  igno- 
rance, the  daughter  of  Pan  ;  both  which  you  may  here 
behold  among  several  others  of  my  train  and  attendants, 
whose  particular  names,  if  you  would  feign  know,  I  will 
give  you  in  short.  This,  who  goes  with  a  mincing  gait, 
and  holds  up  her  head  so  high,  is  Self-L/ove.  She  that 
looks  so  spruce,  and  makes  such  a  noise  and  bustle,  is 
Flattery.  That  other,  which  sits  hum-drum,  as  if  she 
were  half  asleep,  is  called  Forgetfulness.  She  that  leans 
on  her  elbow,  and  sometimes  yawningly  stretches  out 
her  arms,  is  Laziness.  This,  that  wears  a  plaited  gar- 
land of  flowers,  and  smells  so  perfumed,  is  Pleasure. 
The  other,  which  appears  in  so  smooth  a  skin,  and 
pampered-up  flesh,  is  Sensuality.  She  that  stares  so 
wildly,  and  rolls  about  her  eyes,  is  Madness.  As  to 
those  two  gods  whom  you  see  playing  among  the  lasses, 
the  name  of  the  one  is  Intemperance,  the  other  Sound 
Sleep.  By  the  help  and  service  of  this  retinue  I  bring 
all  things  under  the  verge  of  my  power,  lording  it  over 
the  greatest  kings  and  potentates. 

You  have  now  heard  of  my  descent,  my  education, 
and  my  attendance;  that  I  may  not  be  taxed  as  pre- 
sumptuous in  borrowing  the  title  of  a  goddess,  I  come 
now  in  the  next  place  to  acquaint  you  what  obliging 
favors  I  everywhere  bestow,  and  how  largely  my  juris- 
diction extends  :  for  if,  as  one  has  ingenuously  noted,  to 
be  a  god  is  no  other  than  to  be  a  benefactor  to  mankind  ; 
and  they  have  been  thought  deservedly  deified  who  have 
invented  the  use  of  wine,  corn,  or  any  other  convenience 
for  the  well-being  of  mortals,  why  may  not  I  justly  bear 
the  van  among  the  whole  troop  of  gods,  who  in  all,  and 


The  Birth  of  Folly. 


King  Solomon. 


THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY.  51 

toward  all,  exert  an  unparalleled  bounty  and  benefi- 
cence ? 

For  instance,  in  the  first  place,  what  can  be  more  dear 
and  precious  than  life  itself?  and  yet  for  this  are  none 
beholden,  save  to  me  alone. 

For  it  is  neither  the  spear  of  thoroughly-begotten 
Pallas,  nor  the  buckler  of  cloud-gathering  Jove,  that 
rrmltiplies  and  propagates  mankind,  but  that  prime 
father  of  the  universe,  who  at  a  displeasing  nod  makes 
heaven  itself  to  tremble,  he  (I  say)  must  lay  aside 
his  frightful  ensigns  of  majesty,  and  put  away  that 
grim  aspect  wherewith  he  makes  the  other  gods  to 
quake,  and,  stage  player-like,  must  lay  aside  his  usual 
character,  if  he  would  do  that,  the  doing  whereof 
he  cannot  refrain  from,  i.e.,  getting  of  children.  The 
next  place  to  the  gods  is  challenged  by  the  Stoics  ;  but 
give  me  one  as  stoical  as  ill-nature  can  make  him,  and 
if  I  do  not  prevail  on  him  to  part  with  his  beard,  that 
bush  of  wisdom,  (though  no  other  ornament  than  what 
nature  in  more  ample  manner  has  given  to  goats,)  yet 
at  least  he  shall  lay  by  his  gravity,  smooth  up  his  brow, 
relinquish  his  rigid  tenets,  and  in  despite  of  prejudice 
become  sensible  of  some  passion  in  wanton  sport  and 
dallying. 

In  a  word,  this  dictator  of  wisdom  shall  be  glad 
to  take  Folly  for  his  diversion,  if  ever  he  would 
arrive  to  the  honor  of  a  father. 

Add  to  this,  what  man  would  be  so  silly  as  to  run 
his  head  into  the  collar  of  a  matrimonial  noose,  if 
(as  wise  men  are  wont  to  do)  he  had  before-hand 
duly  considered  the  inconveniences  of  a  wedded  life? 


52  THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY. 

Or  indeed  what  woman  would  open  her  arms  to 
receive  the  embraces  of  a  husband,  if  she  did  but  fore- 
cast the  pangs  of  child-birth,  and  the  plague  of  being  a 
nurse  ? 

Since,  then,  you  owe  your  birth  to  the  bride-bed, 
and  (what  was  preparatory  to  that)  the  solemnizing 
of  marriage  to  my  waiting  woman  Madness,  you  can- 
not but  acknowledge  how  much  you  are  indebted 
to  me. 

Beside,  those  who  had  once  dearly  bought  the  experi- 
ence of  their  folly,  would  never  re-engage  themselves  in 
the  same  entanglement  by  a  second  match,  if  it  were 
not  occasioned  by  the  forgetfulness  of  past  dangers. 
And  Venus  herself  (whatever  Lucretius  pretends  to  the 
contrary),  cannot  deny,  but  that  without  my  assistance, 
her  procreative  power  would  prove  weak  and  in- 
effectual. 

It  was  from  my  sportive  and  tickling  recreation  that 
proceeded  the  old  crabbed  philosophers,  and  those  who 
now  supply  their  stead,  the  mortified  monks  and  friars  ; 
as  also  kings,  priests,  and  popes,  nay,  the  whole  tribe 
of  poetic  gods,  who  are  at  last  grown  so  numerous, 
as  in  the  camp  of  heaven  (though  ne'er  so  spacious), 
to  jostle  for  elbow  room. 

But  it  is  not  sufficient  to  make  it  appear  that  I  am  the 
source  and  origin  of  all  life,  except  that  I  likewise  show 
that  all  the  benefits  of  life  are  equally  at  my  disposal. 
And  what  are  they  ? 

Why,  can  any  one  be  said  properly  to  live  to  whom 
pleasure  is  denied  ? 

You  will  give  me  your  assent ;  for  there  is  none  I 


The  Matrimonial  Noose. 


THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY.  55 

know  among  you  so  wise  shall  I  say,  or  so  silly,  as  to 
be  of  a  contrary  opinion. 

The  Stoics  indeed  contemn,  and  pretend  to  banish  pleas- 
ure ;  but  this  is  only  a  dissembling  trick,  and  a  putting 
the  vulgar  out  of  conceit  with  it,  that  they  may  more 
quietly  engross  it  to  themselves  :  but  I  dare  them  now 
to  confess  what  one  stage  of  life  is  not  melancholy,  dull, 
tiresome,  tedious,  and  uneasy,  unless  we  spice  it  with 
pleasure,  that  haut-gout  of  Folly.  Of  the  truth  whereof 
the  never  enough  to  be  commended  Sophocles  is  suffi- 
cient authority,  who  gives  me  the  highest  character  in 
that  sentence  of  his, 

To  know  nothing  is  the  sweetest  life. 

Yet  abating  from  this,  let  us  examine  the  case  more 
narrowly.  Who  knows  not  that  the  first  scene  of  infancy 
is  far  the  most  pleasant  and  delightsome  ?  What  then  is 
it  in  children  that  makes  us  so  kiss,  hug,  and  play  with 
them,  and  that  the  bloodiest  enemy  can  scarce  have  the 
heart  to  hurt  them ;  but  their  innocence  and  Folly,  of 
which  nature  out  of  providence  did  purposely  compound 
and  blend  their  tender  infancy,  that  by  a  frank  return 
of  pleasure  they  might  make  some  sort  of  amends  for 
their  parents'  trouble,  and  give  in  caution  as  it  were  for 
the  discharge  of  a  future  education  ;  the  next  advance 
from  childhood  is  youth,  and  how  favorably  is  this  dealt 
with  ;  how  kind,  courteous,  and  respectful  are  all  to  it  ? 
and  how  ready  to  become  serviceable  upon  all  occasions  ? 
And  whence  reaps  it  this  happiness  ?  Whence  indeed, 
but  from  me  only,  by  whose  procurement  it  is  furnished 
with  little  of  wisdom,  and  so  with  the  less  of  disquiet  ? 
And  when  once  lads  begin  to  grow  up,  and  attempt  to 


56  THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY. 

write  man,  their  prettiness  does  then  soon  decay,  their 
briskness  flags,  their  humors  stagnate,  their  jollity 
ceases,  and  their  blood  grows  cold  ;  and  the  farther  they 
proceed  in  years,  the  more  they  grow  backward  in  the 
enjoyment  of  themselves,  till  waspish  old  age  comes  on, 
a  burden  to  itself  as  well  as  others,  and  that  so  heavy 
and  oppressive,  as  none  would  bear  the  weight  of,  unless 
out  of  pity  to  their  sufferings.  I  again  intervene,  and 
lend  a  helping-hand,  assisting  them  at  a  dead  lift,  in  the 
same  method  the  poets  feign  their  gods  to  succor  dying 
men,  by  transforming  them  into  new  creatures,  which  I 
do  by  bringing  them  back,  after  they  have  one  foot  in 
the  grave,  to  their  infancy  again  ;  so  as  there  is  a  great 
deal  of  truth  couched  in  that  old  proverb,  Once  an  old 
man  and  twice  a  child. 

Now  if  any  one  be  curious  to  understand  what  course 
I  take  to  effect  this  alteration,  my  method  is  this  :  I 
bring  them  to  my  well  of  forgetfulness,  (the  fountain 
whereof  is  in  the  Fortunate  Islands,  and  the  river  Teethe 
in  hell  but  a  small  stream  of  it),  and  when  they  have 
there  filled  their  bellies  full,  and  washed  down  care,  by 
the  virtue  and  operation  whereof  they  become  young 
again.  Ay,  but  (say  you)  they  merely  dote,  and  play 
the  fool  :  why  yes,  this  is  what  I  mean  by  growing 
young  again  :  for  what  else  is  it  to  be  a  child  than  to  be 
a  fool  and  an  idiot  ?  It  is  the  being  such  that  makes 
that  age  so  acceptable  :  for  who  does  not  esteem  it  some- 
what ominous  to  see  a  boy  endowed  with  the  discretion 
of  a  man,  and  therefore  for  the  curbing  of  too  forward 
parts  we  have  a  disparaging  proverb,  Soon  ripe,  soon 
rotten  ?  And  farther,  who  would  keep  company  or  have 


The  Schoolmaster, 


THE   PRAISE  OK  FOLLY.  59 

any  thing  to  do  with  such  an  old  blade,  as,  after  the 
wear  and  harrowing  of  so  many  years  should  yet  con- 
tinue of  as  clear  a  head  and  sound  a  judgment  as  he  had 
at  any  time  been  in  his  middle-age  ;  and  therefore  it  is 
great  kindness  of  me  that  old  men  grow  fools,  since  it  is 
hereby  only  that  they  are  freed  from  such  vexations  as 
would  torment  them  if  they  were  more  wise  :  they  can 
drink  briskly,  bear  up  stoutly,  and  lightly  pass  over 
such  infirmities,  as  a  far  stronger  constitution  could 
scarce  master.  Sometimes,  with  the  old  fellow  in  Plautus, 
they  are  brought  back  to  their  horn-book  again,  to  learn 
to  spell  their  fortune  in  love.  Most  wretched  would 
they  needs  be  if  they  had  but  wit  enough  to  be  sensible 
of  their  hard  condition  ;  but  by  my  assistance,  they  car- 
ry off  all  well,  and  to  their  respective  friends  approve 
themselves  good,  sociable,  jolly  companions.  Thus 
Homer  makes  aged  Nestor  famed  for  a  smooth  oily- 
tongued  orator,  while  the  deliver}'  of  Achilles  was  but 
rough,  harsh,  and  hesitant;  and  the  same  poet  elsewhere 
tells  us  of  old  men  that  sate  on  the  walls,  and  spake 
with  a  great  deal  of  flourish  and  elegance.  And  in  this 
point  indeed  they  surpass  and  outgo  children,  who  are 
pretty  forward  in  a  softly,  innocent  prattle,  but  other- 
wise are  too  much  tongue-tied,  and  want  the  other's  most 
acceptable  embellishment  of  a  perpetual  talkativeness. 
Add  to  this,  that  old  men  love  to  be  playing  with 
children,  and  children  delight  as  much  in  them,  to  verify 
the  proverb,  that  Birds  of  a  feather  flock  together.  And 
indeed  what  difference  can  be  discerned  between  them, 
but  that  the  one  is  more  furrowed  with  wrinkles,  and  has 
seen  a  little  more  of  the  world  than  the  other?  For 


60  THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY. 

otherwise  their  whitish  hair,  their  want  of  teeth,  their 
smallness  of  stature,  their  milk  diet,  their  bald  crowns, 
their  prattling,  their  playing,  their  short  memory,  their 
heedlessness,  and  all  their  other  endowments,  exactly 
agree  ;  and  the  more  they  advance  in  years,  the  nearer 
they  come  back  to  their  cradle,  till  like  children  indeed, 
at  last  they  depart  the  world,  without  any  remorse  at  the 
loss  of  life,  or  sense  of  the  pangs  of  death. 

And  now  let  any  one  compare  the  excellency  of  my 
metamorphosing  power  to  that  which  Ovid  attributes  to 
the  gods  ;  their  strange  feats  in  some  drunken  passions 
we  will  omit  for  their  credit  sake,  and  instance  only  in 
such  persons  as  they  pretend  great  kindness  for  ;  these 
they  transformed  into  trees,  birds,  insects,  and  some- 
times serpents  ;  but  alas,  their  very  change  into  some- 
what else  argues  the  destruction  of  what  they  were 
before  ;  whereas  I  can  restore  the  same  numerical  man 
to  his  pristine  state  of  youth,  health  and  strength  ;  yea, 
what  is  more,  if  men  would  but  so  far  consult  their  own 
interest,  as  to  discard  all  thoughts  of  wisdom,  and  en- 
tirely resign  themselves  to  my  guidance  and  conduct, 
old  age  should  be  a  paradox,  and  each  man's  years  a  per- 
petual spring.  For  look  how  your  hard  plodding 
students,  by  a  close  sedentary  confinement  to  their 
books,  grow  mopish,  pale,  and  meagre,  as  if  by  a  con- 
tinual wrack  of  brains,  and  torture  of  invention,  their 
veins  were  pumped  dry,  and  their  whole  body  squeezed 
sapless  ;  whereas  my  followers  are  smooth,  plump,  and 
bucksome,  and  altogether  as  lusty  as  so  many  bacon- 
hogs,  or  sucking  calves  ;  never  in  their  career  of  pleasure 
to  be  arrested  with  old  age,  if  they  could  but  keep  them' 


Suspicion. 


Momos  Thrust  out  of  Heaven. 


Scribes  and  Pharisees. 


THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY.  65 

selves  untainted  from  the  contagiousness  of  wisdom, 
with  the  leprosy  whereof,  if  at  any  time  they  are  in- 
fected, it  is  only  for  prevention,  lest  they  should  otherwise 
have  been  too  happy. 

For  a  more  ample  confirmation  of  the  truth  of  what 
foregoes,  it  is  on  all  sides  confessed,  that  Folly  is  the 
best  preservative  of  youth,  and  the  most  effectual  anti- 
dote against  age,  and  it  is  a  never-failing  observation 
made  of  the  people  of  Brabant,  that,  contrary  to  the 
proverb  of  Older  and  wiser,  the  more  ancient  they 
grow,  the  more  foolish  they  are  ;  and  there  is  not  any 
one  country,  whose  inhabitants  enjoy  themselves  better, 
and  rub  through  the  world  with  more  ease  and  quiet. 
To  these  are  nearly  related,  as  well  by  affinity  of  customs 
as  of  neighborhood,  my  friends,  the  Hollanders.  Mine,  I 
may  well  call  them,  for  they  stick  so  close  and  lovingly 
to  me,  that  they  are  styled  fools  to  a  pro  verb,  and  yet  scorn 
to  be  ashamed  of  their  name.  Well,  let  fond  mortals  go 
now  in  a  needless  quest  of  some  enchanted  fountain,  for 
a  restorative  of  age,  whereas  the  accurate  performance  of 
this  feat  lies  only  within  the  ability  of  my  art  and  skill. 

It  is  I  only  who  have  the  receipt  of  making  that  liquor 
wherewith  Memnon's  daughter  lengthened  out  her 
grandfather's  declining  days.  It  is  I  that  am  that  Venus, 
who  so  far  restored  the  languishing  Phaon,  as  to  make 
Sappho  fall  deeply  in  love  with  his  beauty.  Mine  are 
those  herbs,  mine  those  charms,  that  not  only  lure  back 
swift  time,  when  past  and  gone,  but  what  is  more  to  be 
admired,  clip  its  wings,  and  prevent  all  further  flight. 
So  then,  if  you  will  all  agree  to  my  verdict,  that  nothing 
is  more  desirable  than  the  being  young,  nor  anything 


66  THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY. 

more  dreaded  than  unavoidable  old  age,  you  must  needs 
acknowledge  it  as  an  indisputable  obligation  from  me, 
for  fencing  off  the  one,  and  perpetuating  the  other. 

But  why  should  I  confine  my  discourse  to  the  nar- 
row subject  of  mankind  only  ?  View  the  whole  mytho- 
logical heaven  itself,  and  then  tell  me  which  one  of  that 
divine  tribe  would  not  be  mean  and  dispicable,  if  my 
name  did  not  lend  him  some  respect  and  authority. 
Why  is  Bacchus  always  painted  as  a  young  man,  but 
only  because  he  is  freakish,  drunk,  and  mad  ;  and  spend- 
ing his  time  in  toping,  dancing,  masking,  and  reveling, 
seems  to  have  nothing  in  the  least  to  do  with  wisdom? 
Nay,  so  far  is  he  from  the  affectation  of  being  accounted 
wise,  that  he  is  content  that  all  the  rights  of  devotion 
which  are  paid  unto  him  should  consist  of  apishness  and 
drollery.  Farther,  what  scoffs  and  jeers  did  the  old  co- 
medians throw  upon  him?  O  swinish  god,  say  they, 
that  smells  of  the  sty  he  was  reared  in,  and  so  on.  But 
prithee,  who  in  this  case,  always  merry,  youthful,  soaked 
in  wine  and  drowned  in  pleasure,  who,  I  say,  in  such  a 
case,  would  change  conditions,  either  with  the  lofty 
menace-looking  Jove,  the  grave,  yet  timorous  Pan,  the 
stately  Pallas,  or  indeed  any  other  one  of  heaven's  land- 
lords ?  Why  is  Cupid  feigned  as  a  boy,  but  only  because 
he  is  an  under-witted  whipster,  that  neither  acts  nor 
thinks  any  thing  with  discretion  ?  Why  is  Venus  adored 
for  the  mirror  of  beauty,  but  only  because  she  and  I 
claim  kindred,  she  being  of  the  same  complexion  with 
my  father  Plutus,  and  therefore  called  by  Homer  the 
Golden  Goddess?  Beside,  she  imitates  me  in  being 
always  a  laughing,  if  either  we  believe  the  poets,  or  their 


THE   PRAISE  OF   FOLLY.  69 

near  kinsman  the  painters, — the  first  mentioning,  the 
other  drawing  her  constantly  in  that  posture.  Add 
farther — to  what  deity  did  the  Romans  pay  a  more  cere- 
monial respect  than  to  Flora,  that  bawd  of  obscenity  ? 
And  if  any  one  search  the  poets  for  an  historical  account 
of  the  gods,  he  shall  find  them  all  famous  for  lewd 
pranks  and  debaucheries.  It  is  needless  to  insist  upon 
the  miscarriages  of  others,  when  the  lecherous  intrigues 
of  Jove  himself  are  so  notorious,  and  when  the  pretend- 
edly  chaste  Diana  so  oft  uncloaked  her  modesty  to  run 
a  hunting  after  her  beloved  Endimion.  But  I  will  say 
no  more,  for  I  had  rather  they  should  be  told  of  their 
faults  by  Momus,  who  was  want  formerly  to  sting  them 
with  some  close  reflections,  till  nettled  by  his  abusive 
raillery,  they  kicked  him  out  of  heaven  for  his  sauciness 
of  daring  to  reprove  such  as  were  beyond  correction ;  and 
now  in  his  banishment  from  heaven  he  finds  but  cold 
entertainment  here  on  earth,  nay,  is  denied  all  admit- 
tance into  the  court  of  princes,  where  notwithstanding 
my  handmaid  Flattery  finds  a  most  encouraging  wel- 
come :  but  this  petulent  monitor  being  thrust  out  of 
doors,  the  gods  can  now  more  freely  rant  and  revel,  and 
take  their  whole  swing  of  pleasure.  Now  the  beastly 
Priappus  may  recreate  himself  without  contradiction  in 
lust  and  filthiness  ;  now  the  sly  Mercury  may,  without 
discovery,  go  on  in  his  thieveries,  and  nimble-fingered 
juggles  ;  the  sooty  Vulcan  may  now  renew  his  wonted 
custom  of  making  the  other  gods  laugh  by  his  hopping 
so  limpingly,  and  coming  off  with  so  many  dry  jokes 
and  biting  repartees.  Silenus,  the  old  doting  lover,  to 
show  his  activity,  may  now  dance  a  frisking  jig,  and  the 


70  THE  PRAISE  OF   FOLLY. 

nymphs  be  at  the  same  sport  quite  naked.  The  goatish 
satyrs  may  make  up  a  merry  ball,  and  Pan,  the  blind 
harper,  may  put  up  his  bagpipes  and  sing  bawdy  catches, 
to  which  the  gods,  especially  when  they  are  almost 
drunk,  shall  give  a  most  profound  attention.  But  why 
should  I  any  farther  rip  open  and  expose  the  weakness 
of  the  gods,  a  weakness  so  childish  and  absurd,  that  no 
man  can  at  the  same  time  keep  his  countenance  and 
make  a  relation  of  it?  Now  therefore,  like  Homer's 
wandering  muse,  I  will  take  my  leave  of  heaven,  and 
come  down  again  here  below,  where  we  shall  find  noth- 
ing happy,  nay,  nothing  tolerable,  without  my  presence 
and  assistance.  And  in  the  first  place  consider  how 
providently  nature  has  taken  care  that  in  all  her  works 
there  should  be  some  piquant  smack  and  relish  of  Foil}- : 
for  since  the  Stoics  define  wisdom  to  be  conducted  by 
reason,  and  folly  nothing  else  but  the  being  hurried  by 
passion,  lest  our  life  should  otherwise  have  been  too  dull 
and  inactive,  that  creator,  who  out  of  clay  first  tempered 
and  made  us  up,  put  into  the  composition  of  our  human- 
ity more  than  a  pound  of  passions  to  an  ounce  of  reason; 
and  reason  he  confined  within  the  narrow  cells  of 
the  brain,  whereas  he  left  passions  the  whole  body  to 
range  in. 

Farther,  he  set  up  two  sturdy  champions  to  stand 
perpetually  on  guard,  that  reason  might  make  no  assault, 
surprise,  nor  inroad  ; — anger,  which  keeps  its  station  in 
the  fortress  of  the  heart  ;  and  lust,  which  like  the  signs 
Virgo  and  Scorpio,  rules  the  appetites  and  passions. 

Against  the  forces  of  these  two  warriors  how  unable  is 
reason  to  bear  up  and  withstand,  every  day's  experience 


THE  PRAISE  OP  FOLLY.  73 

doth  abundantly  witness  ;  while  let  reason  be  never  so 
importunate  in  urging  and  reinforcing  her  admonitions 
to  virtue,  yet  the  passions  bear  all  before  them,  and  by 
the  least  offer  of  curb  or  restraint  grow  but  more  impe- 
ri6us,  till  reason  itself,  for  quietness  sake,  is  forced  to 
desist  from  all  further  remonstrance. 

But  because  it  seemed  expedient  that  man,  who  was 
born  for  the  transaction  of  business,  should  have  so  much 
wisdom  as  should  fit  and  capacitate  him  for  the  discharge 
of  his  duty  herein,  and  yet  lest  such  a  measure  as  is 
requisite  for  this  purpose  might  prove  too  dangerous  and 
fatal,  I  was  advised  with  for  an  antidote,  who  prescribed 
this  infallible  receipt  of  taking  a  wife,  a  creature  so  harm- 
less and  silly,  and  yet  so  useful  and  convenient,  as  might 
mollify  and  make  pliable  the  stiffness  and  morose  humor 
of  man.  Now  that  which  made  Plato  doubt  under  what 
genus  to  rank  woman,  whether  among  brutes  or  rational 
creatures,  was  only  meant  to  denote  the  extreme  stupid- 
ness  and  Folly  of  that  sex,  a  sex  so  unalterably  simple, 
that  for  any  of  them  to  thrust  forward,  and  reach  at  the 
name  of  wise,  is  but  to  make  themselves  the  more  re- 
markable fools,  such  an  endeavor,  being  but  a  swimming 
against  the  stream,  nay,  the  turning  the  course  of  nature, 
the  bare  attempting  whereof  is  as  extravagant  as  the 
effecting  of  it  is  impossible  :  for  as  it  is  a  trite  proverb, 
That  an  ape  will  be  an  ape,  though  clad  in  purple  :  so  a 
woman  will  be  a  woman,  i.  e. ,  a  fool,  whatever  disguise 
she  takes  up.  And  yet  there  is  no  reason  woman  should 
take  it  amiss  to  be  thus  charged  ;  for  if  they  do  but 
rightly  consider,  they  will  find  it  is  to  Folly  they  are 
beholden  for  those  endowments  wherein  they  so  far  sur- 


74  THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY. 

pass  and  excel  man;  as  first,  for  their  unparalleled  beauty, 
by  the  charm  whereof  they  tyrannize  over  the  greatest 
tyrants  ;  for  what  is  it  but  too  great  a  portion  of  wisdom 
that  makes  men  so  tawny  and  thick-skinned,  so  rough 
and  prickly-bearded,  like  an  emblem  of  winter  or  old 
age,  while  women  have  such  dainty  smooth  cheeks,  such 
a  low,  gentle  voice,  and  so  pure  a  complexion,  as  if 
nature  had  drawn  them  for  a  standing  pattern  of  all  sym- 
metry and  comeliness?  Beside,  what  greater  or  juster 
aim  and  ambition  have  they  than  to  please  their  hus- 
bands? In  order  whereunto  they  garnish  themselves 
with  paint,  washes,  curls,  perfumes,  and  all  other  mys- 
teries of  ornament ;  yet  after  all  they  become  acceptable 
to  them  only  for  their  Folly.  Wives  are  always  allowed 
their  humor,  yet  it  is  only  in  exchange  for  titillation  and 
pleasure,  which  indeed  are  but  other  names  for  Folly, 
as  none  can  deny,  who  consider  how  a  man  must  hug, 
and  dandle,  and  caress,  and  play  a  hundred  little  tricks 
to  please,  interest  and  amuse  his  mistress. 

But  now  some  blood-chilled  old  men,  that  are  more 
for  wine  than  wenching,  will  pretend,  that  in  their 
opinion  the  greatest  happiness  consists  in  feasting  and 
drinking.  Grant  it  be  so  ;  yet  certainly  in  the  most 
luxurious  entertainments  it  is  Folly  must  give  the  sauce 
and  relish  to  the  daintiest  cates  and  delicacies  ;  so  that 
if  there  be  not  one  of  the  guests  naturally  fool  enough  to 
be  played  upon  by  the  rest,  they  must  procure  some 
comical  buffoon,  that  by  his  jokes,  and  flouts,  and  blun- 
ders, shall  make  the  whole  company  split  themselves  with 
laughing  :  for  to  what  purpose  were  it  to  be  stuffed  and 
crammed  with  so  many  dainty  bits,  savory  dishes,  and 


Youth  and  Old  Age — the  Matrimonial  Chain. 


The  Logician. 


THE   PRAISE   OP  FOLLY.  79 

toothsome  rarities,  if  after  all  this  epicurism  of  the  belly, 
the  eyes,  the  ears  and  the  whole  mind  of  man,  were  not 
as  well  fostered  and  relieved  with  laughing,  jesting,  and 
such  like  divertisements,  which  like  second  courses 
serve  for  the  promoting  of  digestion?  And  as  to  all 
those  shooing  horns  of  drunkenness,  the  keeping  every 
one  his  man,  the  throwing  hey -jinks,  the  filling  of  bum- 
pers, the  drinking  two  in  a  hand,  the  beginning  of 
mistress'  healths  ;  and  then  the  roaring  out  of  drunken 
catches,  the  calling  in  a  fiddler,  the  leading  out  every 
one  his  lady  to  dance,  and  such  like  riotous  pastimes, 
these  were  not  taught  or  dictated  by  any  of  the  wise  men 
of  Greece,  but  of  Gotham  rather,  being  my  invention, 
and  by  me  prescribed  as  the  best  preservative  of  health : 
each  of  which,  the  more  ridiculous  it  is,  the  more  wel- 
come it  finds.  And  indeed,  to  jog  sleepingly  through 
the  world,  in  a  dumpish  melancholy  posture,  cannot 
properly  be  said  to  live,  but  to  be  wound  up  as  it  were 
in  a  winding-sheet  before  we  are  dead,  and  so  to  be 
shuffled  quick  into  a  grave,  and  buried  alive. 

But  there  are  yet  others  perhaps  that  have  no  gust  in 
this  sort  of  pleasure,  but  place  their  greatest  content  in 
the  enjoyment  of  friends,  telling  us  that  true  friendship 
is  to  be  preferred  before  all  other  acquirements;  that  it  is 
a  thing  so  useful  and  necessary,  as  the  very  elements, 
which  could  not  long  subsist  without  a  natural  combina- 
tion ;  so  pleasant  that  it  affords  as  warm  an  influence  as 
the  sun  itself ;  so  honest  (if  honesty  in  this  case  deserve 
any  consideration),  that  the  very  philosophers  have  not 
hesitated  to  place  this  as  one  among  the  rest  of  their 
different  sentiments  of  the  chiefest  good.  But  what  if  I 


80  THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY. 

make  it  appear  that  I  also  am  the  main  spring  and  orig- 
inal of  this  endearment  ?  Yes,  I  can  easily  demonstrate 
it,  and  that  not  by  crabbed  syllogisms,  or  a  crooked  and 
unintelligible  way  of  arguing,  but  can  make  it  (as  the 
proverb  %QZ.S)  As  plain  as  the  nose  on  your  face.  Well 
then,  to  scratch  and  curry  one  another,  to  wink  at  a 
friend's  faults  ;  nay,  to  cry  up  some  failings  as  virtuous 
and  commendable,  is  not  this  the  next  door  to  the  being 
a  fool?  When  one  looking  steadfastly  in  his  mistress's 
face,  admires  a  mole  as  much  as  a  beauty  spot  ;  when 
another  swears  his  lady's  stinking  breath  is  a  most  redo- 
lent perfume  ;  and  at  another  time  the  fond  parent  hugs 
the  squint-eyed  child,  and  pretends  it  is  rather  a  becom- 
ing glance  and  winning  aspect  than  any  blemish  of  the 
eye-sight, —what  is  all  this  but  the  very  height  of  Folly? 
Folly,  I  say,  that  both  makes  friends  and  keeps  them  so. 

I  speak  of  mortal  men  only,  among  whom  there  are 
none  but  have  some  small  faults  ;  he  is  most  happy  that 
has  fewest.  If  we  pass  to  the  gods,  we  shall  find  that 
they  have  so  much  of  wisdom,  that  they  have  very  little 
of  friendship  ;  nay,  nothing  of  that  which  is  true  and 
hearty. 

The  reason  why  men  make  a  greater  improvement  in 
this  virtue,  is  only  because  they  are  more  credulous  and 
easy  natured  ;  for  friends  must  be  of  the  same  humor 
and  inclinations  too,  or  else  the  league  of  amity,  though 
made  with  never  so  many  protestations,  will  soon  be 
broken.  Thus  grave  and  morose  men  seldom  prove  fast 
friends  ;  they  are  too  captious  and  consorious,  and  will 
not  bear  with  one  another's  infirmities  ;  they  are  as 
eagle-sighted  as  may  be  in  the  espial  of  others'  faults, 


The  Plague  of  being  a  Nurse. 


THE  PRAISE  OF  .FOLLY.  83 

while  they  wink  upon  themselves,  and  never  mind  the 
beam  in  their  own  eyes.  In  short,  man  being  by  nature 
so  prone  to  frailties,  so  humorsome  and  cross-grained, 
and  guilty  of  so  many  slips  and  miscarriages,  there  could 
be  no  firm  friendship  contracted,  except  there  be  such 
an  allowance  made  for  each  other's  defaults  which  the 
Greeks  term  'Evrfleia,  and  which  we  may  construe  good  na- 
ture, which  is  but  another  word  for  Folly.  And  what  ?  Is 
not  Cupid,  that  first  father  of  all  relation,  is  not  he  stark 
blind,  and  that  as  he  cannot  himself  distinguish  between 
colors,  so  he  would  make  us  as  mope-eyed  in  judging 
falsely  of  all  love  concerns,  and  wheedle  us  into  thinking 
that  we  are  always  in  the  right  ?  Thus  every  Jack  sticks 
to  his  own  Jill ;  every  tinker  esteems  his  own  trull ;  and 
the  hob-nailed  suitor  prefers  Joan,  the  milk-maid,  before 
any  of  my  lady's  daughters.  These  things  are  true,  and 
are  ordinarily  laughed  at,  and  yet,  however  ridiculous 
they  seem,  it  is  hence  only  that  all  societies  receive  their 
cement  and  consolidation. 

The  same  which  has  been  said  of  friendship  is  much 
more  applicable  to  a  state  of  marriage,  which  is  but  the 
highest  advance  and  improvement  of  friendship  in  the 
closest  bond  of  union.  Good  God !  What  frequent 
divorces  or  worse  mischief  would  oft  sadly  happen, 
were  it  not  that  man  and  wife  were  so  discreet  as  to  pass 
over  light  occasions  of  quarrel  with  laughing,  jesting, 
dissembling,  and  such  like  playing  the  fool  ?  Nay,  how 
few  matches  would  go  forward,  if  the  hasty  lover  did  but 
first  know  how  many  little  tricks  of  lust  and  wantonness 
(and  perhaps  more  gross  failings)  his  coy  and  seemingly 
bashful  mistress  had  oft  been  guilty  of?  And  how  few 


84  THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY. 

marriages,  when  consummated,  would  continue  happy, 
if  the  husband  were  not  either  sottishly  insensible  of,  or 
did  not  purposely  wink  at  and  pass  over  the  lightness 
and  forwardness  of  his  good-natured  wife  ?  This  peace 
and  quietness  is  owing  to  my  management,  for  there 
would  otherwise  be  continual  jars,  and  broils,  and  mad 
doings,  if  want  of  wit  only  did  not  at  the  same  time 
make  a  contented  cuckold  and  a  still  house.  If  the 
cuckoo  sings  at  the  back  door,  the  unthinking  cornute 
takes  no  notice  of  the  unlucky  omen,  of  others'  eggs 
being  laid  in  his  own  nest,  but  laughs  it  over,  kisses  his 
dear  spouse,  and  all  is  well. 

And  indeed,  it  is  much  better  patiently  to  be  such  a  hen- 
pecked frigot,  than  always  to  be  wracked  and  tortiired 
with  the  grating  surmises  of  suspicion  and  jealousy.  In 
fine,  there  is  not  one  society,  nor  one  relation  men  stand 
in,  that  would  be  comfortable,  or  indeed  tolerable,  with- 
out my  assistance.  There  could  be  no  right  understand- 
ing betwixt  prince  and  people,  master  and  servant,  tutor 
and  pupil,  friend  and  friend,  man  and  wife,  buyer  and 
seller,  or  any  persons  however  otherwise  related,  if  they 
did  not  cowardly  put  up  with  small  abuses,  sneakingly 
cringe  and  submit,  or  after  all  fawningly  caress  and  flat- 
ter each  other. 

This  you  will  say  is  much,  but  you  shall  yet  hear 
what  is  more  :  tell  me  then,  can  any  one  love  another 
that  first  hates  himself?  Is  it  likely  any  one  should 
agree  with  a  friend  that  has  first  fallen  out  with  his  own 
judgment?  Or  is  it  probable  he  should  be  any  way 
pleasing  to  another,  who  is  a  perpetual  plague  and 
trouble  to  himself?  This  is  such  a  paradox  that  none 


THE  PRAISE  OF   FOLLY.  85 

can  be  so  mad  as  to  maintain.  Well,  but  if  I  am  ex- 
cluded and  barred  out,  every  man  would  be  so  far  from 
being  able  to  bear  with  others,  that  he  would  be  bur- 
thensome  to  himself,  and  consequently  incapable  of  any 
ease  or  satisfaction.  Nature,  that  toward  some  of  her 
products  plays  the  step-mother  rather  than  the  indulgent 
parent,  has  endowed  some  men  with  that  unhappy  pee- 
vishness of  disposition,  as  to  nauseate  and  dislike  what- 
ever is  their  own,  and  much  admire  what  belongs  to 
other  persons,  so  as  they  cannot  in  any  wise  enjoy  what 
their  birth  or  fortunes  have  bestowed  upon  them  :  for 
what  grace  is  there  in  the  greatest  beauty,  if  it  be  always 
clouded  with  frowns  and  sullenness  ?  or  what  vigor  in 
youth,  if  it  be  harassed  with  a  pettish,  dogged,  waspish, 
ill  humor  ?  None,  whatever.  Nor,  indeed,  can  there  be 
any  creditable  acquirement  of  ourselves  in  any  one 
station  of  life,  but  we  should  sink  without  rescue  into 
misery  and  despair,  if  we  were  not  buoyed  up  and  sup- 
ported by  self-love,  which  is  but  the  elder  sister  (as  it 
were)  of  Folly,  and  her  own  constant  friend  and  assistant. 
For  what  is  or  can  be  more  silly  than  to  be  lovers  and 
admirers  of  ourselves  ?  And  yet,  if  it  were  not  so,  there 
would  be  no  relish  to  any  of  our  words  or  actions.  Take 
away  this  one  attribute  of  a  fool,  and  the  orator  shall 
become  as  dumb  aud  silent  as  the  rostrum  he  stands  on  ; 
the  musician  shall  hang  up  his  untouched  instruments 
on  the  wall ;  the  greatest  actors  shall  be  hissed  off  the 
stage;  the  poet  shall  be  burlesqued  with  his  own  doggerel 
rhymes  ;  the  painter  shall  himself  vanish  into  an  imag- 
inary landscape  ;  and  the  physician  shall  want  food  more 
than  his  patients  do  physic.  In  short,  without  self-love, 


86  THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY. 

instead  of  beautiful,  you  shall  think  yourself  an  old  bel- 
dam of  fourscore  ;  instead  of  youthful,  you  shall  seem 
just  dropping  into  the  grave  ;  instead  of  eloquent,  a  mere 
stammerer  ;  and  in  lieu  of  being  gentle  and  complaisant, 
you  shall  appear  like  a  downright  country  clown  ;  it 
being  so  necessary  that  every  one  should  think  well  of 
themselves  before  they  can  expect  the  good  opinion  of 
others. 

Finally,  when  it  is  the  main  and  essential  part  of  hap- 
piness to  desire  to  be  no  other  than  what  we  already  are, 
this  expedient  is  again  wholly  owing  to  self-love,  which 
so  flushes  men  with  a  good  conceit  of  their  own,  that  no 
one  repents  of  his  shape,  of  his  wit,  of  his  education,  or 
of  his  country  ;  thus  the  dirty,  half  drowned  Hollander 
would  not  remove  into  the  pleasant  plains  of  Italy,  the 
rude  Thracian  would  not  change  his  boggy  soil  for  the 
best  location  in  Athens,  nor  the  brutish  Scythian  quit 
his  thorny  deserts  to  become  an  inhabitant  of  the  Fortu- 
nate Islands.  And,  oh!  the  wonderful  contrivances  of 
nature,  which  has  ordered  all  things  in  so  even  a  method 
that  wherever  she  has  been  less  bountiful  in  her  gifts, 
there  she  makes  it  up  with  a  larger  dose  of  self-love, 
which  supplies  the  former  defects,  and  makes  all  equal. 

To  enlarge  farther,  I  may  well  presume  to  aver,  that 
there  are  no  considerable  exploits  performed,  no  useful 
arts  invented,  but  what  I  am  the  respective  author  and 
manager  of:  as  first,  what  is  more  lofty  and  heroical 
than  war  ?  and  yet,  what  is  more  foolish  than  for  some 
petty,  trivial  affront,  to  take  such  a  revenge  as  both  sides 
shall  be  sure  to  be  losers,  and  where  the  quarrel  must  be 
decided  at  the  price  of  so  many  limbs  and  lives  ?  And 


The  Fool  in  the  Family. 


THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY.  89 

when  they  come  to  an  engagement,  what  service  can  be 
done  by  such  pale-faced  students,  as  by  drudging  at  the 
oars  of  wisdom,  have  spent  all  their  strength  and  ac- 
tivity ?  No,  the  only  use  is  of  blunt  sturdy  fellows  that 
have  little  of  wit,  and  so  the  more  of  resolution  ;  except 
you  would  make  a  soldier  of  such  another  Demosthenes 
as  threw  down  his  arms  when  he  came  within  sight  of 
the  enemy,  and  lost  that  credit  in  the  camp  which  he 
gained  in  the  pulpit.  But  counsel,  deliberation,  and 
advice,  say  you,  are  very  necessary  for  the  management 
of  war  :  very  tme,  but  not  such  counsel  as  shall  be  pre- 
scribed by  the  strict  rules  of  wisdom  and  justice  ;  for  a 
battle  shall  be  more  successfully  fought  by  serving-men, 
porters,  bailiffs,  padders,  rogues,  gaol-birds,  and  such 
like  tag-rags  of  mankind,  than  by  the  most  accomplished 
philosophers  ;  which  last,  how  unhappy  they  are  in  the 
management  of  such  concerns,  Socrates,  (by  the  oracle 
adjudged  to  be  the  wisest  of  mortals),  is  a  notable  exam- 
ple ;  who  when  he  appeared  in  the  attempt  of  some  pub- 
lic performance  before  the  people,  he  faltered  in  the  first 
onset,  and  could  never  recover  himself,  but  was  hooted 
and  hissed  home  again  ;  yet  this  philosopher  was  the  less 
a  fool,  for  refusing  the  appellation  of  wise,  and  not  ac- 
cepting the  oracle's  compliment ;  as  also  for  advising  that 
no  philosophers  should  have  any  hand  in  the  govern- 
ment of  the  commonwealth  ;  he  should  have  likewise,  at 
the  same  time,  added,  they  should  be  banished  all  human 
society.  And  what  made  this  great  man  poison  himself 
to  prevent  the  malice  of  his  accusers  ?  What  made  him 
the  instrument  of  his  own  death,  but  only  his  excessive- 
ness  of  wisdom  ?  whereby,  while  he  was  searching  into 


90  THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY. 

the  nature  of  clouds,  while  he  was  plodding  and  con- 
templating upon  ideas,  while  he  was  exercising  his 
geometry  upon  the  measure  of  a  flea,  and  diving  into  the 
recesses  of  nature,  for  an  account  how  little  insects,  when 
they  were  so  small  could  make  so  great  a  buzz  and  hum  : 
while  he  was  intent  upon  these  fooleries  he  minded 
nothing  of  the  world,  or  its  ordinary  concerns. 

Next  to  Socrates  comes  his  scholar  Plato,  a  famous 
orator  indeed,  that  could  be  so  abashed  out  of  counte- 
nance by  an  illiterate  rabble,  as  to  demur,  and  hawk, 
and  hesitate,  before  he  could  get  to  the  end  of  one  short 
sentence.  Theophrastus  was  such  another  coward,  who 
beginning  to  make  an  oration,  was  presently  struck  down 
with  fear,  as  if  he  had  seen  some  ghost  or  hobgoblin. 
Isocrates  was  so  bashful  and  timorous,  that  though  he 
taught  rhetoric,  yet  he  could  never  have  the  confidence 
to  speak  in  public.  Cicero,  the  master  of  Roman  elo- 
quence, was  wont  to  begin  his  speeches  with  a  low, 
quivering  voice,  just  like  a  school-boy,  afraid  of  not  say- 
ing his  lesson  perfect  enough  to  escape  whipping  :  and 
yet  Fabius  commends  this  property  of  Tully  as  an  argu- 
ment of  a  considerate  orator,  sensible  of  the  difficulty 
of  acquitting  himself  with  credit :  but  what  hereby  does 
he  do  more  than  plainly  confess  that  wisdom  is  but  ~j 
rub  and  impediment  to  the  well  management  of  any 
affair?  How  would  these  heroes  crouch,  and  shrink 
into  nothing,  at  the  sight  of  drawn  swords,  that  are  thus 
quashed  and  stunned  at  the  delivery  of  bare  words  ? 

Now,  then,  let  Plato's  fine  sentence  be  cried  up,  that 
"Jiappy  are  those  commonwealths  where  either  philoso- 
phers are  elected  kings,  or  kings  turn  philosophers." 


Personifying  a  Prince. 


THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY.  93 

Alas,  this  is  so  far  from  being  true,  that  if  we  consult 
all  historians  for  an  account  of  past  ages,  we  shall  find 
no  princes  more  weak,  nor  any  people  more  slavish  and 
wretched,  than  where  the  administration  of  affairs  fell  on 
the  shoulders  of  some  learned  bookish  governor.  Of  the 
truth  whereof,  the  two  Catos  are  exemplary  instances : 
the  first  of  which  embroiled  the  city,  and  tired  out  the 
senate  by  his  tedious  harangues  of  defending  himself 
and  accusing  others  ;  the  younger  was  the  unhappy  oc- 
casion of  the  loss  of  the  peoples'  liberty,  while  by  im- 
proper methods  he  pretended  to  maintain  it.  To  these 
may  be  added  Brutus,  Cassius,  the  two  Gracchi,  and 
Cicero  himself,  who  was  no  less  fatal  to  Rome,  than  his 
parallel  Demosthenes  was  to  Athens  :  as  likewise  Marcus 
Antoninus,  whom  we  may  allow  to  have  been  a  good 
emperor,  yet  the  less  such  for  his  having  been  a  philoso- 
pher ;  and  certainly  he  did  not  do  half  the  kindness  to 
his  empire  by  his  own  prudent  management  of  affairs,  as 
he  did  mischief  by  leaving  such  a  degenerate  successor 
as  his  son  Commodus  proved  to  be  ;  but  it  is  a  com- 
mon observation,  that  A  wise  father  has  many  times  a 
foolish  son,  nature  so  contriving  it,  lest  the  taint  of  wis- 
dom, like  hereditary  distempers,  should  otherwise  de- 
scend by  propagation.  Thus  Tully's  son  Marcus,  though 
bred  at  Athens,  proved  but  a  dull,  insipid  soul  ;  and 
Socrates,  his  children  had  (as  one  ingeniously  expresses 
it)  "more  of  the  mother  than  the  father,"  a  phrase  for 
their  being  fools. 

However,  it  were  the  more  excusable,  though  wise 
men  are  so  awkward  and  unhandy  in  the  ordering  of 
public  affairs,  if  they  were  not  so  bad,  or  worse  in  the 


94  THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY. 

management  of  their  ordinary  and  domestic  concerns  ; 
but  alas,  here  they  have  much  to  seek  :  for  place  a  for- 
mal wise  man  at  a  feast,  and  he  shall,  either  by  his  mo- 
rose silence  put  the  whole  table  out  of  humor,  or  by  his 
frivolous  questions  disoblige  and  tire  out  all  that  sit  near 
him.  Call  him  out  to  dance,  and  he  shall  move  no  more 
nimbly  than  a  camel  ;  invite  him  to  any  public  perform- 
ance, and  by  his  very  looks  he  shall  damp  the  mirth  of 
all  the  spectators,  and  at  last  be  forced,  like  Cato,  to 
leave  the  theatre,  because  he  could  not  unstarch  his 
gravity,  and  put  on  a  more  pleasant  countenance.  If  he 
engage  in  any  discourse,  he  either  breaks  off  abruptly, 
or  tires  out  the  patience  of  the  whole  company  if  he 
goes  on.  If  he  have  any  contract,  sale,  or  purchase  to 
make,  or  any  other  worldly  business  to  transact,  he  be- 
haves himself  more  like  a  senseless  stock  than  a  rational 
man  ;  so  as  he  can  be  of  no  use  nor  advantage  to  himself, 
to  his  friends,  or  to  his  country;  because  he  knows  noth- 
ing how  the  world  goes,  and  is  wholly  unacquainted 
with  the  humor  of  the  vulgar,  who  cannot  but  hate  a 
person  so  disagreeing  in  temper  from  themselves. 

And  indeed  the  whole  proceedings  of  the  world  are 
nothing  but  one  continued  scene  of  Folly,  all  the  actors 
being  equally  fools  and  madmen  ;  and  therefore  if  any  be 
so  pragmatically  wise  as  to  be  singular,  he  must  even 
turn  a  second  Timon,  or  man-hater,  and  by  retiring  into 
some  unfrequented  desert,  become  a  recluse  from  all 
mankind. 

But  to  return  to  what  I  first  proposed,  what  was  it  in 
the  infancy  of  the  world  that  made  men,  naturally  sav- 
age, unite  into  civil  societies,  but  only  flattery,  one  of 


THE  PRAISE  OF  FOU.Y.  95 

my  cliiefest  virtues  ?  For  there  is  nothing  else  meant 
by  the  fables  of  Amphion  and  Orpheus  with  their  harps ; 
the  first  making  the  stones  jump  into  a  well-built  wall, 
the  other  inducing  the  trees  to  pull  their  legs  out  of  the 
ground,  and  dance  the  morrice  after  him. 

What  was  it  that  quieted  and  appeased  the  Romar. 
people,  when  they  broke  out  into  a  riot  for  the  redress 
of  grievances?  Was  it  any  formal  starched  oration? 
No,  alas,  it  was  only  a  silly,  ridiculous  story,  told  by 
Menenius  Agrippa,  how  the  other  members  of  the  body 
quarreled  with  the  belly,  resolving  no  longer  to  remain 
her  drudging  caterers,  till  by  the  penance  they  thought 
thus  in  revenge  to  impose,  they  soon  found  their  own 
strength  so  far  diminished  that,  realizing  at  the  cost  of 
experience  their  mistake,  they  willingly  returned  to 
their  respective  duties. 

Thus  when  the  rabble  of  Athens  murmured  at  the  ex- 
action of  the  magistrates,  Themistocles  satisfied  them 
with  such  another  tale  of  the  fox  and  the  hedge-hog  ; 
the  first  whereof  being  stuck  fast  in  a  miry  bog,  the  flies 
came  swarming  about  him,  and  almost  sucked  out  all  his 
blood,  the  latter  officiously  offered  his  services  to  drive 
them  away;  uno,"  says  the  fox,  "if  these  which  are 
almost  glutted  be  frighted  off,  there  will  come  another 
hungry  set  that  will  be  ten  times  more  greedy  and  de- 
vouring : ' '  the  moral  of  this  he  thought  applicable  to 
the  people,  who  if  they  had  such  magistrates  removed 
as  they  complained  of  for  extortion,  yet  their  successors 
would  probably  be  worse. 

With  what  higher  advances  of  policy  could  Sertorius 
have  kept  the  barbarians  so  well  in  awe,  as  by  a  white 


96  THE   PRAISE  OF   FOLLY. 

hart,  which  he  pretended  was  presented  to  him  by  Diana, 
and  brought  him  intelligence  of  all  his  enemies'  designs  ? 
What  was  Lycurgus's  grand  argument  for  demonstrating 
the  force  of  education,  but  only  by  bringing  out  two 
whelps  of  the  same  bitch,  differently  brought  up,  and 
placing  before  them  a  dish  of  food  and  a  live  hare  ;  the 
one  that  had  been  bred  to  hunting,  ran  after  the  game, 
while  the  other,  whose  kennel  had  been  a  kitchen,  pres- 
ently fell  a  licking  the  platter. 

Thus  the  before-mentioned  Sertorius  made  his  soldiers 
sensible  that  wit  and  contrivance  would  do  more  than 
bare  strength,  by  setting  a  couple  of  men  to  the  plucking 
off  the  hair  from  two  horses'  tails  ;  the  first,  pulling  at 
all  in  one  handful,  tugged  in  vain  ;  while  the  other, 
though  much  the  weaker,  by  snatching  off  the  hairs  one 
by  one,  soon  performed  his  appointed  task. 

Instances  of  like  nature  are  Minos  and  king  Numa, 
both  of  whom  fooled  the  people  into  obedience  by  a  mere 
cheat  and  juggle  ;  the  first  by  pretending  that  he  was 
advised  by  Jupiter,  the  latter  by  making  the  vulgar  be- 
lieve that  he  had  the  goddess  ^geria  to  assist  him  in 
all  debates  and  transactions.  And  indeed  it  is  by  such 
wheedles  that  the  common  people  are  best  gulled  and 
imposed  upon. 

For  farther,  what  city  would  ever  submit  to  the  rigor- 
ous laws  of  Plate,  to  the  severe  injunctions  of  Aristotle, 
or  the  more  impracticable  tenets  of  Socrates  ?  No,  these 
would  have  been  too  galling,  there  not  being  allowance 
enough  made  for  the  infirmities  of  the  people. 

To  pass  to  another  head,  what  was  it  made  the  Decii 
so  forward  to  offer  themselves  up  as  a  sacrifice  for  an 


THE   PRAISE   OF   FOLLY.  97 

atonement  to  the  angry  gods,  to  rescue  and  stipulate  for 
their  indebted  country  ?  What  made  Curtius,  on  a  like 
occasion,  so  desperately  to  throw  away  his  life,  but  only 
vainglory,  that  is  condemned,  and  unanimously  voted 
for  a  main  branch  of  folly  by  all  wise  met}  ?  What  is 
more  unreasonable  and  foppish  (say  they)  than  for  any 
man,  out  of  ambition  to  some  office,  to  bow,  to  scrape 
and  cringe  to  the  gaping  rabble,  to  purchase  their  favor 
by  bribes  and  donatives,  to  have  their  names  cried  up 
in  the  streets,  to  be  carried  about  as  it  were  for  a  fine 
sight  upon  the  shoulders  of  the  crowd,  to  have  their 
effigies  carved  in  brass,  and  put  up  in  the  market  place 
for  a  monument  of  their  popularity  ? 

Add  to  this,  the  affectation  of  new  titles  and  distinct- 
ive badges  of  honor  ;  nay,  the  very  deifying  of  such  as 
were  the  most  bloody  tyrants.  These  are  so  extremely 
ridiculous,  that  there  is  need  of  more  than  one  Democri- 
tus  to  laugh  at  them.  And  yet  hence  only  have  been 
occasioned  those  memorable  achievements  of  heroes,  that 
have  so  much  employed  the  pens  of  many  laborious 
writers. 

It  is  Folly  that  in  a  varied  dress,  governs  cities,  ap- 
points magistrates,  and  supports  judicatures  ;  and,  in 
short,  makes  the  whole  course  of  man's  life  a  mere 
children's  play  and  worse  than  push-pin  diversion. 

The  invention  of  all  arts  and  sciences  are  likewise 
owing  to  the  same  cause  :  for  what  sedentary,  thoughtful 
men  would  have  beat  their  brains  in  the  search  of  new 
and  unheard  of  mysteries,  if  not  urged  on  by  the  bub- 
bling hopes  of  credit  and  reputation?  They  think  a 
little  glittering  flash  of  vainglory  is  a  sufficient  reward 


98  THE  PRAISE  OF   FOLLY. 

for  all  their  sweat  and  toil,  and  tedious  drudgery,  while 
they  that  are  supposedly  more  foolish,  reap  advantage 
of  the  others'  labors. 

And  now  since  I  have  made  good  my  title  to  valor 
and  industry,  what  if  I  challenge  an  equal  share  of 
wisdom  ? 

How  !  you  will  say,  this  is  absurd  and  contradictory  ; 
the  east  and  west  may  as  soon  shake  hands  as  Folly  and 
Wisdom  be  reconciled.  Well,  but  have  a  little  patience 
and  I  will  warrant  you  I  will  make  out  my  claim.  First 
then,  if  wisdom  (as  must  be  confessed)  is  no  more  than  a 
readiness  of  doing  good,  and  an  expeditious  method  of 
becoming  serviceable  to  the  world,  to  whom  does  this 
virtue  more  properly  belong?  To  the  wise  man,  who 
partly  out  of  modesty,  partly  out  of  cowardice,  can  pro- 
ceed resolutely  in  no  attempt  ;  or  to  the  fool,  that  goes 
hand  over  head,  leaps  before  he  looks,  and  so  ventures 
through  the  most  hazardous  undertaking  without  any 
sense  or  prospect  of  danger?  In  the  undertaking  of  any 
enterprise  the  wise  man  shall  run  to  consult  with  his 
books,  and  daze  himself  with  poring  over  musty  authors, 
whilst  the  dispatchful  fool  shall  rush  blindly  on,  and 
have  done  the  business,  while  the  other  is  thinking  of  it. 
For  the  two  greatest  lets  and  impediments  to  the  issue 
of  any  performance  are  modesty,  which  casts  a  mist  be- 
fore men's  eyes,  and  fear,  which  makes  them  shrink 
back,  and  recede  from  any  proposal  :  both  these  are 
banished  by  Folly,  and  in  their  stead  such  a  habit  of 
fool-hardiness  introduced,  as  mightily  contributes  to  the 
success  of  all  enterprises.  Farther,  if  you  will  have 
wisdom  taken  in  the  other  sense,  of  being  a  right  judg- 


THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY.  99 

ment  of  things,  you  shall  see  how  short  wise  men  fall  of 
it  in  this  acceptation. 

First,  then,  it  is  certain  that  all  things,  like  so  many 
Jan  us' s,  carry  a  double  face,  or  rather  bear  a  false  aspect, 
most  things  being  really  in  themselves  far  different  from 
what  they  are  in  appearance  to  others  :  so  that  which  at 
first  blush  proves  alive,  is  in  truth  dead  ;  and  that  again, 
which  appears  as  dead,  at  a  nearer  view  proves  to  be  alive ; 
beautiful  seems  ugly,  wealthy  poor,  scandalous  is  thought 
creditable,  prosperous  passes  for  unlucky,  friendly  for 
what  is  most  opposite,  and  innocent  for  what  is  hurtful 
and  pernicious.  In  short,  if  we  change  the  tables,  all 
things  are  found  placed  in  a  quite  different  posture  from 
what  just  before  they  appeared  to  stand  in. 

If  this  seem  too  darkly  and  unintelligibly  expressed, 
I  will  explain  it  by  the  familiar  instance  of  some  great 
king  or  prince,  whom  every  one  shall  suppose  to  swim 
in  a  luxury  of  wealth,  and  to  be  a  powerful  lord  and 
master  ;  when,  alas,  on  the  one  hand  he  has  poverty  of 
spirit  enough  to  make  him  a  mere  beggar,  and  on  the 
other  side  he  is  worse  than  a  galley-slave  to  his  own 
lusts  and  passions. 

If  I  had  a  mind  further  to  expatiate,  I  could  enlarge 
upon  several  instances  of  like  nature,  but  this  one  may 
at  present  suffice. 

Well,  but  what  is  the  meaning  (will  some  say)  of  all 
this  ?  Why,  observe  the  application.  If  any  one  in  a 
play-house  be  so  impertinent  and  rude  as  to  rifle  the 
actors  of  their  borrowed  clothes,  make  them  lay  down 
the  character  assumed,  and  force  them  to  return  to  their 
naked  selves,  would  not  such  a  one  wholly  discompose 


IOO  THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY. 

and  spoil  the  entertainment  ?  And  would  he  not  deserve 
to  be  hissed  and  thrown  stones  at  till  the  pragmatical 
fool  could  learn  better  manners  ?  For  by  such  a  disturb- 
ance the  whole  scene  will  be  altered  :  such  as  acted  the 
men  will  perhaps  appear  to  be  women  :  he  that  was 
dressed  up  for  a  young  brisk  lover,  will  be  found  a  rough 
old  fellow  ;  and  he  that  represented  a  king,  will  remain 
but  a  mean  ordinary  serving-man.  The  laying  things 
thus  open  is  marring  all  the  sport,  which  consists  only 
in  counterfeit  and  disguise. 

Now  the  world  is  nothing  else  but  such  another  com- 
edy, where  every  one  in  the  tire-room  is  first  habited 
suitably  to  the  part  he  is  to  act  ;  and  as  it  is  successively 
their  turn,  out  they  come  on  the  stage,  where  he  that 
now  personates  a  prince,  shall  in  another  part  of  the 
same  play  alter  his  dress,  and  become  a  beggar,  all  things 
being  in  a  mask  and  particular  disguise,  or  otherwise  the 
play  could  never  be  presented. 

Now,  if  there  should  arise  any  starched,  formal  don, 
that  would  point  at  the  several  actors,  and  tell  how  this, 
that  seems  a  petty  god,  is  indeed  worse  than  a  brute, 
being  made  captive  to  the  tyranny  of  passion  ;  that  the 
other,  who  bears  the  character  of  a  king,  is  indeed  the 
most  slavish  of  serving-men,  in  being  subject  to  the  mas- 
tership of  lust  and  sensuality  ;  that  a  third,  who  vaunts 
so  much  of  his  pedigree,  is  no  better  than  a  bastard  for 
degenerating  from  virtue,  which  ought  to  be  of  greatest 
consideration  in  heraldry,  and  so  shall  go  on  in  exposing 
all  the  rest ;  would  not  any  one  think  such  a  person  quite 
frantic,  and  ripe  for  Bedlam  ? 

For  as  nothing  is  more  silly  than  preposterous  wisdom, 


Fools  have  the  Privilege  of  Speaking  the  Truth. 


THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY.  103 

so  is  there  nothing  more  indiscreet  than  an  unreasonable 
reproof.  And  therefore  he  is  to  be  hooted  out  of  all 
society  that  will  not  be  pliable,  conformable,  and  willing 
to  suit  his  humor  with  other  men's,  remembering  the 
law  of  clubs  and  meetings,  that  he  who  will  not  do  as 
the  rest  must  get  him  out  of  the  company. 

And  it  is  certainly  one  great  degree  of  wisdom  for 
every  one  to  consider  that  he  is  but  a  man,  and  therefore 
he  should  not  pitch  his  soaring  thoughts  beyond  the 
level  of  mortality,  but  clip  the  wings  of  his  towering 
ambition,  and  obligingly  submit  and  condescend  to  the 
weakness  of  others,  it  being  many  times  a  piece  of  com- 
plaisance to  go  out  of  the  road  for  company's  sake.  No 
(say  you),  this  is  a  grand  piece  of  Folly  :  true,  but  yet 
all  our  living  is  no  more  than  such  kind  of  fooling,  which 
though  it  may  seem  harsh  to  assert,  yet  it  is  not  so 
strange  as  true. 

For  the  better  making  it  out  it  might  perhaps  be  req- 
uisite to  invoke  the  aid  of  the  muses,  to  whom  the  poets 
devoutly  apply  themselves  upon  far  more  slender  occa- 
sions. Come  then  and  assist,  ye  Heliconian  lasses,  while 
I  attempt  to  prove  that  there  is  no  method  for  an  arrival 
at  wisdom,  and  consequently  no  track  to  the  goal  of 
happiness,  without  the  instructions  and  directions  of 
Folly. 

And  here,  in  the  first  place,  it  has  been  already  ac- 
knowledged that  all  the  passions  are  enlisted  under  my 
regiment,  since  this  is  resolved  to  be  the  only  distinction 
betwixt  a  wise  man  and  a  fool,  that  the  latter  is  governed 
by  passion,  the  other  guided  by  reason  ;  and  therefore 
the  Stoics  look  upon  passions  as  no  other  than  the  in- 


104  THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY. 

faction  and  malady  of  the  soul  that  disorders  the  consti- 
tution of  the  whole  man,  and  by  putting  the  spirits  into 
a  feverish  ferment,  occasions  many  times  some  mortal 
distemper.  And  yet  these,  however  decried,  are  not  only 
our  tutors  to  instruct  us  towards  the  attainment  of  wis- 
dom, but  even  embolden  us  likewise,  and  spur  us  on 
to  a  quicker  dispatch  of  all  our  undertakings.  This,  I 
suppose,  will  be  stomached  by  the  stoical  Seneca,  who 
pretends  that  the  only  emblem  of  wisdom  is  the  man 
without  passion  ;  whereas  the  supposing  any  person  to 
be  so,  is  perfectly  to  unman  him,  or  else  transform  him 
into  some  fabulous  deity  that  never  was,  nor  ever  will 
be  ;  nay,  to  speak  more  plainly,  it  is  but  the  making  him 
a  mere  statue,  immovable,  senseless,  and  altogether  in- 
active. And  if  this  be  their  wise  man,  let  them  take  him 
to  themselves,  and  remove  him  into  Plato's  common- 
wealth, the  new  Atlantis,  or  some  other-like  fairy  land. 

For  who  would  not  hate  and  avoid  such  a  person  as 
should  be  deaf  to  all  the  dictates  of  common  sense  ?  that 
should  have  no  more  power  of  love  or  pity  than  a  block 
or  stone  that  remains  heedless  of  all  dangers  ?  that  thinks 
he  can  never  mistake,  but  can  foresee  all  contingencies 
at  the  greatest  distance,  and  make  provision  for  the  worst 
presages?  that  feeds  upon  himself  and  his  own  thoughts  ? 
that  monopolizes  health,  wealth,  power,  dignity,  and  all 
to  himself?  that  loves  no  man,  nor  is  beloved  of  any  ? 
that  has  the  impudence  to  tax  even  divine  providence  of 
ill  contrivance,  and  proudly  grudges,  nay,  tramples  under 
foot  all  other  men's  reputation  ;  and  this  is  he  that  is 
the  Stoic's  perfectly  wise  man. 

But  prithee,  what  city  would  choose  such  a  magistrate? 


THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY.  107 

what  army  would  be  willing  to  serve  under  such  a  com- 
mander? or  what  woman  would  be  content  with  such  an 
incompetent  husband.  Who  would  invite  such  a  guest? 
or  what  servant  would  be  retained  under  such  a  master  ? 
The  most  illiterate  mechanic  would  in  all  respects  be  a 
more  acceptable  man,  for  he  would  be  frolicsome  with 
his  wife,  free  with  his  friends,  jovial  at  a  feast,  pliable  in 
converse,  and  obliging  to  all  company. 

But  I  am  tired  out  with  this  part  of  my  subject,  and 
so  must  pass  to  other  topics. 

And  now  were  any  one  placed  on  that  tower,  from 
whence  Jove  is  fancied  by  the  poets  to  survey  the  world, 
he  would  discern  all  around  how  many  grievances  and 
calamities  our  whole  life  is  on  every  side  encompassed 
with  :  how  unclean  our  birth,  how  troublesome  our  tend- 
ance in  the  cradle,  how  liable  our  childhood  is  to  a  thou- 
sand misfortunes,  how  toilsome  and  full  of  drudgery  our 
riper  years,  how  heavy  and  uncomfortable  our  old  age, 
and  lastly,  how  unwelcome  the  unavoidableness  of  death. 
Farther,  in  every  course  of  life  how  many  wracks  there 
may  be  of  torturing  diseases,  how  many  unhappy  acci- 
dents may  casually  occur,  how  many  unexpected  disas- 
ters may  arise,  and  what  strange  alterations  may  one 
moment  produce  ?  Not  to  mention  such  miseries  as  men 
are  mutually  the  cause  of,  as  poverty,  imprisonment, 
slander,  reproach,  revenge,  treachery,  malice,  cousenage, 
deceit,  and  so  many  more,  as  to  reckon  them  all  would 
be  as  puzzling  arithmetic  as  the  numbering  of  the  sands. 

How  mankind  became  environed  with  such  hard  cir- 
cumstances, or  what  deity  imposed  these  plagues,  as  a 
penance  on  rebellious  mortals,  I  am  not  now  at  leisure 


IO8  THE  PRAISE  OF   FOLLY. 

to  enquire  :  but  whoever  seriously  takes  them  into  con- 
sideration must  needs  commend  the  value  of  the  Milesian 
virgins,  who  voluntarily  killed  themselves  to  get  rid  of 
a  troublesome  world  :  and  how  many  wise  men  have 
taken  the  same  course  of  becoming  their  own  execution- 
ers :  among  whom,  not  to  mention  Diogenes,  Xenocrates, 
Cato,  Cassius,  Brutus,  and  other  heroes,  the  self-denying 
Chiron  is  never  enough  to  be  commended  ;  who,  when 
he  was  offered  by  Apollo  the  privilege  of  being  exempted 
from  death,  and  living  on  to  the  world's  end,  refused  the 
enticing  proposal,  as  deservedly  thinking  it  a  punishment 
rather  than  a  reward. 

But  if  all  were  thus  wise  you  see  how  soon  the  world 
would  be  unpeopled,  and  what  need  there  would  be  of  a 
second  Prometheus,  to  plaster  up  the  decayed  image  of 
mankind.  I  therefore  come  and  stand  in  this  gap  of 
danger,  and  prevent  farther  mischief;  partly  by  igno- 
rance, partly  by  inadvertence  ;  by  the  oblivion  of  what- 
ever would  be  grating  to  remember,  and  the  hopes  of 
whatever  may  be  grateful  to  expec"l,  together  palliating 
all  griefs  with  an  intermixture  of  pleasure  ;  whereby  I 
make  men  so  far  from  being  weary  of  their  lives,  that 
when  their  thread  is  spun  to  its  full  length,  they  are  yet 
unwilling  to  die,  and  hardly  can  be  brought  to  take 
their  last  farewell  of  their  friends. 

Thus  some  decrepit  old  fellows,  that  look  as  hollow 
as  the  grave  into  which  they  are  falling,  that  rattle  in 
the  throat  at  every  word  they  speak,  that  can  eat  no 
meat  but  what  is  tender  enough  to  suck,  that  have  more 
hair  on  their  beard  than  they  have  on  their  head,  and  go 
stooping  toward  the  dust  they  must  shortly  return  to; 
\ 


The  Begging  Friar. 


THE   PRAISE  OF  FOLLY.  Ill 

whose  skin  seems  already  drest  into  parchment,  and  their 
bones  already  dried  to  a  skeleton  ;  these  shadows  of  men 
shall  be  wonderful  ambitious  of  living  longer,  and  there- 
fore fence  off  the  attacks  of  death  with  all  imaginable 
sleights  and  impostures  ;  one  shall  dye  his  gray  hairs, 
for  fear  their  color  should  betray  his  age  ;  another  shall 
spruce  himself  up  in  a  light  periwig ;  a  third  shall  repair 
the  loss  of  his  teeth  with  an  ivory  set ;  and  a  fourth  per- 
haps shall  fall  deeply  in  love  with  a  young  girl,  and 
accordingly  court  her  with  as  much  of  gaiety  and  brisk- 
ness as  the  liveliest  spark  in  the  whole  town :  and  we 
cannot  but  know,  that  for  an  old  man  to  marry  a  young 
wife  without  a  portion,  to  be  a  cooler  to  other  men's  lust, 
is  grown  so  common,  that  it  has  become  the  a-la-mode 
of  the  times.  And  what  is  yet  more  comical,  you  shall 
have  some  wrinkled  old  woman,  whose  very  looks  are  a 
sufficient  antidote  to  lechery,  that  shall  be  canting  out, 
"Ah,  life  is  a  sweet  thing -,"  and  so  run  a  caterwauling, 
and  hire  some  strong-backed  suitors  to  recover  their 
almost  lost  sense  of  feeling ;  and  to  set  themselves  off 
the  better,  they  shall  paint  and  daub  their  faces,  always 
stand  a  tricking  up  themselves  at  their  looking-glass,  go 
naked-necked,  bare-breasted,  be  tickled  at  a  vulgar  jest, 
dance  among  the  young  girls,  write  love-letters,  and  do 
all  the  other  knacks  of  attracting  hot-blooded  suitors  ; 
and  in  the  meanwhile,  however  they  are  laughed  at,  they 
enjoy  themselves  to  the  full,  live  to  their  hearts'  desire, 
and  want  for  nothing  that  may  complete  their  happiness. 
As  for  those  that  think  them  herein  so  ridiculous,  I  would 
have  them  give  an  ingenuous  answer  to  this  one  query, 
whether  if  folly  or  hanging  were  left  to  their  choice,  they 


112  THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY. 

had  not  much  rather  live  like  fools,  than  die  like  dogs  ? 
But  what  matter  is  it  if  these  things  are  resented  by 
the  vulgar  ?  Their  ill  word  is  no  injury  to  fools,  who 
are  either  altogether  insensible  of  any  affront,  or  at  least 
lay  it  not  much  to  heart.  If  they  were  knocked  on  the 
head,  or  had  their  brains  dashed  out,  they  would  have 
some  cause  to  complain ;  but  alas,  slander,  calumny, 
and  disgrace,  are  not  otherwise  injurious  than  as  they 
are  interpreted;  nor  otherwise  evil  than  as  they  are 
thought  to  be  so.  What  harm  is  it  then  if  all  persons 
deride  and  scoff  you,  if  you  bear  but  up  in  your  own 
thoughts,  and  be  yourself  thoroughly  conceited  of  your 
deserts?  And  prithee,  why  should  it  be  thought  any 
scandal  to  be  a  fool,  since  the  being  so  is  one  part  of  our 
nature  and  essence  ;  and  as  so,  our  not  being  wise  can 
no  more  reasonably  be  imputed  as  a  fault,  than  it  would 
be  proper  to  laugh  at  a  man  because  he  cannot  fly  in  the 
air  like  birds  and  fowls  ;  because  he  goes  not  on  all  fours 
as  beasts  of  the  field  ;  because  he  does  not  wear  a  pair  of 
visible  horns  as  a  crest  on  his  forehead,  like  bulls  or  stags. 
By  the  same  figure  we  may  call  a  horse  unhappy,  be- 
cause he  was  never  taught  his  grammar  ;  and  an  ox  mis- 
erable, because  he  never  learned  to  fence.  But,  sure  as 
a  horse,  though  not  knowing  a  letter  is  nevertheless  val- 
uable, so  a  man,  for  being  a  fool,  is  never  the  more  un- 
fortunate, it  being  by  nature  and  providence  so  ordained 
for  each. 

Ay,  but  (say  our  patrons  of  wisdom)  the  knowledge  of 
arts  and  sciences  is  purposely  attainable  by  men,  that 
the  defect  of  natural  parts  maybe  supplied  by  the  help  of 
those  acquired :  as  if  it  were  probable  that  nature,  which 


The  First  Scene  of  Infancy. 


The  Lawyer. 


THE   PRAISE   OF   FOLLY.  115 

has  been  so  exact  and  curious  in  the  mechanism  of  flow- 
ers, herbs,  and  flies,  should  have  bungled  most  in  her 
masterpiece,  and  made  man  as  it  were  by  halves,  to  be 
afterward  polished  and  refined  by  his  own  industry,  in 
the  attainment  of  such  sciences  as  the  Egyptians  feigned 
were  invented  by  their  god  Theuth,  as  a  sure  plague  and 
punishment  to  mankind,  being  so  far  from  augmenting 
their  happiness,  that  they  do  not  answer  the  end  that 
they  were  first  designed  for,  which  was  the  improvement 
of  memory,  as  Plato  in  his  Phsedrus  doth  wittily  observe. 

In  the  first  golden  age  of  the  world,  there  was  no  need 
of  these  perplexities  ;  there  was  then  no  other  sort  of 
learning  but  what  was  collected  from  every  man's  com- 
mon sense,  improved  by  an  easy  experience. 

What  use  could  there  have  been  of  grammar,  when  all 
men  spoke  the  same  mother- tongue,  and  aimed  at  no 
higher  pitch  of  oratory,  than  barely  to  be  understood  by 
each  other?  What  need  of  logic,  when  they  were  too 
wise  to  enter  into  any  dispute?  or  what  occasion  for 
rhetoriofwhere  no  difference  arose  to  require  any  labori- 
ous decision?  And  as  little  reason  had  they  to  be  tied 
up  by  any  laws,  since  the  dictates  of  nature  and  common 
morality  were  restraint  and  obligation  sufficient :  and  as 
to  all  the  mysteries  of  providence,  they  made  them  rather 
the  objecl  of  their  wonder,  than  their  curiosity  ;  and 
therefore  were  not  so  presumptuous  as  to  dive  into  the 
depths  of  nature,  to  labor  for  the  solving  of  all  phenom- 
ena in  astronomy,  or  to  wrack  their  brains  in  the  split- 
ting of  entities,  and  unfolding  the  nicest  speculations, 
judging  it  a  crime  for  any  man  to  aim  at  what  is  put 
beyond  the  reach  of  his  shallow  apprehension. 


Il6  THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY. 

Thus  was  ignorance,  in  the  infancy  of  the  world,  as 
much  the  parent  of  happiness  as  it  has  since  been  of  de- 
votion ;  but  as  soon  as  the  golden  age  began  by  degrees 
to  degenerate  into  the  more  common  metals,  then  were 
arts  likewise  invented  ;  yet  at  first  but  few  in  number, 
and  those  rarely  understood,  till  in  farther  process  of 
time  the  superstition  of  the  Chaldeans,  and  the  curiosity 
of  the  Grecians,  spawned  so  many  subtleties,  that  now  it 
is  scarce  the  work  of  an  age  to  be  thoroughly  acquainted 
with  all  the  criticisms  in  grammar  only.  And  among 
all  the  several  Arts,  those  are  proportionably  most  es- 
teemed that  come  nearest  to  weakness  and  folly.  For 
thus  divines  may  bite  their  nails,  and  naturalists  may 
blow  their  fingers,  astrologers  may  know  their  own  for- 
tune is  to  be  poor,  and  the  logician  may  shut  his  fist 
$nd  grasp  the  wind. 

While  all  these  hard-named  fellows  cannot  make 
So  great  a  figure  as  a  single  quack. 

And  in  this  profession,  those  that  have  most  confidence, 
though  the  least  skill,  shall  be  sure  of  the  greatest  cus- 
tom ;  and  indeed  this  whole  art  as  it  is  now  practised,  is 
but  one  incorporated  compound  of  craft  and  imposture. 
Next  to  the  physician  comes  the  lawyer,  (who  will 
perhaps  commence  a  suit  with  me  for  not  having  beea 
first  mentioned),  who  is  so  silly  as  to  be,  proverbially,  an 
ignoramus,  and  yet  by  such  are  all  difficulties  solved,  all 
controversies  determined,  and  all  affairs  managed  so 
much  to  their  own  advantage,  that  they  get  those  estates 
to  themselves  which  they  are  employed  to  recover  for 
their  clients :  while  in  the  mean  time  the  poor  divine 
shall  have  the  lice  crawl  upon  his  thread-bare  gown, 


The  Old  Man  Spruced  Up. 


The  Old  Woman  Spmced  up. 


THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY.  131 

before,  by  all  his  sweat  and  drudgery,  he  can  get  money 
enough  to  purchase  a  new  one.  As  those  arts  therefore 
are  most  advantageous  to  their  respective  professors 
which  are  farthest  distant  from  wisdom,  so  are  those  per- 
sons incomparably  most  happy  that  have  least  to  do  with 
any  at  all,  but  jog  on  in  the  common  road  of  nature, 
which  will  never  mislead  us,  except  we  voluntarily  leap 
over  those  boundaries  which  she  has  cautiously  set  to  all 
finite  beings.  Nature  glitters  most  in  her  own  plain, 
homely  garb,  and  then  gives  the  greatest  lustre  when 
she  is  unsullied  from  all  artificial  garnish. 

Thus  if  we  enquire  into  the  state  of  all  dumb  creatures, 
we  shall  find  that  those  fare  best  that  are  left  to  nature's 
conduct :  as  for  instance  in  bees,  what  is  more  to  be  ad- 
mired than  the  industry  and  contrivance  of  these  little 
insects  ?  What  architect  could  ever  form  so  curious  a 
structure  as  they  give  a  model  of  in  their  inimitable 
combs?  What  kingdom  can  be  governed  with  better 
discipline  than  they  exactly  observe  in  their  respective 
hives  ?  While  the  horse,  by  turning  a  rebel  to  nature, 
and  becoming  a  slave  to  man,  undergoes  the  worst  of 
tyranny. 

He  is  sometimes  spurred  on  to  battle  when  wounded 
so  severely  that  his  intestines  drag  after  him,  and,  falling, 
he  bites  the  ground  instead  of  grass  ;  not  to  mention  the 
cruelty  of  his  jaws  being  curbed,  his  tail  docked,  his 
back  wrung,  his  sides  spur-galled,  his  close  imprisonment 
in  a  stable,  and  a  great  many  other  plagues,  which  he 
might  have  avoided  if  he  had  kept  to  that  first  station  of 
freedom  in  which  nature  placed  him. 

How  much  more  desirable  is  the  unconfined  range  of 


122  THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY. 

flies  and  birds,  who  living  by  instinct,  would  want  noth- 
ing to  complete  their  happiness,  if  some  well-employed 
Domitian  would  not  persecute  the  former,  nor  the  sly 
fowler  lay  snares  and  gins  for  the  entrapping  of  the 
other?  And  if  young  birds,  before  their  unfledged  wings 
can  carry  them  from  their  nests,  are  caught,  and  pent  up 
in  a  cage  for  the  purpose  of  learning  them  to  sing  or 
whistle,  all  their  new  tunes  make  not  half  such  sweet 
music  as  their  wild  notes,  and  natural  melody — so  much 
does  that  which  is  but  rough-drawn  by  nature  surpass 
and  excel  all  the  additional  paint  and  varnish  of  art,  and 
we  cannot  but  commend  and  admire  that  Pythagorean 
cock,  which  (as  Lucian  relates)  had  been  successively  a 
man,  a  woman,  a  prince,  a  subject,  a  fish,  a  horse,  and  a 
frog  :  after  all  his  experience,  he  summed  up  his  judg- 
ment in  this  censure,  that  "Man  was  the  most  wretched 
and  deplorable  of  all  creatures,  all  others  patiently  graz- 
ing within  the  enclosures  of  nature,  while  man  only 
broke  out,  and  strayed  beyond  those  safer  limits, 
which  he  was  justly  confined  to."  And  Gryllus  is  to  be 
adjuged  wiser  than  the  much  counseling  Ulysses,  inas- 
much as  when  by  the  enchantment  of  Circe  he  had  been 
turned  into  a  hog,  he  would  not  lay  down  his  swinish- 
ness, nor  forsake  his  beloved  sty,  to  run  the  peril  of  a 
hazardous  voyage. 

For  a  farther  confirmation  whereof  I  have  the  authority 
of  Homer,  that  captain  of  all  poetry,  who,  as  he  gives 
to  mankind  in  general,  the  epithet  of  wretched  and  un- 
happy, so  he  bestows  in  particular  upon  Ulysses  the  title 
of  miserable,  which  he  never  attributes  to  Paris,  Ajax, 
Achilles,  or  any  other  of  the  commanders  ;  and  that  for 


The  Capuchin. 


THE   PRAISE  OF  FOLLY.  125 

this  reason,  because  Ulysses  was  more  crafty,  cautious, 
and  wise,  than  any  of  the  rest. 

As  those  therefore  fall  shortest  of  happiness  that  reach 
highest  at  wisdom,  meeting  with  the  greater  repulse  for 
soaring  beyond  the  boundaries  of  their  nature,  and  with- 
out remembering  themselves  to  be  but  men,  like  the  fallen 
angels,  daring  them  to  vie  with  Omnipotence,  and  giant- 
like scale  heaven  with  the  engines  of  their  own  brain  ;  so 
are  those  most  exalted  in  the  road  of  bliss  that  degenerate 
nearest  into  brutes,  and  quietly  divest  themselves  of  all 
use  and  exercise  of  reason. 

And  this  we  can  prove  by  a  familiar  instance.  As 
namely,  can  there  be  any  one  sort  of  men  that  enjoy 
themselves  better  than  those  which  we  call  changelings, 
idiots,  fools,  and  naturals  ?  It  may  perhaps  sound  harsh, 
but  upon  due  consideration  it  will  be  found  absolutely 
true,  that  these  persons  in  all  circumstances  fare  best, 
and  live  most  comfortably  ;  as  first,  they  are  void  of  all 
fear,  which  is  a  very  great  privilege  to  be  exempted  from ; 
they  are  troubled  with  no  remorse,  nor  pricks  of  con- 
science ;  they  are  not  frighted  with  any  bugbear  stories 
of  another  world  ;  they  startle  not  at  the  fancied  appear- 
ance of  ghosts,  or  apparitions  ;  they  are  not  wracked  with 
the  dread  of  impending  mischiefs,  nor  bandied  with  the 
hopes  of  any  expected  enjoyments  :  in  short,  they  are 
unassaulted  by  all  those  legions  of  cares  that  war  against 
the  quiet  of  rational  souls  ;  they  are  ashamed  of  nothing, 
fear  no  man,  banish  the  uneasiness  of  ambition,  envy, 
and  love  ;  and  to  add  the  reversion  of  a  future  happiness 
to  the  enjoyment  of  a  present  one, — they  have  no  sin 
neither  to  answer  for  ;  divines  unanimously  maintaining 


126  THE  PRAISE  OF 

that  a  gross  and  unavoidable  ignorance  does  not  only 
extenuate  and  abate  from  the  aggravation,  but  wholly 
expiates  the  guilt  of  any  immorality. 

Come  now  then  as  many  of  you  as  challenge  the  re- 
spect of  being  accounted  wise,  ingenuously  confess  how 
many  insurrections  of  rebellious  thoughts,  and  pangs  of 
a  laboring  mind,  ye  are  perpetually  vexed  and  tortured 
with  ;  reckon  up  all  those  inconveniences  that  you  are 
unavoidably  subject  to,  and  then  tell  me  whether  fools, 
by  being  exempted  from  all  these  embroilments,  are  not 
infinitely  more  free  and  happy  than  yourselves  ?  Add 
to  this,  that  fools  do  not  barely  laugh  and  sing,  and  play 
the  good-fellow  alone  to  themselves  :  but  as  it  is  the  na- 
ture of  good  to  be  communicative,  so  they  impart  their 
mirth  to  others,  by  making  sport  for  the  whole  company 
they  are  at  any  time  engaged  in,  as  if  providence  purpose- 
ly designed  them  for  an  antidote  to  melancholy:  where- 
by they  make  all  persons  so  fond  of  their  society,  that 
they  are  welcomed  to  all  places,  hugged,  caressed,  and 
defended,  a  liberty  given  them  of  saying  or  doing  any- 
thing ;  so  well  beloved,  that  none  dares  to  offer  them 
the  least  injury  ;  nay,  the  most  ravenous  beasts  of  prey 
will  pass  them  by  untouched,  as  if  by  instinct  they  were 
warned  that  such  innocence  ought  to  receive  no  hurt. 
Farther,  their  converse  is  so  acceptable  in  the  court  of 
princes,  that  few  kings  will  banquet,  walk,  or  take  any 
other  diversion,  without  their  attendance  ;  nay,  and  had 
much  rather  have  their  company,  than  that  of  their 
gravest  counselors,  whom  they  maintain  more  for  fashion' 
sake  than  good-will  ;  nor  is  it  so  strange  that  these  fools 
should  be  preferred  before  graver  politicians,  since  these 


The  Commentator. 


THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY.  129 

last,  by  their  harsh,  sour  advice,  and  ill-timing  the  truth, 
are  fit  only  to  put  a  prince  out  of  humor,  while  the  others 
laugh,  and  talk,  and  joke,  without  any  danger  of  dis- 
obliging. 

It  is  another  very  commendable  property  of  fools, 
that  they  always  speak  the  truth,  than  which  there  is 
nothing  more  noble  and  heroical.  For  so,  though  Plato 
relates  it  as  a  sentence  of  Alcibiades,  that  in  the  sea  of 
drunkenness  truth  swims  uppermost,  and  so  wine  is 
the  only  teller  of  truth,  yet  this  character  may  more 
justly  be  assumed  by  me,  as  I  can  make  good  from  the 
authority  of  Euripides,  who  lays  down  this  as  an  ax- 
iom itaopu  {i&pos  Aeyst,  children  and  fools  always  speak  the 
truth. 

Whatever  the  fool  has  in  his  heart  he  betrays  it  in  his 
face:  or  what  is  more  evident,  discovers  it  by  his  words: 
while  the  wise  man,  as  Euripides  observes,  carries  a 
double  tongue  ;  the  one  to  speak  what  may  be  said,  the 
other  what  ought  to  be  ;  the  one  what  truth,  the  other 
what  the  times  require  :  whereby  he  can  in  a  trice  so 
alter  his  judgment,  as  to  prove  that  to  be  now  white, 
which  he  had  just  before  sworn  to  be  black  ;  like  the 
satyr  at  his  porridge,  blowing  hot  and  cold  at  the  same 
breath ;  in  his  lips  professing  one  thing,  when  in  his 
deart  he  means  another. 

Futhermore,  princes  in  their  greatest  splendor  seem 
upon  this  account  unhappy,  in  that  they  miss  the  advan- 
tage of  being  told  the  truth,  and  are  shammed  off  by  a 
parcel  of  insinuating  courtiers,  that  acquit  themselves  as 
flatterers  more  than  as  friends.  But  some  will  perchance 
object,  that  princes  do  not  love  to  hear  the  truth,  and 


130  THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY. 

therefore  wise  men  must  be  very  cautious  how  they  be- 
have themselves  before  them,  lest  they  should  take  too 
great  a  liberty  in  speaking  what  is  true,  rather  than 
what  is  acceptable. 

This  much  must  be  confessed,  that  truth  indeed  is 
seldom  palatable  to  the  ears  of  kings  ;  yet  fools  have  so 
great  a  privilege  as  to  have  free  leave,  not  only  to  speak 
bare  truths,  but  the  most  bitter  ones  too;  so  as  the  same 
reproof,  which  had  it  come  from  the  mouth  of  a  wise 
man  would  have  cost  him  his  head,  being  blurted  out  by 
a  fool,  is  not  only  pardoned,  but  welcomed  and  rewarded. 
For  truth  has  naturally  a  mixture  of  pleasure,  if  it  carry 
with  it  nothing  of  offence  to  the  person  whom  it  is  ap- 
plied to  ;  and  the  happy  knack  of  ordering  it  so  is  be- 
stowed only  on  fools. 

'  Tis  for  the  same  reason  that  this  sort  of  men  are  more 
fondly  beloved  by  women,  who  like  their  tumbling  them 
about,  and  playing  with  them  though  never  so  boister- 
ously ;  pretending  to  take  that  only  in  jest,  which  they 
would  have  to  be  meant  in  earnest,  as  that  sex  is  very 
ingenious  in  palliating,  and  dissembling  the  bent  of 
their  wanton  inclinations. 

But  to  retnrn.  An  additional  happiness  of  these  fools 
appears  farther  in  this,  that  when  they  have  run  merrily 
on  to  their  last  stage  of  life,  they  neither  find  any  fear 
nor  feel  any  pain  to  die,  but  march  contentedly  to  the 
other  world,  where  their  company  must  surely  be  as  ac- 
ceptable as  it  was  here  upon  earth. 

Let  us  draw  now  a  comparison  between  the  condition 
of  a  fool  and  that  of  a  wise  man,  and  see  how  infinitely 
the  one  outweighs  the  other. 


The  Daily  Tally  of  Psalms. 


THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY.  133 

Give  me  any  instance  then,  of  a  man  as  wise  as  you 
can  fancy  him  possible  to  be,  that  has  spent  all  his 
younger  years  in  poring  over  books,  and  trudging  after 
learning,  in  the  pursuit  whereof  he  squanders  away  the 
pleasantest  time  of  his  life  in  watching,  sweating,  and 
fasting  ;  and  in  his  latter  days  he  never  tastes  one  mouth- 
ful of  delight,  but  is  always  stingy,  poor,  dejected,  mel- 
ancholy, burthensome  to  himself,  and  unwelcome  to 
others,  pale,  lean,  thin-jawed,  sickly,  contracting  by  his 
sedentariness  such  hurtful  distempers  as  bring  him  to  an 
untimely  death,  like  rose-buds  plucked  before  they  bloom. 
Thus  have  you  a  picture  of  the  wise  man's  happiness — 
more  the  object  of  commiseration  and  pity,  than  of  jeal- 
ousy and  envy. 

But  now  again  come  the  croaking  Stoics,  and  tell  me 
in  mood  and  figure,  that  nothing  is  more  miserable  than 
the  being  mad  :  but  the  being  a  fool  is  the  being  mad  : 
therefore  there  is  nothing  more  miserable  than  the  being 
a  fool.  Alas,  this  is  but  a  fallacy,  the  discovery  whereof 
solves  the  force  of  the  whole  syllogism.  Well  then,  they 
argue  subtlely,  'tis  true  ;  but  as  Socrates  in  Plato  makes 
two  Venuses  and  two  Cupids,  and  shows  how  their  ac- 
tions and  properties  ought  not  to  be  confounded  ;  so 
these  disputants,  if  they  had  not  been  mad  themselves, 
should  have  distinguished  between  a  double  madness  in 
others  :  and  there  is  certainly  a  great  difference  in  the 
nature  as  well  as  in  the  degrees  of  them,  and  they  are 
not  both  equally  scandalous  ;  for  Horace  seems  to  take 
delight  in  one  sort,  when  he  says  : — 

Does  welcome  frenzy  make  me  thus  mistake  ? 

And  Plato  in  his  Phaedon  ranks  the  madness  of  poets, 


134  THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY. 

of  prophets,  and  of  lovers  among  those  properties  which 
conduce  to  a  happy  life.  And  Virgil,  in  the  sixth 
^Eneid,  gives  this  epithet  to  his  industrious  ^Eneas  : — 

If  yoii  will  proceed  to  these  your  mad  attempts. 
And  indeed  there  is  a  two-fold  sort  of  madness  ;  the  one 
that  which  the  furies  bring  from  hell  ;  those  that  are 
herewith  possessed,  are  hurried  on  to  wars  and  conten- 
tions, by  an  inexhaustible  thirst  of  power  and  riches, 
inflamed  to  some  infamous  and  unlawful  lust,  enraged  to 
acl  the  parricide,  seduced  to  become  guilty  of  incest,  sac- 
rilege, or  some  other  of  those  crimson-dyed  crimes  ;  or, 
finally,  to  be  so  pricked  in  conscience  as  to  be  lashed 
and  stung  with  the  whips  and  snakes  of  grief  and  re- 
morse. But  there  is  another  sort  of  madness  that  pro- 
ceeds from  Folly,  so  far  from  being  any  way  injurious  or 
distasteful  that  it  is  thoroughly  good  and  desirable  ;  and 
this  happens  when  by  a  harmless  mistake  in  the  judg- 
ment of  things  the  mind  is  freed  from  those  cares  which 
would  otherwise  gratingly  afflict  it,  and  smoothed  over 
with  a  content  and  satisfaction  it  could  not  under  other 
circumstances  so  happily  enjoy. 

And,  this  is  that  comfortable  apathy  or  insensibleness 
which  Cicero,  in  an  epistle  to  his  friend  Atticus,  wishes 
himself  master  of,  that  he  might  the  less  take  to  heart 
those  insufferable  outrages  committed  by  the  tyrannizing 
triumvirate,  Lepidus,  Antonius,  and  Augustus. 

That  Grecian  likewise  had  a  happy  time  of  it,  who 
was  so  frantic  as  to  sit  a  whole  day  in  an  empty  theatre 
laughing,  shouting,  and  clapping  his  hands,  as  if  he 
had  really  seen  some  pathetic  tragedy  acted  to  the 
life,  when  indeed  all  was  no  more  than  the  strength  of 


The  Last  shall  be  First,  and  the  First,  Last. 


THE  PRAISE   OF   FOLLY.  139 

imagination,  and  the  effects  of  delusion,  while  in  all 
other  respects  the  same  person  behaved  himself  very 
discreetly,  was — 

Sweet  to  his  friends,  to  his  wife,  obliging,  kind, 

And  so  averse  from  a  revengeful  mind, 

That  had  his  men  unsealed  his  bottled  wine, 

He  would  not  fret,  nor  doggedly  repine. 
And  when  by  a  course  of  physic  he   was  recovered 
from  this  frenzy,  he  looked  upon  his  cure  so  far  from  a 
kindness,  that  he  thus  reasons  the  case  with  his  friends: 

This  remedy,  my  friends,  is  worse  i'  tK  main 
Than  the  disease,  the  cure  augments  the  pain  ; 
My  only  hope  is  a  relapse  again. 

And  certainly  they  were  the  more  mad  of  the  two  who 
endeavored  tp  bereave  him  of  so  pleasing  a  delirium,  and 
recall  all  the  aches  of  his  head  by  dispelling  the  mists 
of  his  brain. 

I  have  not  yet  determined  whether  it  be  proper  to  in- 
clude all  the  defects  of  sense  and  understanding  under 
the  common  genius  of  madness.  For  if  anyone  be  so 
short-sighted  as  to  take  a  mule  for  an  ass,  or  so  shallow- 
pated  as  to  admire  a  paltry  ballad  for  an  elegant  poem, 
he  is  not  thereupon  immediately  censured  as  mad.  But 
if  anyone  let  not  only  his  senses  but  his  judgment  be 
imposed  upon  in  the  most  ordinary  common  concerns, 
he  shall  come  under  the  scandal  of  being  thought  next 
door  to  a  madman.  As  suppose  any  one  should  hear  an 
ass  bray,  and  should  take  it  for  ravishing  music  ;  or  if 
any  one,  born  a  beggar,  should  fancy  himself  as  great  as 
a  prince,  or  the  like.  But  this  sort  of  madness,  if  (as  is 


140  THE  PRAISE  OF   FOLLY. 

most  usual)  it  be  accompanied  with  pleasure,  brings  a 
great  satisfaction  both  to  those  who  are  possessed  with  it 
themselves,  and  those  who  deride  it  in  others,  though 
they  are  not  both  equally  frantic.  And  this  species  of 
madness  is  of  larger  extent  than  the  world  commonly 
imagines.  Thus  the  whole  tribe  of  madmen  make  spor*; 
among  themselves,  while  one  laughs  at  another  ;  he  that 
is  more  mad  many  times  jeering  him  that  is  less  so. 

But  indeed  the  greater  each  man's  madness  is,  the 
greater  is  his  happiness,  if  it  be  but  such  a  sort  as  pro- 
ceeds from  an  excess  of  folly,  which  is  so  epidemical  a 
distemper  that  it  is  hard  to  find  any  one  man  so  uninfec- 
led  as  not  to  have  sometimes  a  fit  or  two  of  some  sort  of 
frenzy.  There  is  only  this  difference  between  the  several 
patients  :  He  that  shall  take  a  broom-stick  for  a  straight- 
bodied  woman  is  without  more  ado  sentenced  for  a  mad- 
man, because  this  is  so  strange  a  blunder  as  very  seldom 
happens  ;  whereas  he  whose  wife  is  a  common  jilt,  that 
keeps  a  warehouse  free  for  all  customers,  and  yet  swears 
she  is  as  chaste  as  an  untouched  virgin,  and  hugs  him- 
self in  his  contented  mistake,  is  scarce  taken  notice  of, 
because  he  fares  no  worse  than  a  great  many  more  of  his 
good-natured  neighbors.  Among  these  are  to  be  ranked 
such  as  take  an  immoderate  delight  in  hunting,  and 
think  no  music  comparable  to  the  sounding  of  horns 
and  the  yelping  of  beagles  ;  and  were  they  to  take  physic, 
would  without  question  think  the  most  sovereign  virtues 
to  be  in  the  album  Grcscum  of  a  dog's  excrements. 

When  they  have  run  down  their  game,  what  strange 
pleasure  they  take  in  cutting  of  it  up  !  Cows  and  sheep 
may  be  slaughtered  by  common  butchers,  but  what  is 


The  Lazy  Wretch. 


THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLI,Y.  143 

killed  in  hunting  must  be  broken  up  by  none  under  a 
gentleman,  who  shall  throw  down  his  hat,  fall  devoutly 
on  his  knees,  and  drawing  out  a  slashing  hanger  (for  a 
common  knife  is  not  good  enough),  after  several  ceremo- 
nies shall  dissect  all  the  parts  as  artificially  as  the  best 
anatomist,  while  all  that  stand  round  shall  look  very  in- 
tently, and  seem  to  be  mightily  surprised  with  the  nov- 
elty, though  they  have  seen  the  same  an  hundred  times 
before  ;  and  he  that  can  but  dip  his  finger,  and  taste  of 
the  blood,  shall  think  his  own  bettered  by  it ;  and 
though  the  constant  feeding  on  such  diet  does  but  assim- 
ilate them  to  the  nature  of  those  beasts  they  eat  of,  yet 
they  will  swear  that  venison  is  meat  for  princes,  and 
that  their  living  upon  it  makes  them  as  great  as 
emperors. 

Near  akin  to  these  are  such  as  take  a  great  fancy  for 
building.  They  raise  up,  pull  down,  begin  anew,  alter 
the  model,  and  never  rest  till  they  run  themselves  out 
of  their  whole  estate,  taking  up  such  a  compass  for 
buildings,  till  they  leave  themselves  not  one  foot  of  land 
to  live  upon,  nor  one  poor  cottage  to  shelter  themselves 
from  cold  and  hunger  ;  and  yet  all  the  while  are  mighty 
proud  of  their  contrivances,  and  sing  a  sweet  requiem  to 
their  own  happiness. 

To  these  are  to  be  added  those  plodding  virtuosos, 
that  plunder  the  most  inward  recesses  of  nature  for  the 
pillage  of  a  new  invention,  and  rake  over  sea  and  land 
for  the  turning  up  some  hitherto  latent  mystery  ;  and 
are  so  continually  tickled  with  the  hopes  of  success,  that 
they  spare  for  no  cost  nor  pains,  but  trudge  on,  and  upon 
a  defeat  in  one  attempt,  courageously  tack  about  to  an- 


144  THE  PRAISE  OF   FOLLY. 

other,  and  fall  upon  new  experiments,  never  giving  over 
till  they  have  calcined  their  whole  estate  to  ashes,  and 
have  not  money  enough  left  unmelted  to  purchase  one 
crucible  or  limbeck.  And  yet  after  all,  they  are  not  so 
much  discouraged,  but  that  they  dream  fine  things  still, 
and  influence  others  all  they  can  to  the  like  undertak- 
ings ;  nay,  when  their  hopes  come  to  the  last  gasp,  after 
all  their  disappointments,  they  have  yet  one  salvo  for 
their  credit,  that : — 

In  great  exploits  our  bare  attempts  suffice. 
And  so  inveigh  against  the  shortness  of  their  life,  which 
allows  them  not  time  enough  to  bring  their  designs  to 
maturity  and  perfection. 

Whether  dice-players  may  be  so  favorably  dealt  with 
as  to  be  admitted  among  the  rest,  is  scarce  yet  resolved 
upon  :  but  sure  it  is  hugely  vain  and  ridiculous,  when 
we  see  some  persons  so  devoutly  addicted  to  this  diver- 
sion, that  at  the  first  rattle  of  the  box  their  heart  shakes 
within  them,  and  keeps  consort  with  the  motion  of  the 
dice:  they  are  egged  on  so  long  with  the  hopes  of  always 
winning,  till  at  last,  in  a  literal  sense,  they  have  thrown 
away  their  whole  estate,  and  made  shipwreck  of  all  they 
have,  scarce  escaping  to  shore  with  their  own  clothes  to 
their  backs  ;  thinking  it  in  the  meanwhile  a  great  piece 
of  religion  to  be  just  in  the  payment  of  their  stakes,  and 
will  cheat  any  creditor  sooner  than  him  who  trusts  them 
in  play  :  and  that  poring  old  men,  that  cannot  tell  their 
cast  without  the  help  of  spectacles,  should  be  sweating 
at  the  same  sport  ;  nay,  that  such  decrepit  blades,  as  by 
the  gout  have  lost  the  use  of  their  fingers,  should  look 
over,  and  hire  others  to  throw  for  them.  This  indeed 


The  Dice  Players. 


Profusely  Lavish  in  Charity. 


THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY.  149 

is  prodigiously  extravagant  ;  but  the  consequence  of  it 
ends  so  oft  in  downright  madness,  that  it  seems  rather 
to  belong  to  the  furies  than  to  folly. 

The  next  to  be  placed  among  the  regiment  of  fools  are 
such  as  make  a  trade  of  telling  or  enquiring  after  incred- 
ible stories  of  miracles  and  prodigies  :  never  doubting 
that  a  lie  will  choke  them,  they  will  muster  up  a  thou- 
sand several  strange  relations  of  spirits,  ghosts,  appari- 
tions, raising  of  the  devil,  and  such  like  bugbears  of 
superstition,  which  the  farther  they  are  from  being  prob- 
ably true,  the  more  greedily  they  are  swallowed,  and  the 
more  devoutly  believed.  And  these  absurdities  do  not 
only  bring  an  empty  pleasure,  and  cheap  divertisement, 
but  they  procure  a  comfortable  income  to  such  priests 
and  friars  as  by  this  craft  get  their  gain.  To  these  again 
are  nearly  related  such  others  as  attribute  strange  virtues 
to  the  shrines  and  images  of  saints  and  martyrs,  and  so 
would  make  their  credulous  proselytes  believe,  that  if 
they  pay  their  devotion  to  St.  Christopher  in  the  morn- 
ing, they  shall  be  guarded  and  secured  the  day  follow- 
ing from  all  dangers  and  misfortunes  :  if  soldiers,  when 
they  first  take  arms,  shall  come  and  mumble  over  such 
a  set  prayer  before  the  picture  of  St.  Barbara,  they  shall 
return  safe  from  all  engagements  :  or  if  any  pray  to  Eras- 
mus on  such  particular  holidays,  with  the  ceremony  of 
wax  candles,  and  other  fopperies,  he  shall  in  a  short 
time  be  rewarded  with  a  plentiful  increase  of  wealth  and 
riches.  The  Christians  have  now  their  gigantic  St. 
George,  as  well  as  the  Pagans  had  their  Hercules  ;  they 
paint  the  saint  on  horseback,  and  picture  the  horse  in 
splendid  trappings,  very  gloriously  accoutred,  they 


150  THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY. 

scarce  refrain  in  a  literal  sense  from  worshiping  the  very 
beast. 

What  shall  I  say  of  such  as  cry  up  and  maintain  the 
cheat  of  pardons  and  indulgences  ?  that  by  these  com- 
pute the  time  of  each  soul's  residence  in  purgatory,  and 
assign  them  a  longer  or  shorter  continuance,  according 
as  they  purchase  more  or  fewer  of  these  paltry  pardons, 
and  saleable  exemptions  ?  Or  what  can  be  said  bad 
enough  of  others,  who  pretend  that  by  the  force  of  such 
magical  charms,  or  by  the  fumbling  over  their  beads  in 
the  rehearsal  of  such  and  such  petitions  (which  some  re- 
ligious impostors  invented,  either  for  diversion,  or  what 
is  more  likely,  for  advantage),  they  shall  procure  riches, 
honor,  pleasure,  health,  long  life,  a  lusty  old  age,  nay, 
after  death  a  sitting  at  the  right  hand  of  our  Saviour  in 
His  kingdom  ;  though  as  to  this  last  part  of  their  happi- 
ness, they  care  not  how  long  it  be  deferred,  having  scarce 
any  appetite  toward  a  tasting  the  joys  of  heaven,  till  they 
are  surfeited,  glutted  with,  and  can  no  longer  relish  their 
enjoyments  on  earth. 

By  this  easy  way  of  purchasing  pardons,  any  notorious 
highwayman,  any  plundering  soldier,  or  any  bribe-taking 
judge,  shall  disburse  some  part  of  their  unjust  gains,  and 
so  think  all  their  grossest  impieties  sufficiently  atoned 
for ;  so  many  perjuries,  lusts,  drunkenness,  quarrels, 
bloodsheds,  cheats,  treacheries,  and  all  sorts  of  debauch- 
eries, shall  all  be,  as  it  were,  struck  a  bargain  for,  and 
such  a  contract  made,  as  if  they  had  paid  off  all  arrears, 
and  might  now  begin  upon  a  new  score. 

And  what  can  be  more  ridiculous,  than  for  some  others 
to  be  confident  of  going  to  heaven  by  repeating  daily 


St.  Bernard  and  the  Devil. 


THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY.  153 

those  seven  verses  out  of  the  Psalms,  which  the  devil 
taught  St.  Bernard,  thinking  thereby  to  have  put  a  trick 
upon  him,  but  that  he  was  over-reached  in  his  cunning. 

Several  of  these  fooleries,  which  are  so  gross  and  ab- 
surd, as  I  myself  am  even  ashamed  to  own,  are  practised 
and  admired,  not  only  by  the  vulgar,  but  by  such  profi- 
cients in  religion  as  one  might  well  expect  should  have 
more  wit. 

The  custom  of  each  country  challenging  their  particu- 
lar guardian-saint,  proceeds  from  the  same  principles  of 
folly ;  nay,  each  saint  has  his  distinct  office  allotted  to 
him,  and  is  accordingly  addressed  to  upon  the  respective 
occasions  :  as  one  for  the  tooth-ache,  a  second  to  grant 
an  easy  delivery  in  child-birth,  a  third  to  recover  lost 
goods,  another  to  protect  seamen  in  a  long  voyage,  a 
fifth  to  guard  the  farmer's  cows  and  sheep,  and  so  on; 
for  to  rehearse  all  instances  would  be  extremely  tedious. 

There  are  some  more  catholic  saints  petitioned  to  upon 
all  occasions,  as  more  especially  the  Virgin  Mary,  whose 
blind  devotees  think  it  manners  now  to  place  the  mother 
before  the  son. 

And  of  all  the  prayers  and  intercessions  that  are  made 
to  these  respective  saints,  the  substance  of  them  is  no 
more  than  downright  Folly. 

Among  all  the  trophies  that  for  tokens  of  gratitude 
are  hung  upon  the  walls  and  ceilings  of  churches,  you 
shall  find  no  relics  presented  as  a  memorandum  of  any 
that  were  ever  cured  of  Folly,  or  had  been  made  one 
dram  the  wiser.  One  perhaps  after  shipwreck  got  safe 
to  shore  ;  another  recovered  when  he  had  been  run 
through  by  an  enemy  ;  one,  when  all  his  fellow-soldiers 


154  THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY. 

were  killed  upon  the  spot,  as  cunningly  perhaps  as  cow- 
ardly, made  his  escape  from  the  field  ;  another,  while 
he  was  a  hanging,  the  rope  broke,  and  so  he 'saved  his 
neck,  and  renewed  his  license  for  practicing  his  old  trade 
of  thieving  ;  another  broke  jail,  and  got  loose  ;  a  patient 
(against  his  physician's  will)  recovered  of  a  dangerous 
fever  ;  another  drank  poison,  which  putting  him  into  a 
violent  looseness,  did  his  body  more  good  than  harm,  to 
the  great  grief  of  his  wife,  who  hoped  upon  this  occasion 
to  have  become  a  joyful  widow  ;  another  had  his  wagon 
overturned,  and  yet  none  of  his  horses  lamed ;  another 
had  caught  a  grievous  fall,  and  yet  recovered  from  the 
bruise  ;  another  had  been  tampering  with  his  neighbor's 
wife,  and  escaped  very  narrowly  from  being  caught  by 
the  enraged  cuckold  in  the  very  act.  After  all  these 
acknowledgments  of  escapes  from  such  singular  dangers, 
there  is  none  (as  I  have  before  intimated)  that  returns 
thanks  for  being  freed  from  Folly  ;  Folly  being  so  sweet 
and  luscious,  that  it  is  rather  sued  for  as  a  happiness, 
than  deprecated  as  a  punishment.  But  why  should  I 
launch  out  into  so  wide  a  sea  of  superstitions  ? 
Had  I  as  many  tongues  as  Argus  eyes, 
Briareus  hands,  they  all  would  not  suffice 
Folly  in  all  her  shapes  f  epitomize. 

Almost  all  Christians  being  wretchedly  enslaved  to 
blindness  and  ignorance,  which  the  priests  are  so  far 
from  preventing  or  removing,  that  they  blacken  the 
darkness,  and  promote  the  delusion  ;  wisely  foreseeing 
that  the  people  (like  cows,  which  never  give  down  their 
milk  so  well  as  when  they  are  gently  stroked),  would 
part  with  less  if  they  knew  more,  their  bounty  proceed- 


The  Actor. 


THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY.  157 

ing  only  from  a  mistake  of  charity.  Now  if  any  grave, 
wise  man  should  stand  up,  and  unseasonably  speak  the 
truth,  telling  every  one  that  a  pious  life  is  the  only  way 
of  securing  a  happy  death  ;  that  the  best  title  to  a  pardon 
of  our  sins  is  purchased  by  a  hearty  abhorrence  of  our 
guilt,  and  sincere  resolutions  of  amendment ;  that  the 
best  devotion  which  can  be  paid  to  any  saints  is  to  imi- 
tate them  in  their  exemplary  life  ;  if  he  should  proceed 
thus  to  inform  them  of  their  several  mistakes,  there 
would  be  quite  another  estimate  put  upon  tears,  watch- 
ings,  masses,  fastings,  and  other  severities,  which  before 
were  so  much  prized,  as  persons  will  now  be  vexed  to 
lose  that  satisfaction  they  formerly  found  in  them. 

In  the  same  predicament  of  fools  are  to  be  ranked  such, 
as  while  they  are  yet  living,  and  in  good  health,  take  so 
great  a  care  how  they  shall  be  buried  when  they  die, 
that  they  solemnly  appoint  how  many  torches,  how 
many  escutcheons,  how  many  gloves  to  be  given,  and 
how  many  mourners  they  will  have  at  their  funeral;  as  if 
they  thought  they  themselves  in  their  coffins  could  be 
sensible  of  what  respect  was  paid  to  their  corpse  ;  or  as 
if  they  doubted  they  should  rest  a  whit  the  less  quiet 
in  the  grave  if  they  were  with  less  state  and  pomp 
interred. 

Now,  though  I  am  in  so  great  haste,  as  I  would  not 
willingly  be  stopped  or  detained,  yet  I  cannot  pass  by 
without  bestowing  some  remarks  upon  another  sort  of 
fools  ;  who,  though  their  first  descent  was  perhaps  no 
better  than  from  a  tapster  or  tinker,  yet  highly  value 
themselves  upon  their  birth  and  parentage.  One  fetches 
his  pedigree  from  ^Eneas,  another  from  Brute,  a  third 


158  THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY. 

from  king  Arthur  :  they  hang  up  their  ancestors'  worm- 
eaten  pictures  as  records  |of  antiquity,  and  keep  a  long 
list  of  their  predecessors,  with  an  account  of  all  their 
offices  and  titles,  while  they  themselves  are  but  tran- 
scripts of  their  forefathers'  dumb  statues,  and  degenerate 
even  into  those  very  beasts  which  they  carry  in  their 
coat  of  arms  as  ensigns  of  their  nobility  :  and  yet  by 
a  strong  presumption  of  their  birth  and  quality,  they 
live  not  only  the  most  unconcerned  lives  themselves, 
but  there  are  not  wanting  others  too  who  cry  up 
these  brutes  as  almost  equal  to  the  gods.  But  why 
should  I  dwell  upon  one  or  two  instances  of  Folly,  when 
there  are  so  many  of  like  nature.  Conceitedness  and 
self-love  making  many,  by  strength  of  Fancy,  believe 
themselves  happy,  when  otherwise  they  are  really 
wretched  and  despicable.  Thus  the  most  ape-faced, 
ugliest  fellow  in  the  whole  town,  shall  think  himself  a 
mirror  of  beauty  :  another  shall  be  so  proud  of  his  parts, 
that  if  he  can  but  mark  out  a  triangle  with  a  pair  of 
compasses,  he  thinks  he  has  mastered  all  the  difficulties 
of  geometry,  and  could  outdo  Euclid  himself.  A  third 
shall  admire  himself  for  a  ravishing  musician,  though 
he  have  no  more  skill  in  the  handling  of  any  instrument 
than  a  pig  has  of  playing  on  the  organ  :  and  another, 
that  rattles  in  the  throat  as  hoarse  as  a  cock  crows,  shall 
be  proud  of  his  voice,  and  think  that  he  sings  like  a 
nightingale. 

There  is  another  very  pleasant  sort  of  madness, 
whereby  persons  assume  to  themselves  whatever  of  ac- 
complishment they  discern  in  others.  Thus  the  happy 
rich  churl  in  Seneca,  who  had  so  short  a  memory,  that 


The  Grammarian. 


The  Restorative  of  Youth. 


THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY.  163 

he  could  not  tell  the  least  story  without  a  servant  stand- 
ing by  to  prompt  him,  and  was  at  the  same  time  so  weak 
that  he  could  scarce  go  upright,  yet  he  thought  he  might 
adventure  to  acccept  a  challenge  to  a  duel,  because  he 
kept  at  home  some  lusty,  sturdy  fellows,  whose  strength 
he  relied  upon  instead  of  his  own. 

It  is  almost  needless  to  insist  upon  the  several  profess- 
ors of  arts  and  sciences,  who  are  all  so  egregiously  con- 
ceited, that  they  would  sooner  give  up  their  title  to  an 
estate  in  lands,  than  part  with  the  reversion  of  their 
wits  :  among  these,  more  especially  stage-players,  mu- 
sicians, orators,  and  poets,  each  of  which,  the  more  of 
duncery  they  have,  and  the  more  of  pride,  the  greater  is 
their  ambition  :  and  how  notoriously  soever  dull  they  be, 
they  meet  with  their  admirers  ;  nay,  the  more  silly  they 
are  the  higher  they  are  extolled;  Folly  (as  we  have  before 
intimated)  never  failing  of  respect  and  esteem.  If  there- 
fore every  one,  the  more  ignorant  he  is,  the  greater  sat- 
isfaction he  is  to  himself,  and  the  more  commended  by 
others,  to  what  purpose  is  it  to  sweat  and  toil  in  the  pur- 
suit of  true  learning,  which  shall  cost  so  many  gripes 
and  pangs  of  the  brain  to  acquire,  and  when  obtained, 
shall  only  make  the  laborious  student  more  uneasy  to 
himself,  and  less  acceptable  to  others  ? 

As  nature  ,in  her  dispensation  of  conceitedness  has 
dealt  with  private  persons,  so  has  she  given  a  particular 
smatch  of  self-love  to  each  country  and  nation.  Upon 
this  account  it  is  that  the  English  challenge  the  prerog- 
ative of  having  the  most  handsome  women,  of  being  the 
most  accomplished  in  the  science  of  music,  and  of  keep- 
ing the  best  tables.  The  Scotch  brag  of  their  gentility, 


164  THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY. 

and  pretend  the  genius  of  their  native  soil  inclines  them 
to  be  good  disputants.  The  French  think  themselves 
remarkable  for  complaisance  and  good  breeding  ;  the 
Sorbonists  of  Paris  pretend  before  any  others  to  have 
made  the  greatest  proficiency  in  polemic  divinity.  The 
Italians  value  themselves  for  learning  and  eloquence  ; 
and,  like  the  Grecians  of  old,  account  all  the  world  bar- 
barians compared  to  themselves;  to  which  piece  of  vanity 
the  inhabitants  of  Rome  are  more  especially  addicted, 
pretending  themselves  to  be  owners  of  all  those  heroic 
virtues,  which  their  city  so  many  ages  since  was  deserv- 
edly famous  for.  The  Venitians  stand  upon  their  birth 
and  pedigree.  The  Grecians  pride  themselves  in  having 
been  the  first  inventors  of  most  arts,  and  in  their  country 
being  famed  for  the  product  of  so  many  eminent  philos- 
ophers. The  Turks,  and  all  the  other  refuse  of  Ma- 
hometanism,  pretend  they  profess  the  only  true  religion, 
and  laugh  at  all  Christians  for  superstitious,  narrow- 
souled  fools.  The  Jews  to  this  day  expect  their  Messias 
as  devoutly  as  they  believe  in  their  first  prophet  Moses. 
The  Spaniards  challenge  the  repute  of  being  accounted 
good  soldiers.  And  the  Germans  are  noted  for  their  tall, 
proper  stature,  and  for  their  skill  in  magic. 

But  not  to  mention  any  more,  I  suppose  you  are 
already  convinced  how  great  an  improvement  and  addi- 
tion to  the  happiness  of  human  life  is  occasioned  by  self- 
love  :  the  next  step  to  which  is  flattery  ;  for  as  self-love 
is  nothing  but  the  coaxing  up  of  ourselves,  so  the  same 
currying  and  humoring  of  others  is  termed  flattery. 

Flattery,  it  is  true,  is  now  looked  upon  as  a  scandalous 
name,  but  it  is  by  such  only  as  mind  words  more  than 


THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY.  167 

things.  They  are  prejudiced  against  it  upon  this  account, 
because  they  suppose  it  jostles  out  all  truth  and  sincerity, 
whereas  indeed  its  property  is  quite  contrary,  as  appears 
from  the  examples  of  several  brute  creatures.  What  is 
more  fawning  than  a  spaniel  ?  And  yet  what  animal  is 
more  faithful  to  its  master  ?  What  is  more  fond  and 
loving  than  a  tame  squirrel?  And  yet  what  is  more 
sportive  and  inoffensive?  This  little  frisking  creature 
is  kept  up  in  a  cage  to  play  withal,  while  lions,  tigers, 
leopards,  and  such  other  savage  emblems  of  rapine  and 
cruelty  are  shown  only  for  their  great  rarity,  and  other- 
wise yield  no  pleasure  to  their  respective  keepers. 

There  is  indeed  a  pernicious  and  destructive  sort  of 
flattery  wherewith  rookers  and  sharks  work  their  several 
ends  upon  such  as  they  can  make  a  prey  of,  by  decoying 
them  into  traps  and  snares  beyond  recovery.  But  that 
which  is  the  effect  of  folly  is  of  a  very  different  nature  ; 
it  proceeds  from  a  softness  of  spirit,  and  a  flexibleness  of 
good  humor,  and  comes  far  nearer  to  virtue  than  that 
other  extreme  of  friendship,  namely,  a  stiff,  sour,  dogged 
moroseness  :  it  refreshes  our  minds  when  tired,  enlivens 
them  when  melancholy,  reinforces  them  when  languish- 
ing, invigorates  them  when  heavy,  recovers  them  when 
sick,  and  pacifies  them  when  rebellious  :  it  puts  us  in  a 
method  of  procuring  friends,  and  learns  us  how  to  keep 
them  ;  it  entices  children  to  swallow  the  bitter  rudiments 
of  learning  ;  it  gives  a  new  ferment  to  the  almost  stag- 
nated souls  of  old  men  ;  it  both  reproves  and  inculcates 
principles  without  offence  under  the  mask  of  commenda- 
tion :  in  short,  it  makes  every  man  fond  and  indulgent 
of  himself,  which  is  indeed  no  small  part  of  each  man's 


1 68  THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY. 

happiness,  and  at  the  same  time  renders  him  obliging 
and  complaisant  in  all  company,  where  it  is  pleasant  to 
see  how  the  asses  rub  and  scratch  one  another. 

This  again  is  a  great  accomplishment  to  an  orator,  a 
greater  to  a  physician,  and  the  only  one  to  a  poet :  in 
fine,  it  is  the  best  sweetener  to  all  afflictions,  and  gives 
a  true  relish  to  the  otherwise  insipid  enjoyments  of  our 
whole  life.  "Aye,"  (say  you)  "  to  flatter  is  to  deceive  ; 
to  deceive  is  very  wrong  and  hurtful."  No,  rather  just 
the  reverse  ;  nothing  is  more  welcome  and  bewitching 
than  the  being  deceived.  They  are  much  to  be  blamed 
for  an  undistinguishing  head,  that  make  a  judgment  of 
things  according  to  what  they  are  in  themselves,  when 
their  whole  nature  consists  barely  in  the  opinions  that 
are  had  of  them. 

For  all  sublinary  matters  are  enveloped  in  such  a 
cloud  of  obscurity,  that  the  short-sightedness  of  human 
understanding,  cannot  pry  through  nor  arrive  at  any 
comprehensive  knowledge  of  them  :  hence  the  sect  of 
academic  philosophers  have  modestly  resolved,  that  all 
things  being  no  more  than  probable,  nothing  can  be 
known  as  certain  ;  or  if  there  could,  yet  it  would  but 
interrupt  and  abate  from  the  pleasure  of  a  more  happy 
gnorance.  Finally,  our  souls  are  so  fashioned  and 
moulded,  that  they  are  sooner  captivated  by  appearances 
than  by  real  truths  ;  of  which,  if  any  one  would  demand 
an  example,  he  may  find  a  familiar  one  in  churches, 
where,  if  what  is  delivered  from  the  pulpit  be  a  grave, 
solid,  rational  discourse,  all  the  congregation  grow  weary 
and  fall  asleep,  till  their  patience  be  released  ;  whereas, 
if  the  preacher  (pardon  the  impropriety  of  the  word,  the 


The  Two  Asses. 


THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY.  171 

prater  I  should  have  said)  be  zealous,  in  his  thumps  of 
the  cushion,  his  antic  gestures,  and  spends  his  time  in 
the  telling  of  pleasant  stories,  his  beloved  shall  then 
stand  up,  tuck  their  hair  behind  their  ears,  and  be  very 
devoutly  attentive. 

So  among  the  saints,  those  are  most  resorted  to  who 
are  most  romantic  and  fabulous  :  as  for  instance,  a  poetic 
St.  George,  a  St.  Christopher,  or  a  St.  Barbara,  shall  be 
oftener  prayed  to  than  St.  Peter,  St.  Paul,  nay,  perhaps 
than  Christ  himself ;  but  this,  it  is  possible,  may  more 
probably  be  referred  to  another  place. 

In  the  mean  while  observe  what  a  cheap  purchase  of 
happiness  is  made  by  the  strength  of  fancy.  For  whereas 
many  things  even  of  inconsiderable  value,  would  cost  a 
great  deal  of  pains  and  perhaps  pelf,  to  procure ;  opinion 
spares  charges,  and  yet  gives  us  them  in  as  ample  a 
manner  by  conceit,  as  if  we  possessed  them  in  reality. 
Thus  he  who  feeds  on  such  a  stinking  dish  of  fish,  as 
another  must  hold  his  nose  at  a  yard's  distance  from,  yet 
if  he  feed  heartily,  and  relish  them  palatably,  they  are 
to  him  as  good  as  if  they  were  freshly  caught  ;  whereas, 
on  the  other  hand,  if  any  one  be  invited  to  never  so 
dainty  a  joul  of  sturgeon,  if  it  go  against  his  stomach  to 
eat  any,  he  may  sit  a  hungry,  and  bite  his  nails  with 
greater  appetite  than  his  victuals.  If  a  woman  be  never 
so  ugly  and  nauseous,  yet  if  her  husband  can  but  think 
her  handsome,  it  is  all  one  to  him  as  if  she  really  were 
so  :  if  any  man  have  never  so  ordinary  and  disagreeable 
a  drawing,  yet  if  he  admires  the  excellency  of  it,  and 
can  suppose  it  to  have  been  drawn  by  some  old  Apelles, 
or  modern  Vandyke,  he  is  as  proud  of  it  as  if  it  had  really 


172  THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY. 

been  drawn  by  one  of  them.  I  knew  a  friend  of  mine 
that  presented  his  bride  with  several  false  and  counterfeit 
stones,  making  her  believe  that  they  were  real  jewels, 
and  cost  him  many  hundred  thousand  crowns.  Under 
this  impression  the  deluded  woman  was  as  choice  of  peb- 
bles and  painted  glass,  as  if  they  had  been  so  many  nat- 
ural rubies  and  diamonds,  while  the  subtle  husband 
saved  a  large  amount  in  his  pocket,  and  yet  made  his 
wife  as  well  pleased  as  if  he  had  been  at  ten  hundred 
times  the  cost.  What  difference  is  there  between  them 
that  in  the  darkest  dungeon  can  with  a  platonic  brain 
survey  the  whole  world  in  idea,  and  him  that  stands  in 
the  open  air,  and  takes  a  less  deluding  prospect  of  the 
universe  ?  If  the  beggar  in  L,ucian,  that  dreamt  he 
was  a  prince,  had  never  waked,  his  imaginary  kingdom 
had  been  as  great  as  a  real  one.  Between  him  therefore 
that  truly  is  happy,  and  him  that  thinks  himself  so, 
there  is  no  perceivable  distinction  ;  or  if  any,  the  fool 
has  the  better  of  it :  first,  because  his  happiness  costs 
him  less,  standing  him  only  in  the  price  of  a  single 
thought ;  and  then,  secondly,  because  he  has  more  fellow- 
companions  and  partakers  of  his  good  fortune  ;  for  no 
enjoyment  is  desirable  where  the  benefit  is  not  imparted 
to  others  ;  nor  is  any  one  station  in  life  desirable,  where 
we  can  have  no  converse  with  persons  of  the  same  con- 
dition with  ourselves  :  and  yet  this  is  the  hard  fate  of 
wise  men,  who  are  grown  so  scarce,  that  like  the  fabled 
Phoenix,  but  one  appears  in  an  age. 

The  Grecians,  it  is  true,  reckoned  up  seven  within 
the  narrow  precints  of  their  own  country  ;  yet  I  believe, 
were  they  to  cast  up  their  accounts  anew,  they  would  not 


Imaginary  Excellence. 


The  Juice  Yielding  Grape. 


THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY.  177 

find  a  half,  nay,  not  a  third  part,  of  one  in  far  larger 
extent. 

Farther,  when  among  the  several  good  properties  of 
Bacchus  this  is  looked  upon  as  the  chief,  namely,  thaf 
he  drowns  the  cares  and  anxieties  of  the  mind,  though  it 
be  indeed  but  for  a  short  time  ;  for  after  a  small  nap, 
when  our  brains  are  a  little  settled,  they  all  return  to 
their  former  corrodings.  How  much  greater  is  the  more 
durable  advantage  which  I  bring?  while  by  one  uninter- 
rupted state  of  being  drunk  in  conceit,  I  perpetually 
cajole  the  mind  with  riots,  revels,  and  all  the  excess  and 
energy  of  joy. 

Add  to  this,  that  I  am  so  communicative  and  bounti- 
ful, as  to  let  no  one  particular  person  pass  without  some 
token  of  my  favor ;  whereas  other  deities  bestow  their 
gifts  sparingly  to  their  elect  only.  Bacchus  has  not 
thought  fit  that  every  soil  should  bear  the  same  juice- 
yielding  grape  :  Venus  has  not  given  to  all  a  like  portion 
of  beauty  :  Mercury  endows  but  few  with  the  gift  of  a 
persuasive  eloquence  :  Hercules  gives  not  to  all  the  same 
measure  of  wealth  and  power  :  Jupiter  has  destined  but 
a  few  to  inherit  a  kingdom  :  Mars  in  battle  gives  but 
to  one  party  a  complete  victory  ;  and  often  he  makes 
them  both  losers  :  Apollo  answers  not  the  expectations 
of  all  who  consult  his  oracles  :  Jove  oft  thunders : 
Phoebus  sometimes  shoots  the  plague  or  some  other 
infectious  disease  at  the  point  of  his  darts:  and  Neptune 
swallows  down  remorselessly  many  who  trust  his 
treacherous  waves  :  not  to  mention  their  Ve-Jupiters, 
their  Plutos,  their  Ate,  goddess  of  loss,  their  evil  gen- 
iuses, and  such  other  monsters  of  divinity,  as  had  more 


178  THE  PRAISE  OF  FOIAY. 

of  the  hangman  than  the  god  in  them,  and  were  wor- 
shiped only  to  deprecate  that  hurt  which  used  to  be  in- 
flicted by  them  :  I  say,  not  to  mention  these,  I  am  that 
high  and  mighty  goddess,  whose  liberality  is  of  as  large 
an  extent  as  her  omnipotence  :  I  give  to  all  that  ask  :  I 
never  appear  sullen,  nor  out  of  humor,  nor  ever  demand 
any  atonement  or  satisfaction  for  the  omission  of  any 
ceremonious  punctilio  in  my  worship  :  I  do  not  storm 
or  rage,  if  mortals,  in  their  addresses  to  the  other  gods 
pass  me  by  unregarded,  without  the  acknowledgment  of 
any  respect  or  application  :  whereas  all  the  other  gods 
are  so  scrupulous  and  exact,  that  it  often  proves  less  dan- 
gerous manfully  to  despise  them,  than  sneakingly  to 
attempt  the  difficulty  of  pleasing  them.  Thus  some 
men  are  of  that  captious,  perverse  humor,  that  a  man 
had  better  be  wholly  strangers  to  them,  than  never  so 
intimate  friends. 

Well,  but  there  are  none  (say  you)  who  build  any 
altars,  or  dedicate  any  temple  to  Folly.  I  am  surprised 
(as  I  have  before  intimated)  that  the  world  should  be  so 
wretchedly  ungrateful.  But  I  am  so  good-natured  as  to 
pass  by  and  pardon  this  seeming  affront,  though  indeed 
the  charge  thereof,  as  unnecessary,  may  well  be  saved  ; 
for  to  what  purpose  should  I  demand  the  sacrifice  of 
frankincense,  cakes,  goats,  and  swine,  since  all  persons 
everywhere  pay  me  that  more  acceptable  service,  which 
all  divines  agree  to  be  more  effectual  and  meritorious, 
namely,  an  imitation  of  my  various  attributes?  I  do 
not  therefore  envy  Diana  for  having  her  altars  bedewed 
with  human  blood  :  I  think  myself  then  most  religiously 
adored,  when  my  respective  devotees  (as  is  their  usual 


The  Worship  of  Descent. 


An  Apostle. 


The  Strength  of  Fancy. 


THE   PRAISE  OF  FOLLY.  183 

custom)  conform  themselves  to  my  practice,  transcribe 
my  pattern,  and  so  live  the  copy  of  me — their  original. 
And  truly  this  pious  devotion  is  not  so  much  in  use 
among  Christians  as  is  much  to  be  wished  it  were  :  for 
how  many  zealous  votaries  are  there  that  pay  so  profound 
a  respect  to  the  Virgin  Mary,  as  to  place  lighted  tapers 
even  at  noon  day  upon  her  altars  ?  And  yet  how  few  of 
them  copy  after  her  untouched  chastity,  her  modesty, 
and  her  other  commendable  virtues,  in  the  imitation 
whereof  consists  the  truest  esteem  of  divine  worship  ? 
Farther,  why  should  I  desire  a  temple,  since  the  whole 
world  is  but  one  ample  continued  choir,  entirely  dedica- 
ted to  my  use  and  service  ?  Nor  do  I  want  worshipers 
at  any  place  where  the  earth  wants  not  inhabitants. 
And  as  to  the  manner  of  my  worship,  I  am  not  yet  so 
irrecoverably  foolish,  as  to  be  prayed  to  by  proxy,  and 
to  have  my  honor  intermediately  bestowed  upon  sense- 
less images  and  pictures,  which  quite  subvert  the  true 
end  of  religion  ;  while  the  unwary  supplicants  seldom 
distinguish  betwixts  the  things  themselves  and  the  ob- 
jects they  represent. 

The  same  respect  in  the  meanwhile  is  paid  to  me  in  a 
more  legitimate  manner  ;  for  to  me  there  are  as  many 
statues  erected  as  there  are  moving  fabrics  of  mortality  ; 
every  person,  even  against  his  own  will,  carrying  the 
image  of  me,  i.e.,  the  seal  of  Folly  instamped  upon 
his  countenance. 

I  have  not  therefore  the  least  tempting  inducement 
to  envy  the  more  seeming  state  and  splendor  of  the  other 
gods,  who  are  worshiped  at  set  times  and  places ;  as 
Phoebus  at  Rhodes,  Venus  in  her  Cyprian  isle,  Juno  in 


184  THE  PRAISE  OF 

the  city  of  Argos,  Minerva  at  Athens,  Jupiter  on  the 
hill  Olympus,  Neptune  at  Tarentum,  and  Priapus  in 
the  town  of  L,ampsacum  ;  while  my  worship  extending 
as  far  as  my  influence,  the  whole  world  is  my  one  altar, 
whereon  the  most  valuble  incense  and  sacrifice  is  perpet- 
ually offered  up. 

But  lest  I  should  seem  to  speak  this  with  more  of  con- 
fidence than  truth,  let  us  take  a  nearer  view  of  the  mode 
of  men's  lives,  whereby  it  will  be  rendered  more  appar- 
ently evident  what  largesses  I  everywhere  bestow,  and 
how  much  I  am  respected  and  esteemed  by  persons  from 
the  highest  to  the  lowest  quality.  For  the  proof  whereof, 
it  being  too  tedious  to  insist  upon  each  particular,  I  shall 
only  mention  such  in  general  as  are  most  worthy  the 
remark,  from  which  by  analogy  we  may  easily  judge  of 
the  remainder.  And  indeed  to  what  purpose  would  it 
be  singly  to  recount  the  commonality  and  rabble  of  man- 
kind, who  beyond  all  question  are  entirely  on  my  side  ? 
and  for  a  token  of  their  vassalage  do  wear  my  livery  in 
so  many  older  shapes,  and  more  newly  invented  modes 
of  Folly,  that  the  lungs  of  a  thousand  Democrituses 
would  never  hold  out  to  such  a  laughter  as  this  subje<5l 
would  excite  ;  and  to  these  thousand  must  be  super- 
added  one  more,  to  laugh  at  them  as  much  as  they  do 
at  the  other. 

It  is  indeed  almost  incredible  to  relate  what  mirth, 
what  sport,  what  diversion,  the  groveling  inhabitants 
here  on  earth  give  to  the  above-seated  gods  in  heaven  : 
for  these  exalted  deities  spend  their  fasting  sober  hours 
in  listening  to  those  petitions  that  are  offered  up,  and  in 
succoring  such  as  appeal  to  them  for  redress  ;  but  when 


THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY.  185 

they  have  imbibed  a  glass  of  nectar,  they  throw  off  all 
serious  concerns,  placing  themselves  on  the  ascent  of 
some  promontory  in  heaven,  and  from  thence  surveying 
the  little  mole-hill  of  earth.  And  trust  me,  there  cannot 
be  a  more  delightsome  prospect,  than  to  view  such  a 
theatre  so  stuffed  and  crammed  with  swarms  of  fools. 

One  falls  desperately  in  love,  and  the  more  he  is 
slighted  the  more  does  his  spaniel-like  passion  increase  ; 
another  is  wedded  to  wealth  rather  than  to  a  wife;  a 
fourth  is  haunted  with  a  jealousy  of  his  visiting  neigh- 
bors ;  another  sobs  and  roars,  and  plays  the  child,  for 
the  death  of  a  friend  or  relative  ;  and  lest  his  own  tears 
should  not  rise  high  enough  to  express  the  torrent  of  his 
grief,  he  hires  other  mourners  to  accompany  the  corpse 
to  the  grave,  and  sing  its  requiem  in  sighs  and  lamenta- 
tions ;  another  hypocritically  weeps  at  the  funeral  of  one 
whose  death  at  heart  he  rejoices  for  ;  here  a  gluttonous 
cormorant,  whatever  he  can  scrape  up,  thrusts  all  down 
his  throat  to  pacify  the  cryings  of  a  hungry  stomach  ; 
there  a  lazy  wretch  sits  yawning  and  stretching,  and 
thinks  nothing  so  desirable  as  sleep  and  idleness  ;  some 
are  extremely  industrious  in  other  men's  business,  and 
sottishly  neglectful  of  their  own;  some  think  themselves 
rich  because  their  credit  is  good,  though  they  can  never 
pay,  till  they  fail,  and  compound  for  their  debts  ;  one  is 
so  covetous  that  he  lives  poor  to  die  rich  ;  one  for  a  little 
uncertain  gain  will  venture  to  cross  the  roughest  seas, 
and  expose  his  life  for  the  purchase  of  a  livelihood  ;  an- 
other will  depend  on  the  plunders  of  war,  rather  than  on 
the  honest  gains  of  peace  ;  some  will  close  with  and 
humor  such  warm  old  blades  as  have  a  good  estate,  and  no 


1 86  THB  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY. 

children  of  their  own  to  bestow  it  upon;  others  practice 
the  same  art  of  wheedling  upon  good  old  women,  that  have 
hoarded  and  coffered  up  more  bags  than  they  know  how 
to  dispose  of  ;  both  of  these  sly  flatteries  make  fine  sport 
for  the  gods,  when  they  are  beaten  at  their  own  weapons, 
and  (as  oft  happens)  are  gulled  by  those  very  persons 
they  intended  to  make  a  prey  of. 

There  is  another  sort  of  base  scoundrels  in  gentility, 
such  obsequious  merchants,  who,  although  they  lie, 
swear,  cheat,  and  practice  all  the  intrigues  of  dishonesty, 
yet  think  themselves  no  way  inferior  to  persons  of  the 
highest  quality,  only  because  they  have  raked  together  a 
plentiful  estate  ;  and  there  are  not  wanting  such  insinu- 
ating hangers  on,  as  shall  caress  and  compliment  them 
with  the  greatest  respect,  in  hopes  of  going  snacks  in 
some  of  their  dishonest  gains.  There  are  others  so  in- 
fected with  the  philosophical  paradox  of  banishing  prop- 
erty, and  having  all  things  in  common,  that  they  make 
no  conscience  of  fastening  on,  and  purloining  whatever 
they  can  get,  and  converting  it  to  their  own  use  and 
possession  ;  there  are  some  who  are  rich  only  in  wishes, 
and  yet  while  they  barely  dream  of  vast  mountains  of 
wealth,  they  are  as  happy  as  if  their  imaginary  fancies 
were  real  truths  ;  some  put  on  the  best  side  outermost, 
and  starve  themselves  at  home  to  appear  gay  and  splen- 
did abroad  ;  one  with  an  open  handed  freedom  spends 
all  he  lays  his  fingers  on  ;  another  with  a  logic-fisted 
gripingness  catches  at  and  grasps  all  he  can  come  within 
the  reach  of;  one  apes  it  about  the  streets  to  court  pop- 
ularity ;  another  consults  his  ease,  and  sticks  to  the  con- 
finement of  a  chimney-corner  ;  many  others  are  tugging 


The  Pilgrim. 


THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY.  189 

hard  at  law  for  a  trifle,  and  drive  on  an  endless  suit,  only 
to  enrich  a  deferring  judge,  or  a  knavish  advocate  ;  one 
is  for  new-modeling  a  settled  government ;  another  is  for 
some  notably  heroic  attempt ;  and  a  third  by  all  means 
must  travel  a  pilgrim  to  Rome,  Jerusalem,  or  some  shrine 
of  a  saint  elsewhere,  though  he  have  no  other  business 
than  the  paying  of  a  formal  obsequious  visit,  leaving  his 
wife  and  children  to  fast,  while  he  himself,  forsooth,  is 
gone  to  pray. 

In  short,  if  (as  Lucian  fancies  Menippus  to  have  done 
heretofore,)  any  man  could  now  again  look  down  from 
the  orb  of  the  moon,  he  would  see  thick  swarms  as  it 
were  of  flies  and  gnats,  that  were  quarreling  with  each 
other,  jostling,  fighting,  fluttering,  skipping,  playing, — 
newly  produced  soon  after  decaying,  and  then  immedi- 
ately vanishing, — and  it  can  scarce  be  imagined  how 
many  tumults  and  tragedies  so  inconsiderate  a  creature 
as  man  doth  give  occasion  to,  and  that,  in  so  short  a 
space  as  the  small  span  of  human  life,  which  is  subject 
to  so  many  casualties  of  sword,  flame,  famine,  and  pesti- 
lence, which  often  sweeps  away  thousands  in  the  briefest 
periods  of  time. 

But  hold  ;  I  should  but  expose  myself  too  far,  and  in- 
cur the  guilt  of  being  roundly  laughed  at,  if  I  proceed  to 
enumerate  the  several  kinds  of  the  folly  of  the  vulgar. 
I  shall  confine  my  following  discourse,  therefore,  to  such 
only  as  challenge  the  repute  of  wisdom,  and  seemingly 
pass  for  men  of  the  soundest  intellects. 

And  among  these  the  Grammarians  present  themselves 
in  the  front, — a  sort  of  men  who  would  be  the  most  mis- 
erable, the  most  slavish,  and  the  most  hateful  of  all  per- 


IQO  THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY. 

sons,  if  I  did  not  in  some  way  alleviate  the  cares  and 
miseries  of  their  profession  by  blessing  them  with  a  be- 
witching sort  of  madness  :  for  they  are  not  only  liable 
to  those  five  curses,  which  they  so  oft  recite  from  the 
first  five  verses  of  Homer,  but  to  five  hundred  more  of  a 
worse  nature  ;  as  being  always  damned  to  thirst  and  hun- 
ger,— to  be  choked  with  dust  in  their  unswept  schools, 
(schools  shall  I  term  them,  or  rather  laboratories,  nay, 
bridewells,  and  houses  of  correction?)  to  wear  them- 
selves out  in  fret  and  drudgery  ;  to  be  deafened  with  the 
noise  of  gaping  boys  ;  and  in  short,  to  be  stifled  with 
heat  and  stench  ;  and  yet  they  cheerfully  endure  all 
these  inconveniences  and,  by  the  help  of  a  fond  conceit, 
they  think  themselves  as  happy  as  any  men  living  : 
taking  a  great  pride  and  delight  in  frowning  and  looking 
fierce  upon  the  trembling  urchins,  in  boxing  the  ears, 
slashing,  striking  with  the  ferula,  and  in  the  exercise  of 
all  their  other  methods  of  tyranny  ;  while  thus  lording 
it  over  a  parcel  of  young,  weak  chits,  they  imitate  the 
Cuman  ass,  and  think  themselves  as  stately  as  a  lion, 
that  domineers  over  all  the  inferior  herd.  Elevated  with 
this  conceit,  they  can  hold  filth  and  nastiness  to  be  an 
ornament  ;  reconcile  their  nose  to  the  most  intolerable 
smells  ;  and  finally  think  that  their  wretched  surround- 
ings are  the  most  pleasant  and  desirable  that  can  be 
conceived, — and  which  they  would  not  consent  to  ex- 
change for  the  jurisdiction  of  the  most  sovereign  poten- 
tate. And  they  are  yet  more  happy  by  a  strong  per- 
suasion of  their  own  parts  and  abilities  ;  for  thus  when 
their  employment  is  only  to  rehearse  silly  stories,  and 
poetical  fictions,  they  will  yet  think  themselves  wiser 


The  Professor. 


The  Fabulous  Story. 


The  Rich  Man. 


THE  PRAISE  OP  FOLLY.  195 

than  the  most  experienced  philosopher  ;  nay,  they  have 
an  art  of  making  ordinary  people,  (such  as  their  school 
boys'  fond  parents,)  think  them  as  considerable  as  their 
own  pride  has  made  them. 

Add  hereunto  this  other  sort  of  ravishing  pleasure. 
When  any  of  them  has  found  out  who  was  the  mother  of 
Anchises,  or  has  lighted  upon  some  old  unusual  word, 
such  as  bubsequa ;  bovinator ;  manticulator ;  or  other 
like  obsolete  cramp  terms  ;  or  can,  after  a  great  deal  of 
poring,  spell  out  the  inscription  of  some  battered  monu- 
ment ;  Lord,  what  joy,  what  triumph,  what  congratula- 
tions of  their  success,  as  if  they  had  conquered  Africa,  or 
taken  Babylon  the  Great ! 

When  they  recite  some  of  their  frothy,  bombastic  verses, 
if  any  happen  to  admire  them,  they  are  presently  flushed 
with  the  least  hint  of  commendation,  and  devoutly  thank 
Pythagoras  for  his  grateful  hypothesis,  whereby  they 
have  now  become  actuated  with  a  descent  of  Virgil's  po- 
etic soul.  Nor  is  any  divertisement  more  pleasant,  than 
when  they  meet  to  flatter  and  curry  one  another ;  yet 
they  are  so  critical,  that  if  any  one  happen  to  be  guilty 
of  the  least  slip,  or  seeming  blunder,  another  shall  pres- 
ently correct  him  for  it,  and  then  to  it  they  go  in  a 
tongue-combat,  with  all  the  fervor,  spleen,  and  eagerness 
imaginable.  May  Priscian  himself  be  my  enemy,  if  what 
I  am  now  going  to  say  be  not  exactly  true. 

I  knew  an  old  Sophister  that  was  a  Grecian,  a  latinist, 
a  mathematician,  a  philosopher,  a  musician,  and  all  to 
the  utmost  perfection  ;  who,  after  threescore  years'  ex- 
perience in  the  world,  had  spent  the  last  twenty  of  them 
only  in  drudging  to  conquer  the  criticisms  of  grammar, 


196  THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY. 

and  made  it  the  chief  part  of  his  prayers,  that  his  life 
might  be  so  long  spared  till  he  had  learned  how  rightly 
to  distinguish  betwixt  the  eight  parts  of  speech,  which 
no  grammarian,  whether  Greek  or  I<atin,  had  yet  accu- 
rately done.  If  any  have  chanced  to  place  that  as  a  con- 
junction which  ought  to  have  been  used  as  an  adverb,  it 
is  a  sufficient  cause  to  raise  an  alarm  for  doing  justice  to 
the  injured  word.  And  since  there  have  been  as  many 
several  grammars,  as  particular  grammarians  (nay,  more, 
for  Aldus  alone  wrote  five  distinct  grammars  for  his  own 
share),  the  schoolmaster  must  be  obliged  to  consult  them 
all,  sparing  for  no  time  nor  trouble,  though  never  so 
great,  lest  he  should  be  otherwise  posed  in  an  unobserved 
criticism,  and  so  by  an  irreparable  disgrace  lose  the  re- 
ward of  all  his  toil. 

It  is  indifferent  to  me  whether  you  call  this  folly  or 
madness,  since  you  must  needs  confess  that  it  is  by  my 
influence  these  school  tyrants,  though  in  never  so  despic- 
able a  condition,  are  so  happy  in  their  own  thoughts, 
that  they  would  not  change  fortunes  with  the  most  illus- 
trious Sophi  of  Persia. 

The  Poets,  however  somewhat  less  beholden  to  me, 
own  a  professed  dependence  on  me,  being  a  sort  of  law- 
less blades,  that  by  prescription  claim  a  license  to  a 
proverb,  while  the  whole  intent  of  their  profession  is 
only  to  smooth  up  and  tickle  the  ears  of  fools,  that  by 
mere  toys  and  fabulous  shams,  with  which,  (however 
ridiculous)  they  are  so  bolstered  up  in  an  airy  imagina- 
tion, as  to  win  for  themselves  an  everlasting  name,  and 
promise,  by  their  balderdash,  at  the  same  time  to  cele- 
brate the  never-dying  memory  of  others.  To  these  rap- 


THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY.  197 

turous  wits  self-love  and  flattery  are  never-failing  attend- 
ants ;  nor  do  any  prove  more  zealous  or  constant  devo- 
tees to  folly. 

The  Rhetoricians  likewise,  though  they  are  ambitious 
of  being  ranked  among  the  Philosophers,  yet  are  appar- 
ently of  my  faction,  as  appears  among  other  arguments, 
by  this  more  especially  ;  in  that  among  their  several 
topics  of  completing  the  art  of  oratory,  they  all  particu- 
larly insist  upon  the  knack  of  jesting,  which  is  one  spe- 
cies of  folly  ;  as  is  evident  from  the  books  of  oratory 
written  to  Herennius,  put  among  Cicero's  works,  but 
done  by  some  unknown  author  ;  and  in  Quintilian,  that 
great  master  of  eloquence,  there  is  one  entire  chapter 
used  in  describing  the  methods  of  raising  laughter.  In 
short,  they  may  well  attribute  a  great  efficacy  to  Folly, 
since  on  any  argument  they  may  use,  they  can  many 
times  triumph  by  a  slight  laugh  over  what  they  could 
never  seriously  confute. 

Of  the  same  gang  are  those  scribbling  fops,  who  think 
to  eternize  their  memory  by  setting  up  for  authors : 
among  which,  though  they  are  all  in  some  way  in- 
debted to  me,  yet  are  those  more  especially  so,  who 
spoil  paper  in  blotting  it  with  mere  trifles  and  im- 
pertinences. For  as  to  those  graver  drudgers  to  the 
press,  that  write  learnedly,  beyond  the  reach  of  an  ordi- 
nary reader,  who  dare  submit  their  labors  to  the  review 
of  the  most  severe  critic,  these  are  not  so  liable  to  be 
envied  for  their  honor,  as  to  be  pitied  for  their  toil  and 
slavery.  They  make  additions,  alterations,  blot  out, 
write  anew,  amend,  interline,  turn  it  upside  down,  and 
yet  can  never  please  their  fickle  judgment,  but  that  they 


198  THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY. 

shall  dislike  the  next  hour  what  they  penned  in  the  for- 
mer ;  and  all  this  to  purchase  the  airy  commendations 
of  a  few  critical  readers,  which  at  most  is  but  a  poor 
reward  for  all  their  fastings,  watchings,  confinements, 
and  brain-breaking  tortures  of  invention. 

Add  to  this  the  impairing  of  their  health,  the  weaken- 
ing  of  their  constitution,  their  contracting  sore  eyes,  or 
perhaps  turning  stark  blind  ;  their  poverty,  their  envy, 
their  debarment  from  all  pleasures,  their  hastening  on 
old  age,  their  untimely  death,  and  what  other  inconveni- 
ences of  a  like  or  worse  nature  can  be  thought  upon  ; 
and  yet  the  recompense  for  all  this  severe  penance  is  at 
best  no  more  than  a  mouthful  or  two  of  frothy  praise. 

These,  as  they  are  more  laborious,  so  are  they  less 
happy  than  those  other  hackneyed  scribblers  which  I 
first  mentioned,  who  never  stand  much  to  consider,  but 
write  what  comes  next  at  a  venture,  knowing  that  the 
more  silly  their  compositions  are,  the  more  will  they  be 
bought  up  by  the  greater  number  of  readers,  who  are 
fools  and  blockheads  ;  and  if  they  should  happen  to  be 
condemned  by  some  few  judicious  persons,  it  is  an  easy 
matter  by  clamor  to  drown  their  censure,  and  to  silence 
them  by  urging  the  more  numerous  commendations  of 
others.  They  are  yet  the  wisest  who  transcribe  whole 
discourses  from  others,  and  then  reprint  them  as  their 
own.  By  doing  so  they  make  a  cheap  and  easy  seizure 
to  themselves  of  that  reputation  which  cost  the  first  au- 
thor so  much  time  and  trouble  to  procure.  If  however, 
they  are  at  any  time  pricked  a  little  in  conscience  for 
fear  of  discovery,  they  console  themselves  with  this 
thought,  that  if  they  are  at  last  found  guilty  of  plagia- 


THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY.  199 

rism,  yet  at  least  for  some  time  they  have  enjoyed  the 
credit  of  passing  for  genuine  authors. 

It  is  a  pleasure  to  see  how  all  these  several  writers  are 
puffed  up  with  the  least  blast  of  applause,  especially  if 
they  come  to  the  honor  of  being  pointed  at  as  they  walk 
along  the  streets  ;  when  their  several  pieces  are  laid  open 
upon  every  bookseller's  stall,  when  their  names  are  em- 
bossed in  a  different  character  upon  the  title-page,  some- 
times only  with  the  two  first  letters,  and  sometimes  with 
fictitious  titles,  which  few  shall  understand  the  meaning 
of;  and  of  those  that  do,  all  shall  not  agree  in  their 
verdict  of  the  performance  ;  some  censuring,  others  ap- 
proving it,  men's  judgments  being  as  different  as  their 
palates, — that  being  toothsome  to  one  which  is  unsavory 
and  nauseous  to  another, — though  it  is  a  sneaking  piece 
of  cowardice  for  authors  to  put  feigned  names  to  their 
works,  as  if,  like  bastards  of  their  brain,  they  were  afraid 
to  own  them.  Thus  one  styles  himself  Telemachus, 
another  Stelenus,  a  third  Polycrates,  another  Thrasyma- 
chus,  and  so  on.  By  the  same  liberty  we  may  ransack 
the  whole  alphabet,  and  jumble  together  any  letters  that 
come  next  to  hand. 

It  is  farther  very  pleasant  when  these  coxcombs  em- 
ploy their  pens  in  writing  congratulatory  epistles,  poems 
and  panegyrics,  upon  each  other,  wherein  one  shall  be 
complimented  with  the  title  of  Alcaeus,  another  as  the 
incomparable  Callimachus  ;  this  shall  be  commended  as  a 
more  complete  orator  than  Tully  himself  ;  a  fourth  shall 
be  told  by  his  fellow-fool  that  the  divine  Plato  comes 
short  of  him  for  a  philosophic  soul.  Sometimes  again 
they  take  up  the  cudgels,  and  challenge  an  antagonist, 


2OO  THE   PRAISE  OF   FOLLY. 

and  so  get  a  name  by  a  combat  at  dispute  and  contro- 
versy while  the  unwary  readers  draw  sides  according  to 
their  different  judgments.  The  longer  the  quarrel  holds 
the  more  irreconcilable  it  grows  ;  and  when  both  parties 
are  weary,  they  each  pretend  themselves  the  conquerors, 
and  both  lay  claim  to  the  credit  of  coming  off  with 
victory. 

These  fooleries  make  sport  for  wise  men,  as  being 
highly  absurd,  ridiculous  and  extravagant.  True,  but 
yet  these  paper  combatants,  by  my  assistance,  are  so 
flushed  with  a  conceit  of  their  own  greatness,  that  they 
prefer  the  solving  of  a  syllogism  before  the  sacking  of 
Carthage  ;  and  upon  the  defeat  of  a  poor  objection  carry 
themselves  more  triumphantly  than  the  most  victorious 
Scipio. 

Nay,  even  the  learned  and  more  judicious,  that  have 
wit  enough  to  laugh  at  the  other's  folly,  are  very  much 
beholden  to  my  goodness,  which  (except  ingratitude  has 
drowned  their  ingenuity,)  they  must  be  ready  upon  all 
occasions  to  confess. 

Among  these  I  suppose  the  lawyers  will  shuffle  in  for 
precedence,  and  they  of  all  men  have  the  greatest  conceit 
of  their  own  abilities.  They  will  argue  as  confidently 
as  if  they  spoke  gospel  instead  of  law  ;  they  will  cite  you 
six  hundred  precedents,  though  not  one  of  them  come 
near  to  the  case  in  hand  ;  they  will  muster  up  the  au- 
thority of  judgments,  deeds,  glosses,  and  reports,  and 
tumble  over  so  many  musty  records,  that  they  make 
their  employment,  though  in  itself  easy,  the  greatest 
slavery  imaginable  ; — always  accounting  that  the  best 
plea  which  they  have  taken  the  most  pains  to  produce. 


The  Rhetorician. 


^^^ 


The  Divine. 


THE   PRAISE  OF   FOLLY.  205 

To  these,  as  bearing  a  great  resemblance  to  them,  may 
be  added  logicians  and  sophisters,  fellows  that  talk  as 
much  by  rote  as  a  parrot ;  who  shall  run  down  a  whole 
bevy  of  gossiping  old  women,  nay,  silence  the  very  noise 
of  a  belfry,  with  louder  clappers  than  those  of  the  steeple  ; 
and  if  their  unappeasable  clamorousness  were  their  only 
fault  it  would  admit  of  some  excuse  ;  but  they  are  at  the 
same  time  so  fierce  and  quarrelsome,  that  they  will  wran- 
gle bloodily  for  the  least  trifle,  and  be  so  over  intent  and 
eager,  that  they  many  times  lose  their  game  in  the 
chase,  and  fright  away  that  truth  they  are  hunting  for. 

Yet  self-conceit  makes  these  nimble  disputants  such 
doughty  champions,  that  armed  with  three  or  four  close- 
linked  syllogisms,  they  shall  enter  the  lists  with  the 
greatest  masters  of  reason,  and  not  question  the  foiling 
of  them  in  an  irresistible  baffle  :  nay,  their  obstinacy 
makes  them  so  confident  of  their  being  in  the  right,  that 
all  the  arguments  in  the  world  shall  never  convince  them 
to  the  contrary. 

Next  to  these  come  the  philosophers,  with  their  long 
beards  and  short  cloaks,  who  esteem  themselves  as  the 
only  favorites  of  wisdom,  and  look  upon  the  rest  of  man- 
kind as  the  dirt  and  rubbish  of  the  creation  ;  yet  these 
men's  happiness  is  only  a  frantic  craziness  of  brain. 
They  build  castles  in  the  air,  and  infinite  worlds  in  a 
vacuum.  They  will  give  you  to  a  hair's  breadth  the 
dimensions  of  the  sun,  moon,  and  stars,  as  easily  as  they 
would  that  of  a  flagon  or  pipkin  : — they  will  give  an 
elaborate  account  of  the  cause  of  thunder,  of  the  origin 
of  the  winds,  of  the  nature  of  eclipses,  and  of  the 
most  abstruse  difficulties  in  physics,  without  the  least 


206  THE  PRAISE  OF   FOLLY. 

demur  or  hesitation,  as  if  they  had  been  admitted  into 
the  cabinet  council  of  nature,  or  had  been  eye-witnesses 
to  all  the  methods  of  creation  ;  though  in  facl:  nature 
does  but  laugh  at  all  their  puny  conjectures  :  for  they 
never  yet  made  one  considerable  discovery,  as  appears 
from  the  fact  that  on  no  single  point  of  the  smallest 
moment  have  they  unanimously  agreed  ;  nothing  being 
so  plain  or  evident  but  that  by  some  one  it  is  opposed 
and  contradicted. 

But  although  they  are  ignorant  of  the  unknown  cause 
of  the  least  insect's  life,  they  vaunt  however,  and  brag 
that  they  know  all  things,  when  indeed  they  are  unable 
to  construe  the  mechanism  of  their  own  bodies  :  nay, 
when  they  are  so  purblind  as  not  to  be  able  to  see  a 
stone's  cast  before  them,  yet  they  shall  be  as  sharp- 
sighted  as  possible  in  spying-out  ideas,  universals,  sepa- 
rate forms,  first  matters,  quiddities,  formalities,  and  a 
hundred  such  like  niceties,  so  diminutively  small,  that 
were  not  their  eyes  extremely  magnifying,  all  the  art  of 
optics  could  never  make  them  discernible. 

But  they  most  despise  the  low,  groveling  vulgar  when 
they  bring  out  their  parallels,  triangles,  circles,  and 
other  mathematical  figures,  drawn  up  in  battalia,  like  so 
many  spells  and  charms  of  conjuration  in  muster,  with 
letters  to  refer  to  the  explication  of  the  several  problems  ; 
hereby  raising  devils  as  it  were,  only  to  have  the  credit 
of  laying  them,  and  exciting  the  wonder  of  the  ordinary 
spectators,  because  they  have  not  wit  enough  to  under- 
stand the  juggle. 

Of  these  some  undertake  to  profess  themselves  judicial 
astrologers,  pretending  to  have  correspondence  with  the 


The  Sophist. 


THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY.  209 

stars,  and  so  from  their  information  can  resolve  any 
query  ;  and  though  it  is  all  but  a  presumptuous  impos- 
ture, yet  some  to  be  sure  will  be  such  great  fools  as  to 
believe  them. 

The  divines  present  themselves  next ;  but  it  may  per- 
haps be  most  safe  to  pass  them  by,  and  not  to  touch  upon 
so  harsh  a  string  as  this  subject  would  afford.  Besides, 
the  undertaking  may  be  very  hazardous,  for  they  are  a 
sort  of  men  generally  very  hot  and  passionate ;  and  should 
I  provoke  them,  I  doubt  not  would  set  upon  me  with  a 
full  cry,  and  force  me  with  shame  to  recant,  which  if  I 
stubbornly  refused  to  do,  they  would  presently  brand  me 
for  a  heretic,  and  thunder  out  an  excommunication, 
which  is  their  spiritual  weapon  to  wound  such  as  lift  up 
a  hand  against  them. 

It  is  true,  no  men  own  a  less  dependence  on  Folly,  yet 
have  they  reason  to  confess  themselves  indebted  for  no 
small  obligations.  For  it  is  by  one  of  my  properties,  self- 
love,  that  they  fancy  themselves,  with  their  elder  brother 
Paul,  caught  up  into  the  third  heaven,  from  whence, 
like  shepherds  indeed,  they  look  down  upon  their  flocks, 
(the  laity,)  grazing  as  it  were,  in  the  vales  of  the  world 
below.  They  fence  themselves  in  with  so  many  sur- 
rounders  of  magisterial  definitions,  conclusions,  corolla- 
ries, propositions  explicit  and  implicit,  that  there  is  no 
falling  in  with  them  ;  or  if  they  do  chance  to  be  urged 
to  a  seeming  non-plus,  yet  they  find  out  so  many  eva- 
sions, that  all  the  art  of  man  can  never  bind  them  so  fast, 
but  that  an  easy  distinction  shall  give  them  a  starting- 
hole  to  escape  the  scandal  of  being  baffled. 

They  will  cut  asunder  the  toughest  argument  with  as 


310  THE  PRAISE  OF  FOW.Y. 

much  ease  as  Alexander  did  the  Gordian  knot ;  they  will 
thunder  out  so  many  rattling  terms  as  shall  affright  an 
adversary  into  conviction.  They  are  exquisitely  dexter- 
ous in  unfolding  the  most  intricate  mysteries  ;  they  will 
tell  you  to  a  tittle  all  the  successive  proceedings  of  Om- 
nipotence in  the  creation  of  the  universe  ;  they  will  ex- 
plain the  precise  manner  of  original  sin  being  derived 
from  our  first  parents;  they  will  satisfy  you  in  what  man- 
ner, by  what  degrees,  and  in  how  long  a  time,  our  Savior 
was  conceived  in  the  Virgin's  womb,  and  demonstrate  in 
the  consecrated  wafer  how  accidents  may  subsist  without  a 
subject.  Nay,  these  are  accounted  trivial,  easy  questions ; 
they  have  yet  far  greater  difficulties  behind,  which,  not- 
withstanding, they  solve  with  as  much  expedition  as 
the  former  ;  as  namely,  whether  supernatural  genera- 
tion requires  any  instant  of  time  for  its  acting  ?  whether 
Christ,  as  a  son,  bears  a  double  and  specifically  distinct 
relation  to  God  the  Father,  and  his  virgin  mother? 
whether  this  proposition  is  possible  to  be  true,  that  the 
first  person  of  the  Trinity  hated  the  second?  whether 
God  who  took  our  nature  upon  him  in  the  form  of  a  man, 
could  as  well  have  become  a  woman,  a  devil,  a  beast,  an 
herb,  or  a  stone?  and  if  it  were  possible  that  if  the  God- 
head had  appeared  in  any  shape  of  an  inanimate  sub- 
stance, how  he  should  then  have  preached  his  gospel  ? 
or  how  have  been  nailed  to  the  cross  ?  whether  if  St. 
Peter  had  celebrated  the  eucharist  at  the  same  time  our 
Savior  was  hanging  on  the  cross,  the  consecrated  bread 
would  have  been  transubstantiated  into  the  same  body 
that  remained  on  the  tree  ?  whether  in  Christ's  corporal 
presence  in  the  sacramental  wafer,  his  humanity  be  not 


The  Schoolman. 


THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY.  213 

abstracted  from  his  Godhead  ?  whether  after  the  resur- 
rection we  shall  carnally  eat  and  drink  as  we  do  in  this 
life? 

There  are  a  thousand  other  more  sublimated  and  re- 
fined niceities  of  notions,  relations,  quantities,  formalities, 
quiddities,  hsecceities,  and  such  like  abstrusities,  as  one 
would  think  no  one  could  pry  into,  except  he  had  not 
only  such  cat's  eyes  as  to  see  best  in  the  dark,  but  even 
such  a  piercing  faculty  as  to  see  through  an  inch-board, 
and  spy  out  what  really  never  existed. 

Add  to  these  some  of  their  tenets  and  beliefs,  which 
are  so  absurd  and  extravagant,  that  the  wildest  fancies 
of  the  Stoics,  which  they  so  much  disdain  and  decry  as 
paradoxes,  seem  in  comparison  just  and  rational;  as  their 
maintaining,  that  it  is  a  less  aggravating  fault  to  kill  a 
hundred  men,  than  for  a  poor  cobbler  to  set  a  stitch  on 
the  sabbath-day  ;  or,  that  it  is  more  justifiable  to  do  the 
greatest  injury  imaginable  to  others,  than  to  tell  the  least 
lie  ourselves. 

And  these  subtleties  are  alchemized  to  a  more  refined 
sublimate  by  the  abstracting  brains  of  their  several 
schoolmen  ;  the  Realists,  the  Nominalists,  the  Thomists, 
the  Albertists,  the  Occamists,  the  Scotists  ;  and  these 
are  not  all,  but  the  rehearsal  of  a  few  only,  as  a  speci- 
men of  their  divided  sects  ;  in  each  of  which  there  is 
so  much  of  deep  learning,  so  much  of  unfathomable  dif- 
ficulty, that  I  believe  the  apostles  themselves  would 
stand  in  need  of  a  jiew  illuminating  spirit,  if  they  were 
to  engage  in  any  controversy  with  these  new  divines. 

St.  Paul,  without  question,  had  a  full  measure  of  faith, 
yet  when  he  lays  down  faith  to  be  the  substance  of  things 


214  THE   PRAISE  OF  FOLLY. 

not  seen,  these  men  carp  at  it  for  an  imperfect  definition, 
and  would  undertake  to  teach  the  apostles  better  logic. 
Thus,  the  same  holy  author  wanted  for  nothing  of  the 
grace  of  charity,  yet,  say  they,  he  describes  and  defines 
it  but  very  inaccurately  when  he  treats  of  it  in  the  thir- 
teenth chapter  of  his  first  Epistle  to  the  Corinthians. 

The  primitive  disciples  were  very  frequent  in  admin- 
istering the  holy  sacrament,  breaking  bread  from  house 
to  house  ;  yet  should  they  be  asked  of  the  Terminus  a 
quo  and  the  Terminus  ad  quern,  the  nature  of  transub- 
stantiation  ?  the  possibility  of  one  body  being  in  several 
different  places  at  the  same  time  ?  the  difference  betwixt 
the  several  attributes  of  Christ  in  heaven,  on  the  cross, 
and  in  the  consecrated  bread  ?  what  time  is  required  for 
the  transubstantiating  of  the  bread  into  flesh?  how  it 
can  be  done  by  a  short  sentence  pronounced  by  the  priest, 
which  sentence  is  a  species  of  discreet  quantity,  that  has 
no  permanent  punctu m  ? 

Were  they  asked,  (I  say,)  these  and  several  other  con- 
fused queries,  I  do  not  believe  they  could  answer  so 
readily  as  our  mincing  school-men  now-a-days  take  a 
pride  in  doing. 

They  were  well  acquainted  with  the  Virgin  Mary,  yet 
none  of  them  undertook  to  prove  that  she  was  preserved 
immaculate  from  original  sin,  as  some  of  our  divines 
now  very  hotly  contend  for. 

St.  Peter  had  the  keys  of  heaven  given  to  him,  and 
that  by  our  Savior  himself,  who  had  never  entrusted 
him  except  he  had  known  him  capable  of  their  manage- 
ment and  custody  ;  and  yet  it  is  much  to  be  questioned 
whether  Peter  was  sensible  of  that  subtle^  broached  by 


THE  PRAISE   OF   FOLLY.  215 

Scotus,  that  he  may  have  the  key  of  knowledge  effectu- 
ally for  others  who  has  no  knowledge  actually  in  him- 
self. 

Again,  they  baptized  all  nations,  and  yet  never  taught 
what  was  the  formal,  material,  efficient,  and  final  cause 
of  baptism,  and  certainly  never  dreamt  of  distinguishing 
between  a  delible  and  an  indelible  character  in  this  sac- 
rament. 

They  worshiped  in  the  spirit,  following  their  master's 
injunction,  ' '  God  is  a  spirit,  and  they  which  worship  him, 
must  worship  him  in  spirit  and  in  truth  ; ' '  yet  it  does 
not  appear  that  it  was  ever  revealed  to  them  how  divine 
adoration  should  be  paid  at  the  same  time  to  our  blessed 
Savior  in  heaven,  and  to  his  picture  here  below  on  a 
wall,  drawn  with  arm  extended,  two  fingers  held  out,  a 
bald  crown,  and  a  circle  round  his  head. 

To  reconcile  these  intricacies  to  an  appearance  of  rea- 
son, requires  three-score  years  in  the  study  of  meta- 
physics. 

Farther,  the  apostles  often  mention  Grace,  yet  never 
distinguish  between  gratia,  gratis  data,  and  gratia 
gratificans.  They  earnestly  exhort  us  likewise  to  good 
works,  yet  never  explain  the  difference  between  Opus 
operans,  and  Opus  operatum.  They  very  frequently 
press  and  invite  us  to  seek  after  charity,  without  dividing 
it  into  infused  and  acquired,  or  determining  whether  it 
be  a  substance  or  an  accident,  a  created  or  an  uncreated 
being.  They  detested  sin  themselves,  and  warned 
others  from  the  commission  of  it ;  and  yet  I  am  sure 
they  could  never  have  defined  so  dogmatically,  as  the 
Scotists  have  since  done. 


2l6  THE  PRAISE  OF   FOLLY. 

St.  Paul,  who  in  other's  judgment  is  no  less  the  chief 
of  the  apostles  than  he  was  in  his  own  the  chief  of  sin- 
ners, who  being  bred  at  the  feet  of  Gamaliel,  was  cer- 
tainly more  eminently  a  scholar  than  any  of  the  rest, 
yet  he  often  exclaims  against  vain  philosophy,  warns  us 
from  debating  about  questions  and  strifes  of  words,  and 
charges  us  to  avoid  profane  and  vain  babblings,  and  op- 
positions of  science,  falsely  so  called;  which  he  would 
not  have  done,  if  he  had  thought  it  worth  his  while  to 
have  become  acquainted  with  them,  which  he  might 
soon  have  been, — the  disputes  of  that  age  being  but 
small,  and  mere  intelligible  sophisms,  in  comparison  to 
the  vastly  greater  intricacies  they  are  now  improved  into. 
But  yet,  however,  our  scholastic  divines  are  so  modest, 
that  if  they  meet  with  any  passage  in  St.  Paul,  or  any 
other  penman  of  holy  writ,  not  modeled  or  critically  dis- 
posed of  as  they  could  wish,  they  will  not  roughly  con- 
demn it,  but  bend  it  rather  to  a  favorable  interpretation, 
out  of  reverence  to  antiquity,  and  respect  to  the  holy 
scriptures  ;  though  indeed  it  were  unreasonable  to  ex- 
peel;  anything  of  this  nature  from  the  apostles,  whose 
lord  and  master  had  given  unto  them  to  know  the  mys- 
teries of  God,  but  not  those  of  philosophy. 

If  the  same  divines  meet  with  anything  of  like  nature 
unpalatable  in  St.  Chrysostom,  St.  Basil,  St.  Hierom,  or 
others  of  the  fathers,  they  will  not  hesitate  to  appeal 
from  their  authority,  and  even  to  resolve  that  they  lay 
under  a  mistake. 

Yet  these  ancient  fathers  were  they  who  confuted  both 
the  Jews  and  Heathen,  though  they  both  obstinately 
adhered  to  their  respective  prejudices  ;  they  confuted 


The  Prayer  for  Forgiveness. 


THE   PRAISE  OF  FOLLY.  219 

them,  I  say,  yet  rather  by  their  virtuous  lives  and  good 
works  than  by  words  and  syllogisms  :  and  the  persons 
they  thus  proselyted  were  downright  honest,  well  mean- 
ing people,  such  as  understood  plain  sense  better  than 
any  artificial  pomp  of  reasoning  :  whereas  if  our  divines 
should  now  set  about  the  gaining  of  converts  from  pa- 
ganism by  their  mataphysical  subtleties,  they  would 
find  that  most  of  the  persons  they  applied  themselves  to 
were  either  so  ignorant  as  not  at  all  to  apprehend  them, 
or  so  impudent  as  to  scoff  and  deride  them  ;  or  finally, 
so  well  skilled  at  the  same  weapons,  that  they  would  be 
able  to  keep  their  pass,  and  fence  off  all  assaults  of  con- 
viction :  and  in  this  last  way  the  victory  would  be  alto- 
gether as  hopeless,  as  if  two  persons  were  combating,  of 
so  equal  strength  and  dexterity,  that  it  were  impossible 
that  either  one  should  overpower  the  other. 

If  my  judgment  may  be  taken,  I  would  advise  Chris- 
tians, in  their  next  expedition  to  a  holy  war,  instead  of 
those  many  unsuccessful  legions,  which  they  have  hith- 
erto sent  to  encounter  the  Turks  and  Saracens,  that  they 
would  furnish  out  their  clamorous  Scotists,  their  obsti- 
nate Occamists,  their  invincible  Albertists,  and  all  their 
forces  of  tough,  crabbed  and  profound  disputants  :  the 
engagement,  I  fancy,  would  be  mighty  pleasant,  and  the 
victory  we  may  imagine  unquestionably  on  our  side. 
For  which  of  the  enemies  would  not  veil  their  turbans 
at  so  solemn  an  appearance  ?  Which  of  the  fiercest 
Janizaries  would  not  throw  away  his  scimitar,  and  all 
the  half-moons  be  eclipsed  by  the  interposition  of  so 
glorious  an  army  ? 

I  suppose  you  mistrust  I  speak  all  this  by  way  of  jeer 


22O  THE  PRAISE   OF  FOLLY. 

and  irony  ;  and  well  I  may,  since  among  divines  them- 
selves there  are  some  so  ingenuous  as  to  despise  these 
captious  and  frivolous  impertinences.  They  look  upon  it 
as  a  kind  of  profane  sacrilege,  and  a  little  less  than  blas- 
phemous impiety,  to  determine  of  such  niceties  in  relig- 
ion, as  ought  rather  to  be  the  subject  of  an  humble  and 
uncontradidling  faith,  than  of  a  scrupulous  and  inquisi- 
tive reason.  They  abhor  defiling  the  mysteries  of  Chris- 
tianity with  an  intermixture  of  heathenish  philosophy, 
and  judge  it  very  improper  to  reduce  divinity  to  an 
obscure  speculative  science,  whose  end  is  such  a  happi- 
ness as  can  be  gained  only  by  the  means  of  practice. 

But,  alas,  those  notional  divines,  however  condemned 
by  the  soberer  judgment  of  others,  are  yet  mightily 
pleased  with  themselves,  and  are  so  laboriously  intent 
upon  prosecuting  their  crabbed  studies,  that  they  cannot 
afford  so  much  time  as  to  read  a  single  chapter  in  any 
one  book  of  the  whole  bible. 

And  while  they  thus  trifle  away  their  misspent  hours 
in  trash  and  babble,  they  think  they  support  the  church 
with  the  props  and  pillars  of  propositions  and  syllogisms, 
no  less  effectually  than  Atlas  is  feigned  by  the  poets 
to  sustain  on  his  shoulders  the  burden  of  a  tottering 
world.  Their  privileges,  too,  and  authority  are  very 
considerable.  They  can  deal  with  any  text  of  scrip- 
ture as  with  a  nose  of  wax,  knead  it  into  what  shape 
best  suits  their  interest  ;  and  whatever  conclusions 
they  have  dogmatically  resolved  upon,  they  would 
have  them  as  irrepealably  ratified  as  Solon's  laws, 
and  in  as  absolute  force  as  the  very  decrees  of  the  papal 
chair.  If  any  be  so  bold  as  to  remonstrate  against  their 


<SS". 

Upholding  the  World. 


Jove  and  Vulcan. 


THE   PRAISE  OF   FOLLY.  225 

decisions,  they  will  bring  him  on  his  knees  to  a  recan- 
tation of  his  impudence. 

They  shall  pronounce  as  irrevocably  as  an  oracle  :  this 
proposition  is  scandalous, — that  irreverant  ;  this  has  a 
smack  of  heresy,  and  that  is  bald  and  improper  ;  so  that 
it  is  not  the  being  baptized  into  the  church,  the  believ- 
ing of  the  scriptures,  the  giving  credit  to  St.  Peter,  St. 
Paul,  St.  Hierom,  St.  Augustin,  nay,  or  to  St.  Thomas 
Aquinas  himself,  that  shall  make  a  man  a  Christian, 
except  he  have  the  joint  suffrage  of  these  novices  in 
learning,  who  have  blessed  the  world  no  doubt  with  a 
great  many  discoveries,  which  had  never  come  to  light 
had  they  not  struck  the  fire  of  subtlety  out  of  the  flint  of 
obscurity.  These  fooleries  must  surely  be  a  happy  em- 
ployment. 

Farther,  they  make  as  many  partitions  and  divisions 
in  hell  and  purgatory,  and  describe  as  many  different 
sorts  and  degrees  of  punishment,  as  if  they  were  very 
well  acquainted  with  the  soil  and  situation  of  those  in- 
fernal regions. 

And  to  prepare  a  seat  for  the  blessed  above,  they  in- 
vent new  orbs,  and  a  stately  empyrean  heaven,  so  wide 
and  spacious  as  if  they  had  purposely  contrived  it,  that 
the  glorified  saints  might  have  room  enough  to  walk, 
to  feast,  or  to  take  any  recreation. 

With  these  and  a  thousand  more  such  like  toys,  their 
heads  are  more  stuffed  and  swelled  than  Jove,  when  he 
went  big  of  Pallas  in  his  brain,  and  was  forced  to  use 
the  midwifery  of  Vulcan's  axe  to  ease  him  of  his  teem- 
ing burden. 

Do  not  wonder,  therefore,  that  at  public  disputations 


226  THE  PRAISE  OF 

they  bind  their  heads  with  so  many  caps  one  over  an- 
other; for  this  is  to  prevent  the  loss  of  their  brains, 
which  would  otherwise  break  out  from  their  uneasy 
confinement. 

It  affords  likewise  a  pleasant  scene  of  laughter,  to  lis- 
ten to  these  divines  in  their  hotly  managed  disputations, 
to  see  how  proud  they  are  of  talking  such  hard  gibber- 
ish, and  stammering  out  such  blundering  distinctions, 
as  the  auditors  perhaps  may  sometimes  gape  at,  but  sel- 
dom comprehend. 

And  they  take  such  a  liberty  in  their  speaking  of 
I^atin,  that  they  scorn  to  stick  to  the  exactness  of  syntax 
or  concord  ;  pretending  it  is  below  the  majesty  of  a  divine 
to  talk  like  a  pedagogue,  and  be  tied  to  the  slavish  ob- 
servance of  the  rules  of  grammar. 

Finally,  they  take  a  vast  pride,  among  other  citations, 
to  allege  the  authority  of  their  respected  master,  whose 
word  they  bear  as  profound  a  respecl  to  as  the  Jews  did 
to  their  ineffable  tetragrammaton,  and  therefore  they 
will  be  sure  never  to  write  it  otherwise  than  in  great 
letters,  MAGISTER  NOSTER ;  and  if  any  happen 
to  invert  the  order  of  the  words,  and  say,  noster  magister 
instead  of  magister  noster,  they  will  presently  exclaim 
against  him  as  a  pestilent  heretic  and  underminer  of  the 
catholic  faith. 

The  next  to  these  are  another  sort  of  brainless  fools, 
who  style  themselves  monks,  or  members  of  religious 
orders,  though  they  assume  both  titles  very  unjustly  : 
for  as  to  the  last,  they  have  very  little  religion  in  them  ; 
and  as  to  the  former,  the  etymology  of  the  word  monk 
implies  a  solitariness,  or  being  alone  ;  whereas  they  are 


John,  the  Baptist. 


THE   PRAISE  OF  FOLLY.  .     229 

so  thick  abroad  that  we  cannot  pass  any  street  or  alley  { 
without  meeting  them  :  and  I  cannot  imagine  which 
degree  of  men  would  be  more  hopelessly  wretched 
if  I  did  not  stand  their  friend,  and  buoy  them  up  in  that 
lake  of  misery,  which  by  the  engagements  of  a  religious 
vow  they  have  voluntarily  immerged  themselves  into. 

But  when  these  sort  of  men  are  so  unwelcome  to  oth- 
ers, as  that  the  very  sight  of  them  is  thought  ominous,  I 
yet  make  them  highly  in  love  with  themselves,  and  fond 
admirers  of  their  own  happiness.  The  first  step  where- 
unto  they  esteem  a  profound  ignorance,  thinking  carnal 
knowledge  a  great  enemy  to  their  spiritual  welfare,  and 
seem  confident  of  becoming  greater  proficients  in  divine 
mysteries,  the  less  they  are  influenced  with  any  human, 
learning. 

They  imagine  that  they  bear  a  sweet  consort  with  the 
heavenly  choir,  when  they  tone  out  their  daily  tally  of 
psalms,  which  they  rehearse  only  by  rote,  without  per- 
mitting their  understanding  or  affections  to  go  along 
with  their  voice. 

Among  these,  some  make  a  good  and  profitable  trade 
by  beggary,  going  about  from  house  to  house,  not  like 
the  apostles,  to  break,  but  to  beg,  their  bread;  nay,  they 
thrust  themselves  into  all  public-houses,  come  aboard 
the  passage-boats,  get  into  the  traveling  wagons,  and 
omit  no  opportunity  of  time  or  place  for  craving  people's 
charity,  and  doing  a  great  deal  of  injury  to  common  high- 
way beggars  by  interfering  with  their  traffic  of  alms. 

And  when  they  are  thus  voluntarily  poor,  destitute, 
not  provided  with  two  coats,  nor  with  any  money  in 
their  purse,  they  have  the  impudence  to  pretend  that 


23°  THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY. 

they  imitate  the  first  disciples,  whom  their  master  ex- 
pressly sent  out  in  such  an  equipage. 

It  is  amusing  to  observe  how  they  regulate  all  their 
actions,  as  it  were  by  weight  and  measure,  to  so  exact  a 
proportion,  as  if  the  whole  loss  of  their  religion  depended 
upon  the  omission  of  the  least  punctilio. 

Thus,  they  must  be  very  critical  in  the  precise  num- 
ber of  knots  requisite  for  tying  on  their  sandals  ;  what 
distinct  colors  their  respective  habits  should  be,  and  of 
what  material  made  ;  how  broad  and  long  their  girdles  ; 
how  big,  and  in  what  fashion,  their  hoods  ;  whether 
their  bald  crowns  be  to  a  hair's-breadth  of  the  right  cut ; 
how  many  hours  they  must  sleep,  at  what  minute  rise  to 
prayers,  etc. 

And  these  several  customs  are  altered  according  to  the 
humors  of  different  persons  and  places. 

While  they  are  sworn  to  the  superstitious  observance 
of  these  trifles,  they  not  only  despise  all  others,  but  are 
even  inclined  to  fall  out  among  themselves  ;  for  though 
they  make  profession  of  an  apostolical  charity,  yet  they 
will  pick  a  quarrel,  and  be  implacably  passionate  for  such 
slight  provocations  as  for  putting  on  a  coat  the  wrong 
way,  for  wearing  clothes  a  little  too  dark  in  color,  or  any 
such  nicety  not  worth  speaking  of. 

Some  are  so  obstinately  superstitious  that  they  will 
wear  their  upper  garment  of  some  coarse  dog's  hair  stuff, 
and  that  next  theii  skin  as  soft  as  silk  :  but  others  on 
the  contrary,  will  have  linen  frocks  outermost,  and  their 
shirts  of  wool,  or  hair.  Some  again  will  not  touch  a 
piece  of  money,  though  they  make  no  scruple  of  the 
sin  of  drunkenness,  and  the  lust  of  the  flesh. 


THE  PRAISE  OP  FOLLY.  33! 

All  their  several  orders  are  mindful  of  nothing  more 
than  of  their  being  distinguished  from  each  other  by 
their  different  costumes  and  habits.  They  seem  indeed 
not  so  careful  of  becoming  like  Christ,  and  of  being 
known  to  be  his  disciples,  as  the  being  unlike  to  one  an- 
other, and  distinguishable  for  followers  of  their  several 
founders. 

A  great  part  of  their  religion  consists  in  their  title. 
Some  will  be  called  Cordeliers,  and  these  subdivided  into 
Capuchines,  Minors,  Minims,  and  Mendicants  ;  some 
again  are  styled  Benedictines,  others  of  the  order  of  St. 
Bernard,  others  of  that  of  St.  Bridget  ;  some  are  Augus- 
tin  Monks,  some  Willielmites,  and  others  Jacobists,  as  if 
the  common  name  of  Christian  were  too  mean  and 
vulgar. 

Most  of  them  place  their  greatest  stress  for  salvation 
on  a  strict  conformity  to  their  foppish  ceremonies,  and  a 
belief  of  their  legendary  traditions  ;  wherein  they  fancy 
to  have  acquitted  themselves  with  so  much  of  superero- 
gation, that  one  heaven  can  never  be  a  condign  reward 
for  their  meritorious  life  ;  little  thinking  that  the  Judge 
of  all  the  earth  at  the  last  day  shall  put  them  off,  with  a 
who  hath  required  these  things  at  your  hands  ;  and  call 
them  to  account  only  for  the  stewardship  of  his  legacy, 
which  was  the  precept  of  love  and  charity. 

It  will  be  interesting  to  hear  their  pleas  before  the 
great  tribunal  :  one  will  brag  how  he  mortified  his  car- 
nal appetite  by  feeding  only  upon  fish  :  another  will  urge 
that  he  spent  most  of  his  time  on  earth  in  the  divine  ex- 
ercise of  singing  psalms  :  a  third  will  tell  how  many 
days  he  fasted,  and  what  severe  penance  he  imposed  on 


232  THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY. 

himself  for  the  bringing  his  body  into  subjection  :  an- 
other shall  produce  in  his  own  behalf  as  many  ceremo- 
nies as  would  load  a  fleet  of  merchantmen  :  a  fifth  shall 
plead  that  in  threescore  years  he  never  so  much  as 
touched  a  piece  of  money,  except  he  fingered  it  through 
a  thick  pair  of  gloves  :  a  sixth,  to  testify  his  former  hu 
mility,  shall  bring  'along  with  him  his  sacred  hood,  so 
old  and  nasty,  that  any  seaman  had  rather  stand  bare- 
headed on  the  deck,  than  put  it  on  to  defend  his  ears  in 
the  sharpest  storms  :  the  next  that  comes  to  answer  for 
himself  shall  plead,  that  for  fifty  years  together,  he  had 
lived  like  a  sponge  upon  the  same  place,  and  was  content 
never  to  change  his  homely  habitation  :  another  shall 
whisper  softly,  and  tell  the  judge  he  has  lost  his  voice 
by  a  continual  singing  of  holy  hymns  and  anthems  :  the 
next  shall  confess  how  he  fell  into  a  lethargy  by  a  strict, 
reserved,  and  sedentary  life  ;  and  the  last  shall  intimate 
that  he  has  forgotten  to  speak,  by  having  always  kept 
silence,  in  obedience  to  the  injunction  of  taking  heed 
lest  he  should  have  offended  with  his  tongue. 

But  amidst  all  their  fine  excuses  our  Savior  shall  in- 
terrupt them  with  this  answer,  "  Woe  unto  you,  scribes 
and  pharisees,  hypocrites,  verily  I  know  you  not  ;  I  left 
you  but  one  precept,  of  loving  one  another,  which  I  do 
not  hear  any  one  plead  he  has  faithfully  discharged  ;  I 
told  you  plainly  in  my  gospel,  without  any  parable,  that 
my  father's  kingdom  was  prepared  not  for  such  as  should 
lay  claim  to  it  by  austerities,  prayers,  or  fastings,  but  for 
those  who  should  render  themselves  worthy  of  it  by  the 
exercise  of  faith,  and  the  offices  of  charity  :  I  cannot 
own  such  as  depend  on  their  own  merits  without  a  reli- 


The  Monk  with  the  Sacred  Hood. 


THE  PRAISE  OF   FOLLY.  235 

r.nce  on  my  mercy  :  as  many  of  you  therefore  as  trust  to 
the  broken  reeds  of  your  own  deserts  may  even  go  and 
search  out  a  new  heaven,  for  you  shall  never  enter  into 
that,  which  from  the  foundations  of  the  world  was  pre- 
pared only  for  such  as  are  true  of  heart." 

When  these  monks  and  friars  shall  meet  with  such  a 
shameful  repulse,  and  see  that  ploughmen  and  mechan- 
ics are  admitted  into  that  kingdom,  from  which  they 
themselves  are  shut  out,  how  sneakingly  will  they  look, 
and  how  pitifully  slink  away  ? 

Yet  till  this  last  trial  they  had  more  comfort  of  a  future 
happiness,  because  more  hopes  of  it,  than  any  other  class 
of  men.  And  these  persons  are  not  only  great  in  their  own 
eyes,  but  highly  esteemed  and  respected  by  others,  es- 
pecially those  of  the  order  of  mendicants,  whom  none 
dare  to  offer  any  affront  to,  because  as  confessors  they  are 
intrusted  with  all  the  secrets  of  particular  intrigues, 
which  they  are  bound  by  oath  not  to  discover  ;  yet  many 
times,  when  they  are  almost  drunk,  they  cannot  keep 
their  tongue  so  far  within  their  head,  as  not  to  be  bab- 
bling out  some  hints,  and  showing  themselves  so  full, 
that  they  are  in  pain  to  be  delivered. 

If  any  person  give  them  the  least  provocation  they 
will  surely  be  revenged  on  him,  and  in  their  next  public 
harangue  will  give  him  such  shrewd  hints  and  reflec- 
tions, that  the  whole  congregation  must  needs  take  no- 
tice at  whom  they  are  leveled  ;  nor  will  they  ever  desist 
from  this  way  of  declaiming,  till  their  mouth  be  stopped 
with  a  bribe  to  hold  their  tongue. 

All  their  preaching  is  mere  stage-playing,  and  their 
delivery  the  very  transports  of  ridicule  and  drollery. 


236  THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY. 

Good  Lord!  how  inimical  are  their  gestures?  What 
heights  and  falls  in  their  voices  ?  What  toning,  what 
bawling,  what  singing,  what  squeaking,  what  grimaces; 
making  of  mouths,  apes'  faces,  and  distorting  of  their 
countenances  ;  and  this  art  of  oratory,  as  a  choice  mys- 
tery, they  convey  down  by  tradition  to  succeeding  ages. 

The  manner  of  it,  I  may  adventure,  thus  farther  to 
enlarge  upon. 

First,  in  a  kind  of  mockery,  they  implore  the  Divine 
assistance,  which  they  borrowed  from  the  solemn  custom 
of  the  poets  :  then  their  text,  (suppose  it  be  of  Charity), 
they  shall  take  their  exordium  as  far  off  as  from  a  de- 
scription of  the  river  Nile  in  Egypt;  or  if  they  are  to 
discourse  of  the  Mystery  of  the  Cross,  they  shall  begin 
with  a  story  of  Bell  and  the  Dragon ;  or  perchance,  if 
their  subjedl  be  of  Fasting,  for  an  entrance  to  their 
sermon  they  shall  pass  through  the  Twelve  Signs  of 
the  Zodiac ;  or  lastly,  if  they  are  to  preach  of  Faith, 
they  shall  address  themselves  in  a  long  mathematical 
account  of  the  Quadrature  of  the  Circle. 

I  myself  once  heard  a  great  fool  (a  great  scholar  I 
would  have  said)  undertaking  in  a  laborious  discourse  to 
explain  the  mystery  of  the  Holy  Trinity  ;  in  the  un- 
folding whereof,  that  he  might  show  his  wit  and  reading, 
and  also  satisfy  itching  ears,  he  proceeded  in  a  new 
method,  as  by  insisting  on  the  letters,  syllables,  and 
proposition, — on  the  concord  of  noun  and  verb,  and  that 
of  noun  substantive,  and  noun  adjective. 

The  auditors  all  wondered,  and  some  mumbled  to 
themselves  that  hemistitch  of  Horace  : 

all  this  needless  trash? 


Bell  and  the  Dragon. 


THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY.  239 

But  at  last  he  brought  it  thus  far,  that  he  could  dem- 
onstrate the  whole  Trinity  to  be  represented  by  these 
first  rudiments  of  grammar,  as  clearly  and  plainly  as  it 
was  possible  for  a  mathematician  to  draw  a  triangle  in 
the  sand  :  and  for  the  making  of  this  grand  discovery, 
this  subtle  divine  had  plodded  so  hard  for  eight  months 
together,  that  he  studied  himself  as  blind  as  a  beetle, 
the  intenseness  of  the  eye  of  his  understanding  overshad- 
owing and  extinguishing  that  of  his  body  ;  and  yet  he 
did  not  at  all  repent  him  of  his  blindness,  but  thinks  the 
loss  of  his  sight  an  easy  purchase  for  the  gain  of  glory 
and  credit. 

I  heard  at  another  time  a  grave  divine,  of  fourscore 
years  of  age  at  least,  so  sour  and  hard-favored,  that  one 
would  be  apt  to  mistrust  that  he  was  Scotus  Redivivus  ; 
he  taking  upon  him  to  treat  of  that  mysterious  name, — 
JESUS, — did  very  subtly  pretend  that  in  the  very  letters 
was  contained,  whatever  could  be  said  of  it  :  for  first,  its 
being  declined  with  only  three  cases,  did  expressly  point 
out  the  trinity  of  persons,  then  that  the  nominative 
ended  in  S,  the  accusative  in  M,  and  the  ablative  in  U, 
did  imply  some  unspeakable  mystery,  z/z>.,  that  in  words 
of  those  initial  letters  Christ  was  the  summus,  or  begin- 
ning, the  mediuS)  or  middle,  and  the  ultimus,  or  end  of 
all  things. 

There  was  yet  a  more  abstruse  riddle  to  be  explained, 
which  was  by  dividing  the  word  JESUS  into  two  parts, 
and  separating  the  S  in  the  middle  from  the  two  extreme 
syllables,  making  a  kind  of  pentameter,  the  word  con- 
sisting of  five  letters  :  and  this  intermedial  S  being  in 
the  Hebrew  alphabet  called  sin,  which  in  the  English 


240  THE   PRAISE  OF  FOLLY. 

language  signifies  what  the  Latins  term  peccatum,  was 
urged  to  imply  that  the  holy  Jesus  should  purify  us  from 
all  sin  and  wickedness. 

Thus  did  the  pulpiteer  cant,  while  all  the  congregation, 
especially  the  brotherhood  of  divines,  were  so  surprised 
at  his  odd  way  of  preaching,  that  wonder  served  them, 
as  grief  did  Niobe,  and  almost  turned  them  into  stones. 
I  among  the  rest  (as  Horace  describes  Priapus  viewing 
the  enchantments  of  the  two  sorceresses,  Canidia  and 
Sagane)  could  no  longer  endure,  but  let  fly  a  report  of 
the  effect  it  had  upon  me. 

These  impertinent  introductions  are  not  without 
reason  condemned  ;  for  of  old,  whenever  Demosthenes 
among  the  Greeks,  or  Tully  among  the  Latins,  began 
their  orations  with  so  great  a  digression  from  the  matter 
in  hand,  it  was  always  looked  upon  as  improper  and  in- 
elegant, and  indeed,  were  such  a  long-fetched  exordium 
any  token  of  a  good  invention,  shepherds  and  ploughmen 
might  lay  claim  to  the  title  of  men  of  greatest  parts, 
since  upon  any  argument  it  is  easiest  for  them  to  talk 
about  what  is  least  to  the  purpose. 

These  preachers  think  their  preamble  (as  we  may  well 
term  it,)  to  be  the  most  fashionable,  when  it  is  farthest 
from  the  subject  they  propose  to  treat  of,  while  each 
auditor  sits  and  wonders  what  they  drive  at,  and  many 
times  mutters  out  the  complaint  of  Virgil  : — 
"  Whither  doth  all  this  jargon  tend?  " 

In  the  third  place,  when  they  come  to  the  division  of 
their  text,  they  shall  give  only  a  very  short  interpretation 
of  the  words,  when  a  fuller  explication  of  their  sense 
ought  to  have  been  their  only  province. 


THE  PRAISE  OF  FOU.Y.  241 

Fourthly,  after  they  are  a  little  entered,  they  shall 
start  some  theological  queries,  far  enough  off  from  the 
matter  in  hand,  and  bandy  it  about  pro  and  con  till  they 
lose  it  in  the  heat  of  the  scuffle.  And  here  they  shall 
cite  their  doctors  invincible,  subtle,  seraphic,  cherubic, 
holy,  irrefragable,  and  such  like  great  names  to  confirm 
their  several  assertions.  Then  out  they  bring  their  syl- 
logisms, their  majors,  their  minors,  conclusions,  corolla- 
ries, suppositions,  and  distinctions,  that  will  sooner 
terrify  the  congregation  into  an  amazement,  than  per- 
suade them  into  a  conviction. 

Now  comes  the  fifth  act,  in  which  they  must  exert 
their  utmost  skill  to  come  off  with  applause.  Here, 
therefore,  they  fall  a  telling  some  sad  lamentable  story 
out  of  their  legend,  or  some  other  fabulous  history,  and 
this  they  descant  upon  allegorically,  tropologically,  and 
analogically  ;  and  so  they  draw  to  a  conclusion  of  their 
discourse,  which  is  a  more  brain  sick  chimera  than  ever 
Horace  could  describe  in  his  De  Arte  Poetica,  when  he 

began  : 

Humano  Capiti,  &c. 

Their  praying  is  altogether  as  ridiculous  as  their 
preaching  ;  for  imagining  that  in  their  addresses  to 
heaven  they  should  set  out  in  a  low  and  tremulous  voice, 
as  a  token  of  dread  and  reverence,  they  begin  therefore 
with  such  a  soft  whispering  as  if  they  were  afraid  any 
one  should  overhear  what  they  said  ;  but  when  they  are 
gone  a  little  way,  they  clear  up  their  pipes  by  degrees, 
and  at  last  bawl  out  so  loud  as  if,  with  Baal's  priests, 
they  were  resolved  to  awake  a  sleeping  god  ;  and  then 
again,  being  told  by  rhetoricians  that  heights  and  falls, 


242  THE  PRAISE   OF   FOLLY. 

and  a  different  cadency  in  pronunciation,  is  a  great  ad- 
vantage to  the  setting  off  any  thing  that  is  spoken,  they 
will  sometimes  as  it  were  mutter  their  words  inwardly, 
and  then  of  a  sudden  hollo  them  out,  and  be  sure  at  last 
to  finish  in  such  a  flat,  faltering  tone  as  if  their  spirits 
were  spent,  and  they  had  run  themselves  out  of  breath. 
Lastly,  they  have  read  that  most  systems  of  rhetoric 
treat  of  the  art  of  exciting  laughter  ;  therefore,  for  the 
effecting  of  this,  they  will  sprinkle  some  jests  and  puns 
that  must  pass  for  ingenuity,  though  they  are  only  the 
froth  and  folly  of  affectedness.  Sometimes  they  will 
nibble  at  the  wit  of  being  satirical,  though  their  utmost 
spleen  is  so  toothless,  that  they  suck  rather  than  bite, 
tickle  rather  than  scratch  or  wound:  nor  do  they  ever  flat- 
ter more  than  at  such  times  as  they  pretend  to  speak 
with  greatest  freedom. 

Finally,  all  their  actions  are  so  buffoonish  and  inimical, 
that  any  would  judge  they  had  learned  all  their  tricks  of 
mountebanks  and  stage  players,  who  in  action  it  is  true 
may  perhaps  outdo  them,  but  in  oratory  there  is  so  little 
odds  between  both,  that  it  is  hard  to  determine  which 
seems  of  longest  standing  in  the  schools  of  eloquence. 
Yet  these  preachers,  however  ridiculous,  meet  with  such 
hearers,  who  admire  them  as  much  as  the  people  of 
Athens  did  Demosthenes,  or  the  citizens  of  Rome  could 
do  Cicero  :  among  which  admirers  are  chiefly  shopkeep- 
ers, and  women,  whose  approbation  and  good  opinion 
they  only  court  ;  because  the  first,  if  they  are  humored, 
give  them  some  snacks  out  of  unjust  gain,  and  the  last 
come  and  confess  to  them  with  great  regularity,  and 
receive  in  return  advice,  comfort  and  consolation. 


King  David. 


THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY.  245 

Thus  much  I  suppose  may  suffice  to  make  you  sensible 
how  much  these  cell-hermits  and  recluses  are  indebted 
to  my  bounty  ;  who  when  they  tyrannize  over  the  con- 
sciences of  the  deluded  laity  with  fopperies,  juggles,  and 
impostures,  yet  think  themselves  as  eminently  pious  as 
St.  Paul,  St.  Anthony,  or  any  other  of  the  saints  ;  but 
these  stage-divines,  not  less  ungrateful  disowners  of 
their  obligations  to  folly,  than  they  are  impudent  pre- 
tenders to  the  profession  of  piety,  I  willingly  take  my 
leave  of,  and  pass  now  to  kings,  princes,  and  courtiers, 
who  paying  me  a  devout  acknowledgment,  may  justly 
challenge  back  the  respect  of  being  mentioned  and  taken 
notice  of  by  me. 

And  first,  had  they  wisdom  enough  to  make  a  true 
judgment  of  things,  they  would  find  their  own  condition 
to  be  more  despicable  and  slavish  than  that  of  their  most 
menial  subjects.  For  certainly  none  can  esteem  perjury 
or  parricide  a  cheap  purchase  for  a  crown,  if  he  doth  but 
seriously  reflect  upon  that  weight  of  cares  a  princely  dia- 
dem is  loaded  with. 

He  that  sits  at  the  helm  of  government  acts  in  a  pub- 
lic capacity,  and  so  must  sacrifice  all  private  interest  to 
the  attainment  of  the  common  good  ;  he  must  himself 
be  conformable  to  those  laws  his  prerogative  exacts,  or 
else  he  can  expect  no  obedience  paid  them  from  others ; 
he  must  have  a  strict  eye  over  all  his  inferior  magistrates 
and  officers,  or  otherwise  it  is  not  to  be  doubted  but  that 
they  will  carelessly  discharge  their  respective  duties. 

Hvery  king,  within  his  own  territories,  is  placed  for  a 
shining  example  as  it  were  in  the  firmament  of  his  wide 
spread  dominions,  to  prove  either  a  glorious  star  of  be- 


246  THE  PRAISE  OF   POLLY. 

nign  influence,  if  his  behavior  be  remarkably  just  and 
innocent,  or  else  to  impend  as  a  threatening  comet,  if 
his  blazing  power  be  pestilent  and  hurtful. 

Subjects  move  in  a  darker  sphere,  and  so  their  wan- 
derings and  failings  are  less  discernible ;  whereas  princes, 
being  fixed  in  a  more  exalted  orb,  and  encompassed  with 
a  brighter  dazzling  lustre,  their  spots  are  more  apparently 
visible,  and  their  eclipses,  or  other  defects,  apparent  to 
all  that  are  inferior  to  them. 

Kings  are  baited  with  so  many  temptations  and  op- 
portunities to  vice  and  immorality,  such  as  are  high 
feeding,  liberty,  flattery,  luxury,  and  the  like,  that  they 
must  stand  perpetually  on  their  guard,  to  fence  off  those 
assaults  that  are  always  ready  to  be  made  upon  them. 

In  fine,  abating  from  treachery,  hatred,  dangers,  fear, 
and  a  thousand  other  mischiefs  impending  on  crowned 
heads,  however  uncontrollable  they  are  this  side  the 
grave,  yet  after  their  reign  here  they  must  appear  before 
a  supremer  judge,  and  there  be  called  to  an  exact  ac- 
count for  the  discharge  of  that  great  stewardship  which 
was  committed  to  their  trust. 

If  princes  did  but  seriously  consider  (and  consider  they 
would  if  they  were  but  wise),  these  many  hardships  of  a 
royal  life,  they  would  be  so  perplexed  in  the  result  of 
their  thoughts  thereupon,  as  scarce  to  eat  or  sleep  in 
quiet.  But  now  by  my  assistance  they  leave  all  these 
cares  to  the  gods,  and  mind  only  their  own  ease  and 
pleasure,  and  therefore  will  admit  none  to  their  attend- 
ance but  those  who  will  divert  them  with  sport  and 
mirth,  lest  they  should  otherwise  be  seized  and  damped 
with  the  surprisal  of  sober  thoughts.  They  think  they 


The   Sovereign. 


THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY.  349 

have  sufficiently  acquitted  themselves  in  the  duty  of 
governing,  if  they  do  but  ride  constantly  a  hunting, 
breed  up  good  race-horses,  sell  places  and  offices  to  those 
of  the  courtiers  that  will  give  most  for  them,  and  find 
out  new  ways  for  invading  of  their  people's  property, 
and  securing  a  larger  revenue  to  their  own  exchequer  ; 
for  the  procurement  whereof  they  will  always  have  some 
pretended  claim  and  title  ;  that  though  it  be  manifest 
extortion,  yet  it  may  bear  the  show  of  law  and  justice  : 
and  then  they  daub  over  their  oppression  with  a  submis- 
sive, flattering  carriage,  that  they  may  so  far  insinuate 
into  the  affections  of  the  vulgar,  that  they  may  not 
tumult  nor  rebel,  but  patiently  crouch  to  burdens  and 
exactions. 

L/et  us  feign  now  a  person  ignorant  of  the  laws  and 
constitutions  of  that  realm  he  lives  in,  an  enemy  to  the 
public  good,  studious  only  for  his  own  private  interest, 
addicted  wholly  to  pleasures  and  delights,  a  hater  of 
learning,  a  professed  enemy  to  liberty  and  truth,  careless 
and  unmindful  of  the  common  concerns,  taking  all  the 
measures  of  justice  and  honesty  from  the  false  beam  of 
self-interest  and  advantage, — after  this  hang  about  his 
neck  a  gold  chain,  for  an  intimation  that  he  ought  to 
have  all  virtues  linked  together  ;  then  set  a  crown  of 
gold  and  jewels  on  his  head,  for  a  token  that  he  ought 
to  overtop  and  outshine  others  in  all  commendable  qual- 
ifications ;  next,  put  into  his  hand  a  royal  sceptre  for  a 
symbol  of  justice  and  integrity  ;  lastly,  clothe  him  with 
purple,  for  an  hieroglyphic  of  a  tender  love  and  affection 
to  the  commonwealth. 

If  a  prince  should  look  upon  this  portraiture,  and  draw 


250  THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY. 

a  comparison  between  that  and  himself,  certainly  he 
would  be  ashamed  of  his  ensigns  of  majesty,  and  be 
afraid  of  being  laughed  out  of  them. 

Next  to  kings  themselves  may  come  their  courtiers, 
who,  though  they  are  for  the  most  part  a  base,  servile, 
cringing,  low-spirited  sort  of  flatterers,  yet  they  look 
big,  swell  great,  and  have  high  thoughts  of  their  honor 
and  grandeur. 

Their  confidence  appears  upon  all  occasions  ;  yet  in 
this  one  thing  they  are  very  modest,  in  that  they  are 
content  to  adorn  their  bodies  with  gold,  jewels,  purple, 
and  other  glorious  ensigns  of  virtue  and  wisdom,  but 
leave  their  minds  empty  and  unfraught  ;  and  taking 
the  resemblance  of  goodness  to  themselves,  turn  over  the 
truth  and  reality  of  it  to  others. 

They  think  themselves  mighty  happy  in  that  they  can 
call  the  king  master,  and  be  allowed  the  familiarity  of 
talking  with  him  ;  that  they  can  volubly  rehearse  his 
several  titles  of  august  highness,  supereminent  excel- 
lence, and  most  serene  majesty  ;  that  they  can  boldly 
usher  in  any  discourse,  and  that  they  have  the  complete 
knack  of  insinuation  and  flattery  :  for  these  are  the  arts 
that  make  them  truly  genteel  and  noble. 

If  you  make  a  stricter  enquiry  after  their  other  endow- 
ments, you  shall  find  them  mere  sots  and  dolts.  They 
will  sleep  generally  till  noon,  and  then  their  mercenary 
chaplains  shall  come  to  their  bed-side,  and  entertain 
them  perhaps  with  a  short  morning  prayer. 

As  soon  as  they  are  dressed  they  must  go  to  breakfast, 
and  when  that  is  done,  immediately  to  dinner.  When 
the  cloth  is  taken  away,  then  to  cards,  dice,  tables,  or 


Searching  the  Scriptures. 


THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY.  253 

some  such  like  diversion.  After  this  they  must  have 
one  or  two  afternoon  banquets,  and  so  in  the  evening  to 
supper.  When  they  have  supped  then  begins  the  game 
of  drinking ;  the  bottles  are  marshaled,  the  glasses  ranked, 
and  round  go  the  healths  and  bumpers  till  they  are  car- 
ried to  bed.  And  this  is  the  constant  method  of  passing 
away  their  hours,  days,  months,  years,  and  ages. 

I  have  many  times  taken  great  satisfaction,  standing 
in  the  court,  and  seeing  how  the  tawdry  butterflies  vie 
one  with  another.  The  ladies  shall  measure  the  height 
of  their  humors  by  the  length  of  their  trails,  which  must 
be  borne  up  by  a  page  behind.  The  nobles  jostle  one 
another  to  get  nearest  to  the  king's  elbow,  and  wear  gold 
chains  of  that  weight  and  size,  as  require  no  less  strength 
to  carry  than  they  do  wealth  to  purchase. 

And  now  for  some  reflections  upon  popes,  cardinals, 
and  bishops,  who  in  pomp  and  splendor  have  almost 
equaled  if  not  outdone  secular  princes. 

Now,  if  any  one  considers  that  their  upper  crochet  of 
white  linen  is  to  signify  their  unspotted  purity  and  in- 
nocence ;  that  their  forked  mitres,  with  both  divisions 
tied  together  by  the  same  knot,  are  to  denote  the  joint 
knowledge  of  the  Old  and  New  Testament ;  that  their 
always  wearing  gloves,  represents  their  keeping  their 
hands  clean  and  undefiled  from  lucre  and  covetousness  ; 
that  the  pastoral  staff  implies  the  care  of  a  flock  com- 
mitted to  their  charge  ;  that  the  cross  carried  before 
them  expresses  their  victory  over  all  carnal  affec- 
tions ;  he  (I  say)  that  considers  this,  and  much  more  of 
the  like  nature,  must  needs  conclude  that  they  are  en- 
trusted with  a  very  weighty  and  difficult  office.  But, 


254  THE  PRAISE  OF  FOI^Y. 

alas,  they  think  it  sufficient  if  they  can  but  feed  them- 
selves; and  as  to  their  flock,  either  commend  them  to  the 
care  of  Christ  himself,  or  commit  them  to  the  guidance 
of  some  inferior  vicars  and  curates  ;  not  so  much  as 
remembering  what  their  name  of  bishop  imports,  to  wit, 
xabor,  pains,  and  diligence,  but  by  base  simoniacal  con- 
tracts, they  are  in  a  profane  sense,  Episcopi,  i.e.,  over- 
seers of  their  own  gain  and  income. 

So  cardinals,  in  like  manner,  if  they  did  but  consider 
that  the  church  supposes  them  to  succeed  in  the  room  of 
the  apostles  ;  that  therefore  they  must  behave  themselves 
as  their  predecessors,  and  so  not  be  lords,  but  dispensers 
of  spiritual  gifts,  of  the  disposal  whereof  they  must  one 
day  render  a  strict  account.  Or  if  they  would  but  reflect 
a  little  on  their  habit,  and  thus  reason  with  themselves, 
What  means  this  white  upper  garment  but  only  an 
unspotted  innocence  ?  What  signifies  my  inner  purple 
but  only  an  ardent  love  and  zeal  to  God  ?  What  imports 
my  outermost  pall,  so  wide  and  long  that  it  covers  the 
whole  mule  when  I  ride,  nay,  should  be  big  enough  to 
cover  a  camel,  but  only  a  diffusive  charity,  that  should 
spread  itself  for  a  succor  and  protection  to  all,  by  teach- 
ing, exhorting,  comforting,  reproving,  admonishing, 
composing  of  differences,  courageously  withstanding 
wicked  princes,  and  sacrificing  for  the  safety  of  our  flock 
our  life  and  blood,  as  well  as  our  wealth  and  riches  ; 
though  indeed  riches  ought  not  to  be  at  all  possessed  by 
such  as  boast  themselves  successors  to  the  apostles,  who 
were  poor,  needy,  and  destitute.  I  say,  if  they  did  but 
lay  these  considerations  to  heart  they  would  never  be  so 
ambitious  of  being  promoted  to  this  honor,  they  would 


^~v? 
The  Bishop. 


THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY.  257 

willingly  resign  it  when  conferred  upon  them,  or  at  least 
would  be  as  industrious,  watchful  and  laborious  as  the 
primitive  apostles  were. 

Now  as  to  the  popes  of  Rome,  who  pretend  themselves 
Christ's  vicars,  if  they  would  but  imitate  his  exemplary 
life,  in  the  being  employed  in  an  unintermitted  course 
of  preaching  ;  in  the  being  attended  with  poverty,  naked- 
ness, hunger,  and  a  contempt  of  this  world  ;  if  they  did 
but  consider  the  import  of  the  word  Pope,  which  signifies 
a  father ;  or  if  they  did  but  practice  their  surname  of 
most  holy,  what  order  or  degrees  of  men  would  be  in  a 
worse  condition  ? 

There  would  be  then  no  such  vigorous  making  of  par- 
ties and  buying  of  votes  in  the  Conclave,  upon  a  vacancy 
of  that  See  :  and  those  who  by  bribery,  or  other  indirect 
courses,  should  get  themselves  elected,  would  never  se- 
cure their  sitting  firm  in  the  chair  by  pistol,  poison, 
force,  and  violence. 

How  much  of  their  pleasure  would  be  abated  if  they 
were  but  endowed  with  one  dram  of  wisdom  ?  Wisdom, 
did  I  say  ?  Nay,  with  one  grain  of  that  salt  which  our 
Savior  bade  them  not  to  lose  the  savor  of. 

All  their  riches,  all  their  honors,  their  jurisdictions, 
their  Peter's  patrimony,  their  offices,  their  dispensations, 
their  licenses,  their  indulgences,  their  long  train  of 
attendants  (see  in  how  short  a  compass  I  have  abbrevia- 
ted all  their  marketing  of  religion);  in  a  word,  all  their 
perquisites  would  be  forfeited  and  lost  ;  and  in  their 
room  would  succeed  watchings,  fastings,  tears,  prayers, 
sermons,  hard  studies,  repenting  sighs,  and  a  thousand 
such  like  severe  penalties  :  nay,  what's  yet  more  deplor- 


258  THE  PRAISE   OF   FOLLY. 

able,  it  would  then  follow,  that  all  their  clerks,  amanu- 
enses, notaries,  advocates,  proctors,  secretaries,  the  offices 
of  grooms,  ostlers,  serving-men,  pimps,  (and  somewhat 
else,  which  for  modesty's  sake  I  shall  not  mention)  ;  in 
short,  all  these  troops  of  attendants,  which  depend  on 
his  holiness,  would  all  lose  their  several  employments. 
This  indeed  would  be  hard,  but  what  yet  remains  would 
be  more  dreadful :  the  very  Head  of  the  Church,  the 
spiritual  prince,  would  then  be  brought  from  all  his 
splendor  to  the  poor  equipage  of  a  scrip  and  staff. 

But  all  this  is  upon  the  supposition  only  that  they 
understood  the  circumstances  they  are  placed  in  ;  whereas 
now,  by  a  wholesome  neglect  of  thinking,  they  live  as 
well  as  heart  can  wish. 

Whatever  of  toil  and  drudgery  belongs  to  their  office, 
that  they  assign  over  to  St.  Peter  or  St.  Paul,  who  have 
time  enough  to  mind  it ;  but  if  there  be  any  thing  of 
pleasure  and  grandeur,  that  they  assume  to  themselves, 
as  being  u  hereunto  called  :  "  so  that  by  my  influence  no 
sort  of  people  live  more  to  their  own  ease  and  content. 

They  think  to  satisfy  that  Master  they  pretend  to  serve, 
our  L/ord  and  Savior,  with  their  great  state  and  mag- 
nificence, with  the  ceremonies  of  installments,  with  the 
titles  of  reverence  and  holiness,  and  with  exercising 
their  episcopal  function  only  in  blessing  and  cursing. 

The  working  of  miracles  is  old  and  out-dated  ;  to  teach 
the  people  is  too  laborious  ;  to  interpret  scripture  is  to 
invade  the  prerogative  of  the  schoolmen  ;  to  pray  is  too 
idle  ;  to  shed  tears  is  cowardly  and  unmanly  ;  to  fast  is 
too  mean  and  sordid  ;  to  be  easy  and  familiar  is  beneath 
the  grandeur  of  him,  who,  without  being  sued  to  and 


TTie  Cardinal. 


Fingering  Money  through  a  Thick  Pair  of  Gloves. 


THE   PRAISE  OF  FOLLY.  263 

intreated,  will  scarce  give  princes  the  honor  of  kissing 
his  toe ;  finally,  to  die  for  religion  is  too  self-denying; 
and  to  be  crucified  as  their  Lord  of  Life,  is  base  and 
ignominious. 

Their  only  weapons  ought  to  be  those  of  the  Spirit ; 
and  of  these  indeed  they  are  mighty  liberal,  as  of  their 
interdicts,  their  suspensions,  their  denunciations,  their 
aggravations,  their  greater  and  lesser  excommunications, 
and  their  roaring  bulls,  that  fright  whomsoever  they  are 
thundered  against ;  and  these  most  holy  fathers  never 
issue  them  out  more  frequently  than  against  those,  who, 
at  the  instigation  of  the  devil,  and  not  having  the  fear 
of  God  before  their  eyes,  do  feloniously  and  maliciously 
attempt  to  lessen  and  impair  St.  Peter's  patrimony  :  and 
though  that  apostle  tells  our  Savior  in  the  gospel,  in  the 
name  of  all  the  other  disciples,  we  have  left  all  and  fol- 
lowed you,  yet  they  challenge  as  his  inheritance,  fields, 
towns,  treasures,  and  large  dominions  ;  for  the  defending 
whereof,  inflamed  with  a  holy  zeal,  they  fight  with  fire 
and  sword,  to  the  great  loss  and  effusion  of  Christian 
blood,  thinking  they  are  apostolical  maintainers  of 
Christ's  spouse,  the  church,  when  they  have  murdered 
all  such  as  they  call  her  enemies  ;  though  indeed  the 
church  has  no  enemies  more  bloody  and  tyrannical  than 
such  impious  popes,  who  give  dispensations  for  the  not 
preaching  of  Christ ;  evacuate  the  main  effect  and  design 
of  our  redemption  by  their  pecuniary  bribes  and  sales  ; 
adulterate  the  gospel  by  their  forced  interpretations,  and 
undermining  traditions  ;  and  lastly,  by  their  lusts  and 
wickedness  grieve  the  Holy  Spirit,  and  make  their 
Savior's  wounds  to  bleed  anew. 


264  THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY. 

Farther,  when  the  Christian  church  has  been  all  along 
first  planted,  then  confirmed,  and  since  established  by  the 
blood  of  her  martyrs,  as  if  Christ,  her  head,  would  be 
wanting  in  the  same  methods  still  of  protecting  her, 
they  invert  the  order,  and  propagate  their  religion  now 
by  arms  and  violence,  which  was  wont  formerly  to  be 
done  only  with  patience  and  suffering. 

And  though  war  be  so  brutish,  as  that  it  becomes 
beasts  rather  than  men  ;  so  extravagant,  that  the  poets 
feigned  it  an  effect  of  the  furies  ;  so  licentious,  that  it 
stops  the  course  of  all  justice  and  honesty,  so  desperate, 
that  it  is  best  waged  by  ruffians  and  banditti,  and  so 
unchristian,  that  it  is  contrary  to  the  express  commands 
of  the  gospel ;  yet  magure  all  this,  peace  is  too  quiet, 
too  inactive,  and  they  must  be  engaged  in  the  boister- 
ousness  of  war. 

Among  which  latter  undertaking  you  shall  have  some 
popes  so  old  that  they  can  scarce  creep,  and  yet  they  will 
put  on  a  young,  brisk  resolution, — will  resolve  to  stick 
at  no  pains,  to  spare  no  cost,  nor  to  waive  any  inconven- 
ience, so  they  may  involve  laws,  religion,  peace,  and  all 
other  concerns,  whether  sacred  or  civil,  in  unappeasable 
tumults  and  distractions. 

And  yet  some  of  their  learned  fawning  courtiers  will 
interpret  this  notorious  madness  for  zeal,  and  piety,  and 
fortitude,  having  found  out  the  way  how  a  man  may 
draw  his  sword,  and  sheathe  it  in  his  brother's  bowels, 
and  yet  not  offend  against  the  commandment  whereby 
we  are  taught  to  love  our  neighbors  as  ourselves. 

It  is  yet  uncertain  whether  these  Romish  fathers  have 
taken  example  from,  or  given  precedent  to,  such  other 


The  Threatening*  of  the  Church. 


Religion  turned  over  to  the  Care  of  the  Laity. 


THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY.  369 

German  bishops  who,  omitting  their  ecclesiastical  habit, 
and  other  ceremonies,  appear  openly  armed  cap-a-pie, 
like  so  many  champions  and  warriors,  thinking  no 
doubt  that  they  come  short  of  the  duty  of  their  function, 
if  they  die  in  any  other  place  than  the  open  field, 
fighting  the  battles  of  the  L,ord. 

The  inferior  clergy,  deeming  it  unmannerly  not  to 
conform  to  their  patrons  and  diocesans,  devoutly  tug  and 
fight  for  their  tithes  with  syllogisms,  and  arguments,  as 
fiercely  as  with  swords,  sticks,  stones,  or  anything  that 
came  next  to  hand.  When  they  read  the  rabbies,  fa- 
thers, or  other  ancient  writings,  how  quick-sighted  are 
they  in  spying  out  any  sentences  that  they  may  frighten 
the  people  with,  and  make  them  believe  that  more  than 
the  tenth  is  due,  passing  by  whatever  they  meet  with 
in  the  same  authors  that  reminds  them  of  the  duty  and 
difficulty  of  their  own  office. 

They  never  consider  that  their  shaven  crown  is  a 
token  that  they  should  pare  off  and  cut  away  all  the 
superfluous  lusts  of  this  world,  and  give  themselves 
wholly  to  divine  meditation;  but  instead  of  this,  our 
bald-pated  priests  think  they  have  done  enough,  if  they 
do  but  mumble  over  such  a  fardel  of  prayers  ;  which  it 
is  a  wonder  if  God  should  hear  or  understand,  when 
they  whisper  them  so  softly,  and  in  so  unknown  a 
language,  which  they  can  scarce  hear  or  understand 
themselves.  This  they  have  in  common  with  other 
mechanics,  that  they  are  most  subtle  in  the  craft  of 
getting  money,  and  wonderfully  skilled  in  their  respec- 
tive dues  of  tithes,  offerings,  perquisites,  &c. 

Thus  they  are  all  content  to  reap  the  profit,  but  as  to 


270  THE  PRAISE  OF   FOLLY. 

the  burden,  that  they  toss  as  a  ball  from  one  hand  to 
another,  and  assign  it  over  to  any  they  can  get  or  hire. 
For  as  secular  princes  have  their  judges  and  subordinate 
ministers  to  act  in  their  name,  and  supply  their  stead  ; 
so  ecclesiastical  governors  have  their  deputies,  vicars, 
and  curates,  nay,  many  times  turn  over  the  whole  care 
of  religion  to  the  laity.  The  laity,  supposing  they  have 
nothing  to  do  with  the  church  (as  if  their  baptismal  vow 
did  not  initiate  them  members  of  it),  make  it  over  to  the 
priests  ;  of  the  priests  again,  those  that  are  secular, 
thinking  their  title  implies  them  to  be  a  little  too  pro- 
fane, assign  this  task  over  to  the  regulars,  the  regulars 
to  the  monks,  the  monks  bandy  it  from  one  order  to 
another,  till  it  light  upon  the  mendicants  ;  they  lay  it 
upon  the  carthusians,  which  order  alone  keeps  honesty 
and  piety  among  them,  but  really  keep  them  so  close 
that  nobody  could  ever  yet  see  them. 

Thus  the  Popes,  thrusting  out  their  sickle  into  the 
harvest  of  profit,  leave  all  the  other  toil  of  spiritual  hus- 
bandry to  the  bishops,  the  bishops  bestow  it  upon  the 
pastors,  the  pastors  on  their  curates,  and  the  curates 
commit  it  to  the  mendicants,  who  return  it  again  to  such 
as  well  know  how  to  make  good  advantage  of  the  flock, 
by  securing  the  benefit  of  their  fleece. 

But  I  would  not  be  thought  purposely  to  expose  the 
weaknesses  of  popes  and  priests,  lest  I  should  seem  to 
recede  from  my  title,  and  make  a  satire  instead  of  a  pan- 
egyric. Nor  let  any  one  imagine  that  I  reflect  on  good 
princes,  by  commending  of  bad  ones.  I  did  this  only 
in  brief,  to  show  that  there  is  no  one  particular  person 
can  lead  a  comfortable  life,  except  he  be  entered  of  my 


All  Concerns  Arranged  with  Money. 


THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY.  273 

society,  and  retain  me  for  his  friend.  Nor  indeed  can 
it  be  otherwise,  since  fortune,  that  empress  of  the  world, 
is  so  much  in  league  and  amity  with  me,  that  to  wise 
men,  she  is  always  stingy,  and  sparing  of  her  gifts,  but 
is  profusely  liberal  and  lavish  to  fools. 

Thus  Timotheus,  the  Athenian  commander,  in  all  his 
expeditions,  was  a  mirror  of  good  luck,  because  he  was 
a  little  underwitted  ;  from  him  was  occasioned  the 
Grecian  proverb,  'H  evdovros  nvpros  fapei,  The  net  fills, 
though  the  fisherman  sleeps  ;  there  is  still  another  favor- 
able proverb  yhabz  inrarai,  The  owl  flies,  an  omen  of 
success.  But  against  wise  men  are  pointed  these  ill- 
aboding  proverbs,  'Ev  rerpaSt  yevvrjQevTas,  Born  under  a 
bad  planet;  equum  habet  seianum,  He  cannot  ride  the 
fore-horse:  aurum  tholosanum,  Ill-gotten  goods  will 
never  prosper  :  and  more  to  the  same  purpose.  But  I 
forbear  from  any  farther  proverbializing,  lest  I  should 
be  thought  to  have  rifled  my  Erasmus's  adages. 

To  return,  therefore,  fortune  we  find  still  favoring  the 
blunt,  and  flushing  the  forward  ;  strokes  and  smoothes 
up  fools,  crowning  all  their  undertakings  with  success  ; 
but  wisdom  makes  her  followers  bashful,  sneaking,  and 
timorous,  and  therefore  you  see  that  they  are  commonly 
reduced  to  hard  shifts,  must  grapple  with  poverty,  cold 
and  hunger,  must  lie  recluse,  despised,  and  unregarded, 
while  fools  roll  in  money,  are  advanced  to  dignities  and 
offices,  and  in  a  word  have  the  whole  world  at  com- 
mand. 

If  any  one  think  it  happy  to  be  a  favorite  at  court, 
and  to  manage  the  disposal  of  places  and  preferments, 
alas,  this  happiness  is  so  far  from  being  attainable  by 


274  THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY. 

wisdom,  that  the  very  suspicion  of  it  would  put  a  stop 
to  all  advancement. 

Has  any  man  a  mind  to  raise  himself  a  good  estate  ? 
Alas,  what  dealer  in  the  world  would  ever  get  a  farthing 
if  he  be  so  wise  as  to  scruple  at  perjury,  blush  at  a  lie, 
or  stick  at  any  fraud  and  over-reaching. 

Farther,  does  any  one  appear  a  candidate  for  any  ec- 
clesiastical dignity  ?  Why,  an  ass,  or  a  plough-jobber, 
shall  sooner  gain  it  than  a  wise  man.  Again,  are  you 
in  love  with  any  handsome  lady?  Alas,  woman-kind 
are  so  addicted  to  folly,  that  they  will  not  at  all  listen 
to  the  courtship  of  a  wise  suitor.  Finally,  wherever 
there  is  any  preparation  made  for  mirth  and  jollity,  all 
wise  men  are  sure  to  be  excluded  from  the  company,  lest 
they  should  stint  the  joy,  and  damp  the  frolic. 

In  a  word,  to  what  side  soever  we  turn  ourselves,  to 
popes,  princes,  judges,  magistrates,  friends,  enemies, 
rich  or  poor,  all  their  concerns  are  managed  by  money, 
which  because  it  is  undervalued  by  wise  men,  therefore, 
in  revenge  to  be  sure,  it  never  comes  to  them. 

But  now,  though  my  praise  and  commendation  might 
well  be  endless,  yet  it  is  requisite  I  should  put  some  pe- 
riod to  my  speech.  I'll  therefore  draw  toward  an  end, 
when  I  have  first  confirmed  what  I  have  said  by  the 
authority  of  several  authors.  Which  by  way  of  farther 
proof  I  shall  insist  upon,  partly,  that  I  may  not  be 
thought  to  have  said  more  in  my  own  behalf  than  what 
will  be  justified  by  others  ;  and  partly,  that  the  lawyers 
may  not  check  me  for  citing  no  precedents  nor  allega- 
tions. 

To  imitate  them  therefore  I  will  produce  some  re- 


The  Courtier. 


The  Brutish  Man. 


THE  PRAISE  OF  POLLY.  279 

ports  and  authorities,  though  perhaps  like  theirs  too, 
they  are  nothing  to  the  purpose. 

First,  then,  it  is  confessed  almost  to  a  proverb,  that 
the  art  of  dissembling  is  a  very  necessary  accomplish- 
ment ;  and  therefore  it  is  a  common  verse  among 
school-boys : — 

To  feign  the  fool  when  fit  occasions  rise, 
Argues  the  being  more  completely  wise. 

It  is  easy  therefore  to  realize  how  great  a  value  ought  to 
be  put  upon  real  folly,  when  the  very  shadow,  and  bare 
imitation  of  it,  is  so  much  esteemed.  Horace,  who  in 
his  epistles  thus  styles  himself : — 

My  sleek- skinn 'd  corpse  as  smooth  as  if  I  lie 
'Mong  ttt  fatted  swine  of  Epicurus 's  sty. 

This  poet  (I  say)  gives  this  advice  in  one  of  his  odes  : — 

Short  Folly  with  your  counsels  mix. 

The  epithet  of  short,  it  is  true,  is  a  little  improper. 
The  same  poet  again  has  this  passage  elsewhere  : — 

Well-timed  Folly  has  a  sweet  relish. 
And  in  another  place  : — 

I'd  rather  much  be  censured  for  a  fool, 
Than  feel  the  lash  and  smart  of  wisdom's  school. 

Homer  praises  Telemachus  as  much  as  any  one  of  his 
heroes,  and  yet  he  gives  him  the  epithet  of  N^tos,  Silly: 
and  the  Grecians  generally  use  the  same  word  to  express 
children,  as  a  token  of  their  innocence.  And  what  is 
the  argument  of  all  Homer's  Iliads,  but  only  as  Horace 
observes : — 

They  kings  and  subjects  dotages  contain  ? 


280  THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY. 

How  positive  also  is  Tully's  commendation  that  all 
places  are  filled  with  fools?  Now  every  excellence 
being  measured  by  its  extent,  the  goodness  of  folly  must 
be  of  as  large  compass  as  those  universal  places  she 
reaches  to.  But  perhaps  Christians  may  slight  the  au- 
thority of  a  heathen.  I  could  therefore,  if  I  pleased,  back 
and  confirm  the  truth  hereof  by  the  citations  of  several 
texts  of  scripture  ;  though  herein  it  were  perhaps  my 
duty  to  beg  leave  of  the  divines,  that  I  might  so  far  in- 
trench upon  their  prerogative. 

Supposing  a  grant,  the  task  being  so  difficult  as  to 
require  the  invocation  of  some  aid  and  assistance  ;  yet 
because  it  is  unreasonable  to  put  the  muses  to  the  ex- 
pense and  trouble  of  so  tedious  a  journey,  especially 
since  the  business  is  out  of  their  sphere,  I  shall  choose 
rather  (while  I  am  acting  the  divine,  and  venturing  in 
their  polemic  difficulties),  to  wish  myself  for  such  time 
animated  with  Scotus,  his  bristling  and  prickly  soul, 
which  I  would  not  care  how  afterwards  it  returned  to  his 
body,  though  for  refinement  it  were  stopped  at  a  purga- 
tory by  the  way. 

I  cannot  but  wish  that  I  might  wholly  change  my 
character,  or  at  least  that  some  grave  divine,  in  my  stead, 
might  rehearse  this  part  of  the  subject  for  me  ;  for  truly 
I  suspect  that  somebody  will  accuse  me  of  plundering 
the  closets  of  those  reverend  men,  while  I  pretend  to  so 
much  divinity  as  must  appear  in  my  following  discourse. 
Yet,  however,  it  may  not  seem  strange,  that  after  so 
long  and  frequent  a  converse,  I  have  gleaned  some 
scraps  from  the  divines  ;  since  Horace's  wooden  god  by 
hearing  his  master  read  Homer,  learned  some  words 


THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY.  28l 

of  Greek  ;  and  Lucian's  cock,  by  long  attention,  could 
readily  understand  what  any  man  spoke. 

But  now  to  the  purpose,  wishing  myself  success. 

Ecclesiastes  doth  somewhere  confess  that  there  are  an 
infinite  number  of  fools.  Now  when  he  speaks  of  an 
infinite  number,  what  does  he  else  but  imply  that  herein 
is  included  the  whole  race  of  mankind,  except  some  very 
few,  which  I  know  not  whether  any  one  ever  yet  had 
the  happiness  to  see  ? 

The  prophet  Jeremiah  speaks  yet  more  plainly  in  his 
tenth  chapter,  where  he  saith,  that  Every  man  is  brutish 
in  his  knowledge.  He  just  before  attributes  wisdom  to 
God  alone,  saying,  that  the  Wise  men  of  the  nations  are 
altogether  brutish  and  foolish.  And  in  the  preceding 
chapter  he  gives  this  seasonable  caution,  Let  not  the 
wise  man  glory  in  his  wisdom  :  the  reason  is  obvious, 
because  no  man  hath  truly  any  whereof  to  glory. 

But  to  return  to  Ecclesiastes,  when  he  saith,  Vanity 
of  vanities,  all  is  vanity,  what  else  can  we  imagine  his 
meaning  to  be,  than  that  our  whole  life  is  nothing  but 
one  continued  interlude  of  Folly  ? 

This  confirms  that  assertion  of  Tully,  which  is  deliv- 
ered in  that  noted  passage  we  but  just  now  mentioned, 
namely,  that  All  places  swarm  with  fools. 

Farther,  what  does  the  son  of  Sirach  mean  when  he 
saith  in  Ecclesiasticus,  that  the  Fool  is  changed  as  the 
moon,  while  the  Wise  man  is  fixed  as  the  sun,  than  only 
to  hint  out  the  folly  of  all  mankind  ;  and  that  the  name 
of  wise  is  due  to  no  other  but  the  all-wise  God  ?  for  all 
interpreters  by  Moon  understand  mankind,  and  by  Sun 
that  fountain  of  all  light,  the  Almighty.  The  same 


282  THE  PRAISE  OF   FOLLY. 

sense  is  implied  in  that  saying  of  our  Savior  in  the  gos- 
pel, There  is  none  good  but  one,  that  is  God:  for  if 
whoever  is  not  wise  must  be  consequently  a  fool,  and  if, 
according  to  the  Stoics,  every  man  be  wise  so  far  only 
as  he  is  good,  the  meaning  of  the  text  must  be,  all  mor- 
tals are  unavoidably  fools  ;  and  there  is  none  wise  but 
one,  that  is  God. 

Solomon  also  in  the  fifteenth  chapter  of  his  proverbs 
hath  this  expression,  Folly  is  joy  to  him  that  is  destitute 
of  wisdom ;  plainly  intimating,  that  the  wise  man  is 
attended  with  grief  and  vexation,  while  the  foolish  only 
roll  in  delight  and  pleasure.  To  the  same  purpose  is 
that  saying  of  his  in  the  first  chapter  of  Ecclesiastes,  In 
much  wisdom  is  much  grief ;  and  he  that  increaseth 
knowledge  increaseth  sorrow.  Again,  it  is  confessed  by 
the  same  preacher  in  the  seventh  chapter  of  the  same 
book,  That  the  heart  of  the  wise  is  in  the  house  of  mourn- 
ing, but  the  heart  of  fools  is  in  the  house  of  mirth.  This 
author  himself  had  never  attained  to  such  a  portion  of 
wisdom,  it  he  had  not  applied  himself  to  a  searching  out 
the  frailties  and  infirmities  of  human  nature  ;  as,  if  you 
believe  not  me,  may  appear  from  his  own  words  in  his 
first  chapter,  I  gave  my  heart  to  know  wisdom,  and  to 
know  madness  and  folly ;  where  it  is  worthy  to  be  ob- 
served that  as  to  the  order  of  words,  Folly,  for  its  advan- 
tage is  put  in  the  last  place. 

Thus  Ecclesiastes  wrote,  and  thus  indeed  did  an 
ecclesiastical  method  require  ;  namely,  that  what  has 
the  precedence  in  dignity  should  come  hindmost  in  rank 
and  order,  according  to  the  tenor  of  that  evangelical 
precept,  The  last  shall  be  first  and  the  first  shall  be  last. 


All  is  Vanity. 


THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY.  285 

And  in  Ecclesiasticus  likewise  (whoever  was  the  au- 
thor of  the  holy  book  which  bears  that  name)  in  the 
forty-fourth  chapter,  the  excellency  of  folly  above  wis- 
dom is  positively  acknowledged  ;  the  very  words  I  shall 
not  cite,  till  I  have  the  advantage  of  an  answer  to  a 
question  I  am  proposing,  this  way  of  interrogating  being 
frequently  made  use  of  by  Plato  in  his  dialogues  between 
Socrates  and  other  disputants. 

I  ask  you  then,  what  is  it  we  usually  hoard  and  lock 
up,  things  of  greater  esteem  and  value,  or  those  which 
are  more  common,  trite,  and  despicable  ? 

Why  are  you  so  backward  in  making  an  answer  ? 

Since  you  are  so  shy  and  reserved,  I'll  take  the  Greek 
proverb  for  a  coherent  reply;  namely,  r?/r  tni  QvpoaSvSpiav, 
Foul  water  is  thrown  down  the  sink  :  which  saying,  that 
no  person  may  slight  it,  may  be  convenient  to  advertise 
that  it  comes  from  no  meaner  an  author  than  that  oracle 
of  truth,  Aristotle  himself. 

And  indeed  there  is  no  one  on  this  side  Bedlam  so 
mad  as  to  throw  out  upon  the  dunghill  his  gold  and 
jewels,  but  rather  all  persons  have  a  close  repository  to 
preserve  them  in,  and  secure  them  under  all  the  locks, 
bolts,  and  bars,  that  either  art  can  contrive,  or  fears 
suggest ;  whereas  the  dirt,  pebbles,  and  oyster-shells, 
that  lie  scattered  in  the  streets,  ye  trample  upon,  pass  by, 
and  take  no  notice  of. 

If  then  what  is  more  valuable  be  coffered  up,  and 
what  less  so  lies  unregarded,  it  follows,  that  accordingly 
Folly  should  meet  with  a  greater  esteem  than  wisdom, 
because  that  wise  author  advises  us  to  the  keeping  close 
and  concealing  the  first,  and  exposing  or  laying  open  the 


286  THE   PRAISE  OF   FOLLY. 

other  :  as  take  him  now  in  his  own  words,  Better  is  he 
that  hideth  his  folly  than  him  that  hidelh  his  wisdom. 
Beside,  the  sacred  text  doth  oft  ascribe  innocence  and 
sincerity  to  fools,  while  the  wise  man  is  apt  to  be  a 
haughty  scorner  of  all  such  as  he  thinks  or  believes  to 
have  less  wit  than  himself:  for  so  I  understand  that 
passage  in  the  tenth  chapter  of  Ecclesiastes,  When  he 
that  is  a  fool  walketh  by  the  way,  his  wisdom  faileth  him, 
and  he  saith  to  every  one  that  he  is  a  fool.  Now  what 
greater  argument  of  candor  or  ingenuity  can  there  be, 
than  to  demean  himself  equal  with  all  others,  and  not 
think  their  deserts  any  way  inferior  to  his  own  ? 

Folly  is  no  such  scandalous  attribute,  but  that  the 
wise  Agur  was  not  ashamed  to  confess  it,  in  the  thirtieth 
chapter  of  Proverbs  :  Surely  I  am  more  brutish  than 
any  man,  and  have  not  the  understanding  of  a  man. 

Nay,  St.  Paul  himself,  that  great  doctor  of  the  Gen- 
tiles, writing  to  his  Corinthians,  readily  owns  the  name, 
saying,  If  any  man  speak  as  a  fool,  I  am  more  ;  as  if  to 
have  been  less  so  had  been  a  reproach  and  disgrace. 

But  perhaps  I  may  be  censured  for  misinterpreting 
this  text  by  some  modern  annotators,  who  like  crows 
pecking  at  one  another's  eyes,  find  fault,  and  correct  all 
that  went  before  them,  each  pretending  that  their  own 
glosses  contain  the  only  true  and  genuine  explication  : 
among  whom  my  Erasmus  (whom  I  cannot  but  mention 
with  respect)  may  challenge  the  second  place,  if  not  the 
precedency.  This  citation  (say  they)  is  purely  imperti- 
nent ;  the  meaning  of  the  apostle  is  far  different  from 
what  you  dream  of.  He  would  not  have  these  words  so 
understood,  as  if  he  desired  to  be  thought  a  greater  fool 


The  Devotion  to  Folly. 


THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY.  291 

than  the  rest,  but  only  when  he  had  before  said,  Are 
they  ministers  of  Christ?  so  am  I :  as  if  the  comparing 
himself  herein  to  others  had  been  too  little,  he  adds,  / 
am  more,  thinking  a  bare  equality  not  enough,  unless 
he  were  even  superior  to  those  he  compares  himself  with. 
This  he  would  have  to  be  believed  as  true  ;  yet  lest  it 
might  be  thought  offensive,  as  bordering  too  much  on 
arrogance  and  conceit,  he  tempers  and  alleviates  it  by 
the  covert  of  Folly.  I  speak  (says  he)  as  a  fool,  knowing 
it  to  be  the  peculiar  privilege  of  fools  to  speak  the  truth, 
without  giving  offence.  But  what  St.  Paul's  thoughts 
were  when  he  wrote  this,  I  leave  for  them  to  determine. 
In  my  own  judgment  at  least  I  prefer  the  opinion  of  the 
good  old  tun-bellied  divines,  with  whom  it's  safer  and 
more  creditable  to  err,  than  to  be  in  the  right  with 
smattering,  raw,  novices. 

Nor  indeed  should  any  one  mina  the  late  critics  any 
more  than  the  senseless  chattering  of  a  daw  :  especially 
since  one  of  the  most  eminent  of  them  (whose  name  I 
advisedly  conceal,  lest  some  of  our  wits  should  be  taunt- 
ing him  with  the  Greek  proverb,  *Oo?  npte  Mpav,  ad 
lyram  asinus)  magisterially  and  dogmatically  descanting 
upon  his  text  [are  they  the  ministers  of  Christ?  (I  speak 
as  a  foot)  I  am  more}  makes  a  distinct  chapter,  and 
(which  without  good  store  of  logic  he  could  never  have 
done)  adds  a  new  section,  and  then  gives  this  paraphrase, 
which  I  shall  verbatim  recite,  that  you  may  have  his 
words  materially,  as  well  as  formerly  his  sense  (for  that's 
one  of  their  babbling  distinctions).  [/  speak  as  a  fool} 
that  is,  if  the  equaling  myself  to  those  false  apostles 
would  have  been  construed  as  the  vaunt  of  a  fool,  I  will 


2Q2  THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY. 

willingly  be  accounted  a  greater  fool,  by  taking  the 
place  of  them,  and  openly  pleading,  that  as  to  their 
ministry,  I  not  only  come  up  even  with  them,  but  out- 
strip and  go  beyond  them  :  though  this  same  commenta- 
tor a  little  after,  as  it  were  forgetting  what  he  had  just 
before  delivered,  tacks  about  and  shifts  to  another  in- 
terpretation. 

But  why  do  I  insist  upon  any  one  particular  example, 
when  in  general  it  is  the  public  charter  of  all  divines,  to 
mould  and  bend  the  sacred  oracles  till  they  comply  with 
their  own  fancy,  spreading  them  (as  Heaven  by  its  Cre- 
ator) like  a  curtain,  closing  together,  or  drawing  them 
back  as  they  please  ? 

Thus  indeed  St.  Paul  himself  minces  and  mangles 
some  citations  he  makes  use  of,  and  seems  to  wrest  them 
to  a  different  sense  from  that  for  which  they  were  first 
intended,  as  is  confessed  by  the  great  linguist,  St. 
Hierom. 

Thus,  when  that  apostle  saw  at  Athens  the  inscription 
of  an  altar,  he  draws  from  it  an  argument  for  the  proof 
of  the  Christian  religion  ;  but  leaving  out  a  great  part 
of  the  sentence,  which  perhaps  if  fully  recited  might 
have  prejudiced  his  cause,  he  mentions  only  the  two  last 
words,  viz.,  To  the  unknown  God ;  and  this  too  not 
without  alteration,  for  the  whole  inscription  runs  thus  : 
To  the  Gods  0/"Asia,  Europe,  and  Africa,  to  all  foreign 
and  unknown  Gods. 

'Tis  an  imitation  of  the  same  pattern,  I  will  warrant 
you,  that  our  young  divines,  by  leaving  out  four  or  five 
words  in  a  place,  and  putting  a  false  construction  on  the 
rest,  can  make  any  passage  serviceable  to  their  own  pur- 


The  Pope. 


THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY.  295 

pose  ;  though  from  the  coherence  of  what  went  before, 
or  follows  after,  the  genuine  meaning  appears  to  be 
either  [wide  enough,  or  perhaps  quite  contradictory  to 
what  they  would  thrust  and  impose  upon  .it.  In  which 
knack  the  divines  have  grown  now  so  expert,  that  the 
lawyers  themselves  begin  to  be  jealous  of  an  encroach- 
ment upon  what  was  formerly  their  sole  privilege  and 
practice.  And  indeed  what  can  they  despair  of  proving, 
since  the  fore-mentioned  commentator,  (I  had  almost 
blundered  out  his  name,  but  that  I  am  restrained  by 
fear  of  the  same  Greek  proverbial  sarcasm),  did  upon 
a  text  of  St.  lyuke  put  an  interpretation  no  more  agreea- 
ble to  the  meaning  of  the  piece  than  one  contrary  quality 
is  to  another. 

The  passage  is  this  :  when  Judas' s  treachery  was  pre- 
paring to  be  executed,  and  accordingly  it  seemed  requi- 
site that  all  the  disciples  should  be  provided  to  guard 
and  secure  their  assaulted  master,  our  Savior,  that  he 
might  piously  caution  them  against  reliance  for  his  de- 
livery on  any  worldly  strength,  asks  them,  whether  in 
all  their  embassy  they  lacked  anything,  when  he  had 
sent  them  out  so  unfurnished  for  the  performance  of  a 
long  journey,  that  they  had  not  so  much  as  shoes  to  de- 
fend their  feet  from  the  injuries  of  flints  and  thorns,  or 
a  scrip  to  carry  a  meal's  meat  in  ;  and  when  they  had 
answered  that  they  lacked  nothing,  he  adds,  But  now 
he  that  hath  a  purse  let  him  take  it,  and  likewise  a  scrip  : 
and  he  that  hath  no  sword  let  him  sell  his  garment,  and 
buy  one. 

Now  when  the  whole  doctrine  of  our  Savior  inculcates 
nothing  more  frequently  than  meekness,  patience,  and  a 


296  THE  PRAISE  OP  FOLLY. 

contempt  of  this  world,  is  it  not  plain  what  the  meaning 
of  the  advice  is  ?  Namely,  that  he  might  now  dismiss 
his  ambassadors  in  a  more  naked,  defenceless  condition. 
He  does  not  only  advise  them  to  take  no  thought  for 
shoes  or  scrip,  but  even  commands  them  to  part  with  the 
very  clothes  from  their  back,  that  so  they  might  have 
the  less  incumbrance  and  entanglement  in  the  going 
through  their  office  and  function. 

He  cautions  them,  it  is  true,  to  be  furnished  with  a 
sword,  yet  not  such  a  carnal  one  as  rogues  and  highway- 
men make  use  of  for  murder  and  bloodshed,  but  with 
the  sword  of  the  Spirit,  which  pierces  through  the  heart, 
and  searches  out  the  innermost  retirements  of  the  soul, 
lopping  off  all  our  lust,  and  corrupt  affections,  and 
leaving  nothing  in  possession  of  our  breast  but  piety, 
zeal,  and  devotion. 

This,  I  say,  in  my  opinion  is  the  most  natural  inter- 
pretation. But  see  how  that  divine  misunderstands  the 
subject. 

By  sword,  says  he,  is  meant  defence  against  persecu- 
tion ;  by  scrip  or  purse,  a  sufficient  quantity  of  provision  ; 
as  if  Christ  had,  by  considering  better  of  it,  changed  his 
mind  in  reference  to  that  mean  equipage,  which  he  had 
before  sent  his  disciples  in,  and  therefore  came  now  to  a 
recantation  of  what  he  had  formerly  instituted  :  or  as  if 
he  had  forgotten  what  in  time  past  he  had  told  them, 
Blessed  are  you  when  men  shall  revile  you,  and  persecute 
you,  and  say  all  manner  of  evil  against  you  for  my  sake. 
Render  not  evil  for  evil,  for  blessed  are  the  meek,  not 
the  cruel :  as  if  he  had  forgotten  that  he  encouraged 
them  by  the  examples  of  sparrows  and  lilies  to  take  no 


Self  Admiration. 


The  Provident  Preacher. 


THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY.  301 

thought  for  the  morrow;  he  gives  them  now  another 
lesson,  and  charges  them,  rather  than  go  without  a  sword, 
to  sell  their  garment,  and  buy  one  ;  as  if  the  going  cold 
and  naked  were  more  excusable  than  the  marching  un- 
armed. And,  as  this  author  thinks  all  means  which  are 
requisite  for  the  prevention  or  retaliation  of  injuries  to 
be  implied  under  the  name  of  sword,  so  under  that  of 
scrip,  he  would  have  everything  to  be  comprehended, 
which  either  the  necessity  or  conveniency  of  life  re- 
quires. 

Thus  does  this  provident  commentator  furnish  out  the 
disciples  with  halberts,  spears,  and  guns,  for  the  enter- 
prise of  preaching  Christ  crucified  ;  he  supplies  them  at 
the  same  time  with  pockets,  bags,  and  portmanteaus, 
that  they  might  carry  their  cupboards  as  well  as  their 
bellies  always  about  them  :  he  takes  no  notice  how  our 
Savior  afterwards  rebukes  Peter  for  drawing  that  sword 
which  he  had  just  before  so  strictly  charged  him  to  buy; 
nor  that  it  is  ever  recorded  that  the  primitive  Christians 
did  by  no  ways  withstand  their  heathen  persecutors 
otherwise  than  with  tears  and  prayers,  which  they  would 
have  exchanged  more  effectually  for  swords  and  bucklers, 
if  they  had  thought  this  text  would  have  borne  them  out. 

There  is  another,  and  he  of  no  mean  credit,  whom  for 
respect  to  his  person  I  shall  forbear  to  name,  who  com- 
menting upon  that  verse  in  the  prophet  Habakkuk  (/ 
saw  the  tents  of  Cushan  in  affliction,  and  the  curtains  of 
the  landofMidian  did  tremble),  because  tents  were  some- 
times made  of  skins,  he  pretended  that  the  word  tents 
did  here  signify  the  skin  of  St.  Bartholomew,  who  was 
flayed  for  a  martyr. 


302  THE  PRAISE   OF   FOLLY. 

I  myself  was  lately  at  a  divinity  disputation  (where  I 
very  often  pay  my  attendance),  where  one  of  the  oppo- 
nents demanded  a  reason  why  it  should  be  thought 
more  proper  to  silence  all  heretics  by  sword  and  fagot, 
rather  than  convert  them  by  moderate  and  sober 
arguments. 

A  certain  cynical  old  blade,  who  bore  the  character  ol 
a  divine,  legible  in  the  frowns  and  wrinkles  of  his  face, 
not  without  a  great  deal  of  disdain  answered,  that  it  was 
the  express  injunction  of  St.  Paul  himself,  in  those  di- 
rections to  Titus  (A  man  that  is  an  heretic,  after  the 
first  and  second  admonition,  reject\  quoting  it  in  Latin, 
where  the  word  reject  is  devita,  while  all  the  auditory 
wondered  at  this  citation,  and  deemed  it  no  way  appli- 
cable to  his  purpose  ;  he  at  last  explained  himself,  saying, 
that  devita  signified  de  vita  tollendum  hereticum,  a  he- 
retic must  be  slain.  Some  smiled  at  his  ignorance,  but 
others  approved  of  it  as  an  orthodox  comment.  And 
however  some  disliked  that  such  violence  should  be  done 
to  so  easy  a  text,  our  hair-splitting  and  irrefragable  doc- 
tor went  on  in  triumph. 

To  prove  it  yet  (says  he)  more  undeniably,  it  is  com- 
manded in  the  old  law  [  Thou  shall  not  suffer  a  witch  to 
live  .•]  now,  then,  every  Maleficus,  or  witch,  is  to  be 
killed,  but  an  heretic  is  Maleficus,  which  in  the  Latin 
translation  is  put  for  a  witch,  ergo,  &c. 

All  that  were  present  wondered  at  the  ingenuity  of  the 
person,  and  very  devoutly  embraced  his  opinion,  never 
dreaming  that  the  law  was  restrained  only  to  magicians, 
sorcerers,  and  enchanters  :  for  otherwise,  if  the  word 
Maleficus  signified  what  it  most  naturally  implies,  every 


Slow  of  Heart. 


THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY.  305 

evil-doer,  then  drunkenness  and  whoredom  were  to  meet 
with  the  same  capital  punishment  as  witchcraft,  magic, 
and  sorcery. 

But  why  should  I  squander  away  my  time  in  a  too 
tedious  prosecution  of  this  topic,  which  if  drove  on  to 
the  utmost  would  afford  talk  to  eternity  ?  I  aim  herein 
at  no  more  than  this,  namely,  that  since  those  grave 
doctors  take  such  a  swinging  range  and  latitude,  I,  who 
am  but  a  smattering  novice  in  divinity,  may  have  the 
larger  allowance  for  any  slips  or  mistakes. 

Now,  therefore,  I  return  to  St.  Paul,  who  uses  these 
expressions  [Ye  suffer  fools  gladly],  applying  it  to  him- 
self; and  again  \_As  a  fool  receive  me],  and  \That  which 
I  speak,  I  speak  not  after  the  Lord,  but  as  it  were  fool- 
ishly}; and  in  another  place  \We  are  fools  for  Chris  fs 
sake]. 

See  how  these  commendations  of  Folly  are  equal  to 
the  author  of  them,  both  great  and  sacred.  The  same 
holy  person  does  yet  enjoin  and  command  the  being  a 
fool,  as  a  virtue  of  all  others  most  requisite  and  necessary  : 
for,  says  he,  \Jf  any  man  seem  to  be  wise  in  this  world, 
let  him  become  a  fool  that  he  may  be  wise].  Thus  St. 
L/uke  records,  how  our  Savior,  after  his  resurrection, 
joining  himself  with  two  of  his  disciples  traveling  to 
Emmaus,  at  his  first  salutation  he  calls  them  fools,  say- 
ing \_Ofools  and  slow  of  heart  to  believe"].  Nor  may  this 
seem  strange  in  comparison  to  what  is  yet  farther  deliv- 
ered by  St.  Paul,  who  adventures  to  attribute  something 
of  Folly  even  to  the  all- wise  God  himself  {The  foolish- 
ness of  God  (says  he)  is  wiser  than  men]  ;  in  which  text 
St.  Origen  would  not  have  the  word  foolishness  any  way 


306  THE  PRAISE  OF 

referred  to  men,  or  applicable  to  the  same  sense,  wherein 
is  to  be  understood  that  other  passage  of  St.  Paul  \The 
preaching  of  the  cross  to  them  that  perish,  foolishness']. 

But  why  do  I  put  myself  to  the  trouble  of  citing  so 
many  proofs,  since  this  one  may  suffice  for  all,  namely, 
that  in  those  mystical  psalms,  wherein  David  represents 
the  type  of  Christ,  it  is  there  acknowledged  by  our  Sav- 
ior, in  way  of  confession,  that  even  he  himself  was  guilty 
of  Folly;  Thou  (says  he)  O  God  knowest  my  foolishness  f 

Nor  is  it  without  some  reason  that  fools  for  their 
plainness  and  sincerity  of  heart  have  always  been  most 
acceptable  to  God  Almighty.  For  as  the  princes  of  this 
world  have  shrewdly  suspected,  and  carried  ajealous  eye 
over  such  of  their  subjects  as  were  the  most  observant 
and  deepest  politicians  (for  thus  Caesar  was  afraid  of  the 
plodding  Cassius,  and  Brutus  thought  himself  secure 
enough  from  the  careless  drinking  Anthony  ;  Nero  like- 
wise mistrusted  Seneca,  and  Dionysius  would  have  been 
willingly  rid  of  Plato),  whereas  they  can  all  put  greater 
confidence  in  such  as  are  of  less  subtlety  and  contrivance. 

So  our  Savior  in  like  manner  dislikes  and  condemns 
the  wise  and  crafty,  as  St.  Paul  expressly  declared  in 
these  words,  God  hath  chosen  the  foolish  things  of  the 
world ;  and  again,  it  pleased  God  by  foolishness  to  save 
the  world;  implying  that  by  wisdom  it  could  never  have 
been  saved. 

Nay,  God  himself  testifies  as  much  when  he  speaks  by 
the  mouth  of  his  prophet,  /  will  destroy  the  wisdom  of 
the  wise,  and  bring  to  naught  the  understanding  of  the 
learned. 

Again,  our  Savior  does  solemnly  return  his  Father 


THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY.  307 

thanks  for  that  he  had  hidden  the  mysteries  of  salvation 
from  the  wise,  and  revealed  them  unto  babes,  i.  e.,  to 
fools  ;  for  the  original  word  vrjitiois,  being  opposed  to 
dofox,  if  one  signify  wise,  the  other  must  foolish. 

To  the  same  purpose  did  our  blessed  Lord  frequently 
condemn  and  upbraid  the  scribes,  pharisees,  and  lawyers, 
while  he  carries  himself  kind  and  obliging  to  the  un- 
learned multitude  :  for  what  otherwise  can  be  the  mean- 
ing of  that  tart  denunciation,  Woe  unto  you  scribes  and 
Pharisees,  than  woe  unto  you  wise  men,  whereas  he 
seems  chiefly  delighted  with  children,  women,  and  illit- 
erate fishermen. 

We  may  farther  take  notice,  that  among  all  the  sev- 
eral kinds  of  brute  creatures  he  shows  greatest  liking  to 
such  as  are  farthest  distant  from  the  subtlety  of  the  fox. 
Thus  in  his  progress  to  Jerusalem  he  chose  to  ride  sitting 
upon  an  ass,  though,  if  he  pleased,  he  might  have 
mounted  the  back  of  a  lion  with  more  of  state,  and  as 
little  of  danger.  The  Holy  Spirit  chose  rather  likewise 
to  descend  from  heaven  in  the  shape  of  a  simple  guile- 
less dove,  than  that  of  an  eagle,  kite,  or  other  more 
lofty  fowl. 

Thus  all  along  in  the  holy  scriptures  there  are  frequent 
metaphors  and  similitudes  of  the  most  inoffensive  creat- 
ures, such  as  stags,  hinds,  lambs,  and  the  like.  Nay, 
those  blessed  souls  that  in  the  day  of  judgment  are  to  be 
placed  at  our  Savior's  right  hand  are  called  sheep,  which 
are  the  most  senseless  and  stupid  of  all  cattle,  as  is  evi- 
denced by  Aristotle's  Greek  proverb,  Ttpo/Sdroov  r$o$,  a 
sheepishness  of  temper,  i.  e.,  a  dull,  blockish,  sleepy,  un- 
manly humor.  Yet  of  such  a  flock  Christ  is  not  ashamed 


308  THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY. 

to  profess  himself  the  shepherd.  Nay,  he  would  not 
only  have  all  his  proselytes  termed  sheep,  but  even  he 
himself  would  be  called  a  lamb  ;  as  when  John  the  Bap- 
tist seeth  Jesus  coming  unto  him,  he  saith,  Behold  the 
Lamb  of  God ;  which  same  title  is  very  often  given  to 
our  Savior  in  the  apocalypse. 

All  this  amounts  to  no  less  than  that  all  mortal  men 
are  fools,  even  the  righteous  and  godly  as  well  as  sin- 
ners; nay,  in  some  sense  our  blessed  Lord  himself,  who, 
although  he  was  the  wisdom  of  the  Father,  yet  to  repair 
the  infirmities  of  fallen  man,  he  became  in  some  measure 
a  partaker  of  human  Folly,  when  he  took  our  nature 
upon  him,  and  was  formed  in  fashion  as  a  man  ;  or  when 
God  made  him  to  be  sin  for  us,  who  knew  no  sin,  that  we 
might  be  made  the  righteousness  of  God  in  him. 

Nor  would  he  heal  those  breaches  our  sins  had  made 
by  any  other  method  than  by  the  foolishness  of 'the  cross, 
published  by  the  ignorant  and  unlearned  apostles,  to 
whom  he  frequently  recommends  the  excellence  of  Folly, 
cautioning  them  against  the  infectionness  of  wisdom,  by 
the  several  examples  he  proposes  them  to  imitate,  such 
as  children,  lilies,  sparrows,  mustard,  and  such  like 
beings,  which  are  either  wholly  inanimate,  or  at  least 
devoid  of  reason  and  ingenuity,  guided  by  no  other  con- 
duct than  that  of  instinct,  without  care,  trouble  or  con- 
trivance. 

To  the  same  intent  the  disciples  were  warned  by  their 
lord  and  master,  that  when  they  should  be  brought  unto 
the  synagogues,  and  unto  magistrates  and  powers,  they 
shall  take  no  thought  how,  or  what  thing  they  should  an- 
swer, nor  what  they  should  say :  they  were  again  strictly 


THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY.  309 

forbid  to  enquire  into  the  times  and  seasons,  or  to  place 
any  confidence  in  their  own  abilities,  but  to  depend 
wholly  upon  divine  assistance. 

At  the  first  peopling  of  paradise  the  Almighty  had 
never  laid  so  strict  a  charge  on  our  father  Adam  to  re- 
frain from  eating  of  the  tree  of  knowledge  except  he  had 
thereby  forewarned  him  that  the  taste  of  knowledge 
would  be  the  bane  of  all  happiness. 

St.  Paul  says  expressly,  that  knowledge  puffeth  up,  i.e., 
it  is  fatal  and  poisonous.  In  pursuance  whereunto  St. 
Bernard  interprets  that  the  exceeding  high  mountain, 
whereon  the  devil  had  erected  his  seat,  must  have  been 
the  mountain  of  knowledge. 

And  perhaps  this  may  be  another  argument  which 
ought  not  to  be  omitted,  namely,  that  Folly  is  accepta- 
ble, or  at  least  excusable,  with  the  gods,  inasmuch,  as 
they  easily  pass  by  the  heedless  failures  of  fools,  while 
the  miscarriages  of  such  as  are  known  to  have  more  wit 
shall  very  hardly  obtain  a  pardon  ;  nay,  when  a  wise 
man  comes  to  sue  for  an  acquitment  from  any  guilt,  he 
must  shroud  himself  under  the  patronage  and  pretext  of 
Folly. 

For  thus  in  the  twelfth  of  Numbers,  Aaron  entreats 
Moses  to  stay  the  leprosy  of  his  sister  Miriam,  saying, 
alas,  my  Lord,  I  beseech  thee  lay  not  the  sin  upon  us, 
wherein  we  have  done  foolishly. 

Thus,  when  David  spared  Saul's  life,  when  he  found 
him  sleeping  in  a  tent  of  Hachilah,  not  willing  to  stretch 
forth  his  hand  against  the  Lord's  anointed,  Saul  excuses 
his  former  severity  by  confessing,  Behold,  I  have  played 
the  fool  and  have  erred  exceedingly. 


310  THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY. 

David  also,  in  much  the  same  form,  begs  the  remission 
of  his  sin  from  God  Almighty  with  this  prayer,  Lord,  I 
pray  thee  take  away  the  iniquity  of  thy  servant,  for  I 
have  done  very  foolishly  ;  as  if  he  could  not  have  hoped 
otherwise  to  have  his  pardon  granted  except  he  petitioned 
for  it  under  the  covert  and  mitigation  of  Folly. 

The  agreeable  practice  of  our  Savior  is  yet  more  con- 
vincing, who,  when  he  hung  upon  the  cross,  prayed  for 
his  enemies,  saying,  Father,  forgive  them,  urging  no 
other  plea  in  their  behalf  than  that  of  their  ignorance, 
for  they  know  not  what  they  do.  To  the  same  effect  St. 
Paul  in  his  first  epistle  to  Timothy  acknowledges  he  had 
been  a  blasphemer  and  a  persecutor,  But  (saith  he)  / 
obtained  mercy,  because  I  did  it  ignorantly  in  unbelief. 
Now  what  is  the  meaning  of  the  phrase  [/  did  it  igno- 
rantly^ but  only  this  ?  My  fault  was  occasioned  from  a 
misinformed  Folly,  not  from  a  deliberate  malice.  What 
signifies  [  /  obtained  mercy}  but  only  that  I  should  not 
otherwise  have  obtained  it  had  not  folly  and  ignorance 
been  my  vindication  ? 

To  the  same  purpose  is  that  other  passage  in  the  mys- 
terious Psalmist,  which  I  forgot  to  mention  in  its  proper 
place,  namely,  Oh,  remember  not  the  sins  and  offences  of 
my  youth !  the  word  which  we  render  offences,  is  in 
Latin  ignorantias,  ignorances.  Observe,  the  two  things 
he  alleges  in  his  excuse  are,  first,  his  rawness  of  age,  to 
which  Folly  and  want  of  experience  are  constant  attend- 
ants :  and  secondly,  his  ignorances,  expressed  in  the 
plural  number  for  an  enhancement  and  aggravation  of 
his  foolishness. 

But  that  I  may  .not  wear  out  this  subject  too  far,  to 


Wise  in  the  Distribution  of  Charity. 


THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY.  313 

draw  now  towards  a  conclusion,  it  is  observable  that  the 
Christian  religion  seems  to  have  some  relation  to  Folly, 
and  no  alliance  at  all  with  wisdom.  Of  the  truth 
whereof,  if  you  desire  farther  proof  than  my  bare  word, 
you  may  please,  first,  to  consider,  that  children,  women, 
old  men,  and  fools,  led  as  it  were  by  a  secret  impulse  o. 
nature,  are  always  most  constant  in  repairing  to  church, 
and  most  zealous,  devout  and  attentive  in  the  perform- 
ance of  the  several  parts  of  divine  service  ;  nay,  the  first 
promulgators  of  the  gospel,  and  the  first  converts  to 
Christianity,  were  men  of  plainness  and  simplicity, 
wholly  unacquainted  with  secular  policy  or  learning. 

Farther,  there  are  none  more  silly,  or  nearer  their 
wits'  end,  than  those  who  are  too  superstitiously  relig- 
ious. They  are  profusely  lavish  in  their  charity;  they 
invite  fresh  affronts  by  an  easy  forgiveness  of  past  in- 
juries ;  they  suffer  themselves  to  be  cheated  and  imposed 
upon  by  laying  claim  to  the  innocence  of  the  dove  ;  they 
make  it  the  interest  of  no  person  to  oblige  them,  because 
they  will  love,  and  do  good  to  their  enemies,  as  much  as 
to  the  most  endearing  friends  ;  they  banish  all  pleasure, 
feeding  upon  the  penance  of  watching,  weeping,  fasting, 
sorrow  and  reproach  ;  they  value  not  their  lives,  but 
with  St.  Paul,  wish  to  be  dissolved,  and  covet  the  fiery 
trial  of  martyrdom  :  in  a  word,  they  seem  altogether  so 
destitute  of  common  sense,  that  their  soul  seems  already 
separated  from  the  dead  and  inactive  body.  And  what 
else  can  we  imagine  all  this  to  be  than  downright 
madness  ? 

Is  it  the  less  strange  therefore  that  at  the  feast  of 
Pentecost  the  apostles  should  be  thought  drunk  with 


314  THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY. 

new  wine  ?  or  that  St.  Paul  was  censured  by  Festus  to 
have  been  beside  himself? 

And,  since  I  have  had  the  confidence  to  go  thus  far,  I 
shall  venture  yet  a  little  farther,  and  be  so  bold  as  to 
say  this  much  more  :  All  that  final  happiness  which 
Christians,  through  so  many  rubs  and  briars  of  difficul- 
ties, contend  for,  is  at  last  no  better  than  a  sort  of  folly 
and  madness. 

This,  no  question,  will  be  thought  extravagantly 
spoken  ;  but  consider  awhile,  and  deliberately  examine 
the  case. 

First,  then,  the  Christians  so  far  agree  with  the  Plato- 
nists  as  to  believe  that  the  body  is  no  better  than  a  dun- 
geon or  prison  for  the  confinement  of  the  soul.  That, 
therefore,  while  the  sotfl  is  shackled  to  the  walls  of  flesh, 
her  soaring  wings  are  impeded,  and  all  her  enlivening 
faculties  clogged  and  fettered  by  the  gross  particles  of 
matter,  so  that  she  may  neither  freely  range  after,  nor, 
when  happily  overtaken,  can  quietly  contemplate  her 
proper  object  of  truth. 

Farther,  Plato  defines  philosophy  to  be  the  meditation 
of  death,  because  the  one  performs  the  same  office  with 
the  other  ;  namely,  withdraws  the  mind  from  all  visible 
and  corporeal  objects  ;  therefore  while  the  soul  doth  pa- 
tiently actuate  the  several  organs  and  members  of  the 
body,  so  long  is  a  man  accounted  of  a  good  and  sound 
disposition  ;  but  when  the  soul,  weary  of  her  confine- 
ment, struggles  to  break  jail,  and  fly  beyond  her  cage  of 
flesh  and  blood,  then  a  man  is  censured  at  least  for  being 
maggoty  and  crack-brained ;  nay,  if  there  be  any  defect  in 
the  external  organs  it  is  then  termed  downright  madness. 


Industry. 


THE  PRAISE  OF  FOU,Y.  317 

And  yet  many  times  persons  thus  affected  shall  have 
prophetic  ecstasies  of  foretelling  things  to  come,  shall  in 
a  rapture  talk  languages  they  never  before  learned,  and 
seem  in  all  things  actuated  by  something  divine  and  ex- 
traordinary; and  all  this,  no  doubt,  is  only  the  effect  of 
the  soul's  being  more  released  from  its  engagement  to 
the  body,  whereby  it  can  with  less  impediment  exert  the 
energy  of  life  and  motion. 

From  hence,  no  doubt,  has  sprung  an  observation  of 
like  nature,  confirmed  now  into  a  settled  opinion,  that 
some  long  experienced  souls  in  the  world,  before  their 
dislodging,  arrive  to  the  height  of  prophetic  spirits. 

If  this  disorder  arises  from  an  intemperance  in  religion 
and  too  high  a  strain  of  devotion,  though  it  be  of  a  some- 
what differing  sort,  yet  it  is  so  near  akin  to  the  former, 
that  a  great  part  of  mankind  apprehend  it  as  a  mere 
madness  ;  especially  when  persons  of  that  superstitious 
humor  are  so  pragmatical  and  singular  as  to  separate  and 
live  apart  as  it  were  from  all  the  world  beside.  So  as 
they  seem  to  have  experienced  what  Plato  dreams  to 
have  happened  between  some,  who,  enclosed  in  a  dark 
cave,  did  only  ruminate  on  the  ideas  and  abstract  specu- 
lations of  entities  ;  and  one  other  of  their  company  who 
had  got  abroad  into  the  open  light,  and  at  his  return 
tells  them  what  a  blind  mistake  they  had  lain  under, — 
that  he  had  seen  the  substance  of  what  their  dotage  of 
imagination  reached  only  in  shadow;  that,  therefore,  he 
could  not  but  pity  and  regret  their  deluding  dreams, — 
while  they  on  the  other  side  no  less  bewailed  his  frenzy, 
and  turned  him  out  of  their  society  for  a  lunatic  and 
madman. 


318  THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLI<Y. 

Thus  the  vulgar  are  wholly  taken  up  with  those  ob- 
jects that  are  most  familiar  to  their  senses,  beyond  which 
they  are  apt  to  think  all  is  but  fairy-land  ;  while  those 
that  are  devoutly  religious  scorn  to  set  their  thoughts  or 
affections  on  any  things  below,  but  mount  their  soul  to 
the  pursuit  of  incorporeal  and  invisible  beings. 

The  former,  in  their  marshaling  the  requisites  of  hap- 
piness, place  riches  in  the  front,  the  endowments  of  the 
body  in  the  next  rank,  and  leave  the  accomplishments 
of  the  soul  to  bring  up  the  rear  ;  nay,  some  will  scarce 
believe  there  is  any  such  thing  at  all  as  the  soul,  because 
they  cannot  literally  see  a  reason  for  their  faith ;  while 
the  others  pay  their  first  fruits  of  service  to  that  most 
simple  and  incomprehensible  Being,  God,  and  employ 
themselves  next  in  providing  for  the  happiness  of  that 
which  comes  nearest  to  their  immortal  soul,  being  not 
at  all  mindful  of  their  corrupt  bodily  carcases,  and 
even  slighting  money  as  the  dirt  and  rubbish  of  the 
world. 

Or  if  at  any  time  some  urging  occasions  require  them 
to  become  entangled  in  secular  affairs,  they  do  it  with 
regret,  and  a  kind  of  ill-will,  observing  what  St.  Paul 
advises  his  Corinthians,  having  wives,  and  yet  being  as 
though  they  had  none ;  buying,  and  yet  remaining  as 
though  they  possessed  not. 

There  are  between  these  two  sorts  of  persons  many 
differences  in  several  other  respects.  As  first,  though 
all  the  senses  have  the  same  mutual  relation  to  the  body, 
yet  some  are  more  gross  than  others  ;  as  those  five  cor- 
poreal ones,  of  touching,  hearing,  smelling,  seeing, 
tasting  :  whereas  some  again  are  more  refined,  and  less 


THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY.  319 

adulterated  with  matter  ;  such  are  the  memory,  the  un- 
derstanding, and  the  will. 

Now,  the  mind  will  always  be  most  ready  and  expe- 
ditious at  that  to  which  it  is  naturally  most  inclined. 
Hence  is  it  that  a  pious  soul,  employing  all  its  power 
and  abilities  in  the  pressing  after  such  things  as  are  far- 
thest removed  from  sense,  is  perfectly  stupid  and  brutish 
in  the  management  of  any  worldly  affairs;  while  on  the 
other  side,  the  vulgar  are  so  intent  upon  their  business 
and  employment,  that  they  have  not  time  to  bestow  one 
poor  thought  upon  a  future  eternity. 

From  such  ardor  of  divine  meditation  it  was  that  Saint 
Bernard  in  his  study  drank  oil  instead  of  wine,  and  yet 
his  thoughts  were  so  taken  up  that  he  never  observed 
the  mistake. 

Farther,  among  the  passions  of  the  soul,  some  have  a 
greater  communication  with  the  body  than  others ;  as 
lust,  the  desire  of  meat  and  sleep,  anger,  pride,  and 
envy  :  with  these  the  pious  man  is  at  continual  war,  and 
irreconcilable  enmity,  while  the  vulgar  cherish  and 
foment  them  as  the  best  comforts  of  life. 

There  are  other  affections  of  a  middle  nature,  common 
and  innate  to  every  man  ;  such  as  love  to  one's  country, 
duty  to  parents,  love  to  children,  kindness  to  friends, 
and  such  like  ;  to  these  the  vulgar  pay  some  respect,  but 
the  religious  endeavor  to  supplant  and  eradicate  them 
from  their  soul,  except  they  can  raise  and  sublimate 
them  to  the  most  refined  pitch  of  virtue;  so  as  to  love 
or  honor  their  parents,  not  barely  under  that  character 
(for  what  did  they  do  more  than  generate  a  body  ?  nay, 
even  for  that  we  are  primarily  beholden  to  God,  the  first 


320  THE  PRAISE  OF  FOI^Y. 

parent  of  all  mankind),  but  as  good  men  only,  upon 
whom  is  imprinted  the  lively  image  of  that  divine 
nature,  which  they  esteem  as  the  chief  and  only  good, 
beyond  whom  nothing  deserves  to  be  beloved — nothing 
desired. 

By  the  same  rule  they  measure  all  the  other  offices  or 
duties  of  life ;  in  each  of  which,  whatever  is  earthly  or 
corporeal,  shall  be,  if  not  wholly  rejected,  yet  at  least 
put  behind  what  faith  makes  the  substance  of  things  not 
seen.  Thus  in  the  sacraments,  and  all  other  acts  of  re- 
ligion, they  make  a  difference  between  the  outward 
appearance  or  body  of  them,  and  the  more  inward  soul 
or  spirit.  As  for  instance,  in  fasting,  they  think  it  very 
ineffectual  to  abstain  from  flesh,  or  debar  themselves  of 
a  meal's  meat  (which  yet  is  all  the  vulgar  understand  by 
this  duty),  unless  they  likewise  restrain  their  passions, 
subdue  their  anger,  and  mortify  their  pride  ;  that  the 
soul  being  thus  disengaged  from  the  entanglement  of  the 
body,  may  have  a  better  relish  for  spiritual  objects,  and 
take  a  foretaste  of  heaven. 

Thus  (say  they)  in  the  holy  Eucharist,  though  the 
outward  form  and  ceremonies  are  not  wholly  to  be  de- 
spised, yet  are  these  prejudicial,  at  least  unprofitable,  if 
as  bare  signs  only  they  are  not  accompanied  with  the 
thing  signified,  which  is  the  body  and  blood  of  Christ, 
whose  death,  till  his  second  coming,  we  are  hereby  to 
represent  by  the  vanquishing  and  burying  of  our  vile 
affections  that  they  may  arise  to  a  newness  of  life,  and 
be  united  first  to  each  other,  then  all  to  Christ. 

These  are  the  actions  and  meditations  of  the  truly 
pious  person  ;  while  the  vulgar  display  all  their  religion 


THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY.  331 

in  crowding  up  close  to  the  altar,  in  listening  to  the 
words  of  the  priest,  and  in  being  very  circumspect  in  the 
observance  of  each  trifling  ceremony. 

Nor  is  it  in  such  cases  only  as  we  have  here  given  for 
instances,  but  through  his  whole  course  of  life,  that  the 
pious  man,  without  any  regard  to  the  baser  materials  of 
the  body,  interests  himself  wholly  in  a  fixed  intentness 
upon  spiritual,  invisible,  and  eternal  objects. 

Now  since  these  persons  stand  off,  and  keep  at  so  wide 
a  distance  between  themselves,  it  is  customary  for  them 
both  to  think  each  other  mad  ;  and  were  I  to  give  my 
opinion  as  to  which  of  the  two  the  name  doth  most  prop- 
erly belong,  I  should,  I  confess,  adjudge  it  to  the  relig- 
ious ;  of  the  reasonableness  whereof  you  may  be  farther 
convinced,  if  I  proceed  to  demonstrate  what  I  formerly 
hinted  at,  namely,  that  the  ultimate  happiness  which 
religion  proposes  is  no  other  than  some  sort  of  madness. 

First,  therefore,  Plato  dreamed  somewhat  of  this  na- 
ture when  he  tells  us  that  the  madness  of  lovers  was  of 
all  other  dispositions  of  the  body  most  desirable  ;  for  he 
who  is  once  thoroughly  smitten  with  this  passion,  lives 
no  longer  within  himself,  but  has  removed  his  soul  to 
the  same  place  where  he  has  settled  his  affections,  and 
loses  himself  to  find  the  object  he  so  much  dotes  upon. 

This  straying  now,  and  wandering  of  a  soul  from  its 
own  mansion,  what  is  it  better  than  a  plain  transport  of 
madness  ?  What  else  can  be  the  meaning  of  those  pro- 
verbial phrases,  non  est  apud  se,  he  is  not  himself;  ad 
te  redi,  recover  yourself;  and  sibi  redditus  est,  he  is 
come  again  to  himself? 

And,  accordingly,  as  love  is  more  hot  and  eager,  so  is 


322  THE   PRAISE   OF   FOLLY. 

the  madness,  thence  ensuing,  more  incurable  and  yet 
more  happy. 

Now  what  shall  be  that  future  happiness  of  glorified 
saints,  which  pious  souls  here  on  earth  so  earnestly  groan 
for,  but  only  that  the  spirit,  as  the  more  potent  and 
prevalent  victor,  shall  over-master  and  swallow  up  the 
body;  and  that  the  more  easily,  because  while  here 
below,  the  several  members,  by  being  mortified  and  kept 
in  subjection,  were  the  better  prepared  for  this  separa- 
ting change  ;  and  afterward  the  spirit  itself  shall  be  lost 
and  drowned  in  the  abyss  of  beatific  vision,  so  as  the 
man's  whole  nature  will  then  be  beyond  its  own  bounds 
and,  transported  into  ecstasy  and  wonder,  will  feel  some 
unspeakable  influence  from  that  omnipotent  Being  who 
makes  all  things  completely  blessed  by  assimilating 
them  to  his  own  likeness. 

Now,  although  this  happiness  be  then  only  con- 
summated when  souls  at  the  general  resurrection  shall 
be  reunited  to  their  bodies,  and  both  be  clothed  with  im- 
mortality, yet  because  a  religious  life  is  but  a  continued 
meditation  upon,  and  as  it  were  a  transcript  of  the  joys 
of  heaven,  therefore  to  such  persons  is  allowed  some  rel- 
ish and  foretaste  of  that  pleasure  here,  which  is  to  be 
their  reward  hereafter. 

And  although  this  indeed  be  but  a  small  pittance  of 
satisfaction  compared  with  that  future  inexhaustible 
fountain  of  blessedness,  yet  it  doth  abundantly  over- 
balance all  worldly  delights,  were  they  all  in  conjunction 
set  off  to  their  best  advantage  ;  so  great  is  the  pre- 
cedency of  spiritual  things  before  corporeal — of  invisible 
before  material  and  visible. 


THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY.  325 

This  is  what  the  apostle  gives  an  eloquent  description 
of,  where  he  says  by  way  of  encouragement,  that  eye 
hath  not  seen,  nor  ear  heard,  nor  hath  it  entered  into  the 
heart  of  man  to  conceive  those  things  which  God  hath 
prepared  for  them  that  love  him.  This  likewise  is  that 
better  part  which  Mary  chose,  which  shall  not  be  taken 
from  her,  but  perfected  and  completed  by  her : — mortal 
putting  on  immortality. 

Now  those  who  are  thus  devoutly  affected  (though 
few  are  so),  undergo  somewhat  of  a  strange  alteration 
very  nearly  approaching  to  madness  ;  they  speak  many 
things  in  an  abrupt  and  incoherent  manner,  as  if  they 
were  actuated  by  some  malevolent  demon  ;  they  make 
an  articulate  noise,  without  any  distinguishable  sense 
or  meaning  ;  they  sometimes  twist  and  distort  their 
faces  into  uncouth  and  antic  forms ;  at  one  time  being 
beyond  measure  cheerful,  then  as  immoderately  sullen  ; 
now  sobbing,  then  laughing,  and  soon  after  sighing,  as 
if  they  were  perfectly  distracted,  and  out  of  their  senses. 
If  they  have  any  sober  intervals  of  coming  to  themselves 
again,  like  St.  Paul,  they  then  confess,  that  they  were 
caught  up  they  know  not  where, — whether  in  the  body,  or 
out  of  the  body,  they  cannot  tell ;  as  if  they  had  been  in 
a  dead  sleep  or  trance,  they  remember  nothing  of  what 
they  have  heard,  seen,  said  or  done.  This  they  only 
know,  that  their  past  delusion  was  a  most  desirable  hap- 
piness ;  that  therefore  they  bewail  nothing  more  than 
the  loss  of  it,  nor  wish  for  any  greater  joy  than  the  quick 
return  of  it,  and  its  more  durable  abode  with  them  for- 
ever. And  this  (as  I  have  said)  is  the  foretaste  or  antic- 
ipation of  future  blessedness. 


326  THE  PRAISE  OF  FOLLY. 

But  I  dbubt  not  but  that  I  have  forgotten  myself, 
and  have  already  transgressed  the  bounds  of  modesty. 
However,  if  I  have  said  anything  too  confidently  or  im- 
pertinently, be  pleased  to  consider  that  it  was  spoken  by 
Folly,  and  that  under  the  person  of  a  woman  ;  yet  at 
the  same  time  remember  the  applicableness  of  that 
Greek  proverb : 

A  fool  oft  speaks  a  seasonable  buth. 

Unless  you  will  be  so  witty  as  to  object  that  this  makes 
no  apology  for  me,  because  the  word  d^p  signifies  a  man, 
not  a  woman,  and  consequently  my  sex  debars  me  from 
the  benefit  of  that  observation. 

I  perceive  now,  that,  for  a  concluding  treat,  you  ex- 
pect a  formal  epilogue,  and  the  summing  up  of  all  in  a 
brief  recitation;  but  I  will  assure  you,  you  are  grossly 
mistaken  if  you  suppose  that  after  such  a  hodge-podge 
medley  of  speech  I  should  be  able  to  recollect  anything  I 
have  delivered.  Beside,  as  it  is  an  old  proverb,  /«<?£ 
juvtitiovav  Gvintorav  •.  I  hate  a  pot  companion  with  a  good 
memory ;  so  indeed  I  may  as  truly  say,  mGu  juvu^ovay 
axpoarjiv  :  I  hate  a  hearer  that  will  carry  any  thing  away 
with  him.  Wherefore,  in  short : 

Farewell .'  live  long,  drink  deep,  be  jolly  > 
Ye  most  illustrious  votaries  of  folly  ! 


LINES  ON  THE  PRECEDING  WORK. 

THERE'S  ne'er  a  blade  of  honor  in  the  town, 
But  if  you  chance  to  term  him  fool  and  clown, 
Straight  satisfaction  cries,  and  then  with  speed 
The  time,  the  place,  and  rapier's  length's  decreed. 
Prodigious  fops,  I'll  swear,  which  can't  agree 
To  be  call'd  what  'tis  their  happiness  to  be : 

Blest  Idiots! 

That  in  an  humble  sphere  securely  move, 
And  there  the  sweets  of  a  safe  dullness  prove, 
Nor  envy  the  proud  heights  of  those  who  range  above, 
Folly,  sure  friend  of  a  misguided  will, 
Affords  a  kind  excuse  for  doing  ill ; 
And  Socrates, — that  prudent,  thinking  tool, 
Had  the  gods  lik'd  him,  would  have  prov'd  a.  fool. 
Methinks  our  author,  when  without  a  flaw, 
The  graces  of  his  mistress  he  doth  draw, 
Wishes  (if  Metempsychosis  be  but  true, 
And  souls  do  change  their  case,  and  act  anew),  ' 
In  his  next  life  he  surely  might  aspire 
To  the  dull  brains  of  some  soft  country  squire, 
Whose  head  with  such  like  rudiments  is  fraught, 
As  in  his  youth  his  careful  grannam  taught. 

And  now  (dear  friend)  how  shall  we  to  thy  brow 
Pay  all  those  laurels  which  we  justly  owe? 
For  thou  fresh  honors  to  the  work  dost  bring, 
And  to  the  theme  :  nor  seems  that  pleasing  thing, 
Which  he  so  well  in  Latin  hath  express'd, 
Less  comical  in  English  garments  dress'd ; 
Thy  sentences  are  all  so  clearly  wrought, 
And  so  exactly  plac'd  is  every  thought, 
That,  which  is  more  oblig'd  we  scarce  can  see 
The  subjedl  by  thine  author,  or  himself  by  thee. 
(327) 


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